John Agliata – Johnny Boy Marketing

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The No-Friend Zone — December 29, 2024

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩
Friend Search👊
Colder🎶
Open House Help🏚️

THE DAILY UPDATE

It has been more than a half-decade since I had what I would consider a great in-person friend. To say I am lonely and in need of a few folks locally with whom to share life is as much an understatement as to say the Ukrainians and Russians are having a little spat.

This is not for lack of trying. I have done all the things I’ve been advised to do, which largely falls under some version of “put yourself out there.” I have put myself out there in a variety of situations, and when I look around at all I have to show for it, what I see is perhaps a few new acquaintances, which I have in abundance. I am not ungrateful for these people, but I am, indeed, saying that one can have enough acquaintances when none of those acquaintances have turned into friendship.

I’ve turned the search inward and looked at all the things wrong with me or potentially wrong with me that would lead to this situation. I’ve double-checked my hygiene, my friendliness, my availability, etc. etc. etc. I’m no one’s ideal anything, but I’m not a stinky, dirty, unfriendly, horrible human being. I’d like to consider myself, finally, a pretty good guy.

And yet here I am, writing another version of the Same Old Shit for the umpteenth time.

A few days ago, I searched for book clubs and even found a few. One of them had a membership of exclusively females. I like women. I have no problem with women. I am, however, in search of dude friends. The other hadn’t met in over a year. So I decided to start my own club through the site. So far, it’s got a membership of one … me. I’m getting used to that.

I thought about starting a podcast club. Think “book club,” but podcasts. Duh. Again, so far, the membership is one … me.

And so there’s a part of me that wants to stick a big middle finger up to the world and say “FUCK YOU!” But that’s not very social, even if it might be appropriate at the moment. I’ve also thought about giving myself a deadline, as in, “If I don’t have one male local friend by the end of 2025, I’m ending things in This Life and hoping for something better on the Other Side.” I’m told this is bad and dangerous and morose. Fine. Whatever. Kind of ironic that it’s really not all that bad when you consider the number of people who could show up to mourn and say, “I knew John so well.” So why not a deadline like this?

I’ve been encouraged to “keeping trying” because “these things take time.” OK cool. I get that, which is why I’ve kept trying for years now and given those years as the time it takes for something to turn into a friendship. It hasn’t.

All of this makes me think of the friends I have lost through the years, including the last local friend I had, and wish things had gone differently. As I’ve said, it’s not always possible to go back and fix things. Sometimes that fix for the other person is for me to just stay the fuck away. And I have to accept that, right? What’s the alternative? You can’t force someone to hear an apology or, having heard that apology, open themselves up again to someone who has hurt them.

Some people, perhaps, are destined to be alone. That’s why the world has hermits. Obi Wan was doing just fine in his senior years until Luke arrived and fucked everything up. A few days later, he was dead. Maybe I’m one of those people. Maybe instead of offing myself at the end of 2025 in the absence of a friendship, I should just find a desert cave and not help any wayward travelers who get brained by Tusken Raiders. It’s worth considering.

I just don’t know how much more I can keep doing this, keep hoping, keep “putting myself out there” and keep “giving it time.” I ain’t getting any younger, and while it’s nice to have people in that acquaintance category, that doesn’t lead to a very fulfilling life … at least not for me.

So I go on. I sit at Panera by myself and I sit at cigar bars by myself and I coach sports team and get thanks from dads who, when I ask if they’d like to play poker or grab a beer or watch a game are busy or uninterested. I start DnD games that are really more about my sons and their friends than anyone my age who would want to join the adventure. I am ready, always ready, to say yes to invitations that have never come. I haven’t given up. Not yet.

But I’m getting closer. I can feel that. And I’m just being honest.

Something I’m grateful for today: Help from Boy The Younger to do the heavy lifting I’m not cleared to do as I clean up/rearrange my office.

Song of the Day: Colder Weather, Zac Brown Band

Meaningful lyric from the S.O.T.D.:

When I close my eyes I see you
No matter where I am
I can smell your perfume through these whisperin’ pines
I’m with your ghost again.

Something good from today/yesterday: A good time with my in-law family for our family Christmas celebration.

Something I’m looking forward to in the next seven days: Making my 2025 digital vision board.

Something I’ve written: Top 3 Things To Learn When Test Driving A Home

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