Hurt — July 26, 2024 – John Agliata

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩
Alive🎶
Chestnut⚽
I’m Sorry🙇

THE DAILY UPDATE

Three Little Things To Notice and Be Grateful For:

When someone caring simply says, “I know.”
Putting your hands on the hips of someone meaningful to pull them in for a hug.
Picking someone up from the airport.

Pursuit of Wordle Godhood: Today’s result: Four. Solid.

Wordle 1,133 4/6

🟨⬜🟩⬜⬜
⬜⬜🟩⬜🟨
⬜⬜🟩🟩🟩
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Pursuit of Connections Godhood: PERFECTO! I almost screwed this up because I thought the yellows were too obvious.

Connections
Puzzle #411
🟩🟩🟩🟩
🟨🟨🟨🟨
🟦🟦🟦🟦
🟪🟪🟪🟪

The song in my head when I woke up today: Tell Me I’m Alive, by All Time Low

July 25: Wagon Wheel, by Darius Rucker
July 24: Wide Open Spaces, by The Chicks
July 23: Call Me, by Shinedown (Yes. Please. Do.)
July 22: Rainbow, by Kacey Musgraves
July 21: Don’t Let Me Down, by Joy Williams
July 20: Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, by Crash Test Dummies
July 19: What’s Up? by 4 Non Blondes
July 18: Hello, by Adele
July 17: Dancing in the Streets, by David Bowie, with Mick Jagger, and this one really makes me question my morning brain.
July 16: If I Didn’t Have You, by BANNERS
July 15: New Slang, by The Shins. It’ll change your life, I swear.
July 14: Burn Me Once, by Bella White
July 13: Kind and Generous, by Natalie Merchant
July 12: It’s Not Over, by Daughtry
July 11: A Thousand Years, by David Hodges

Favorite line from the song in my head when I woke up: I’m messy, I’m reckless/I fuck shit up for breakfast

Road Trip Tunes: My drive home to Chicago was done partially to my Punk playlist.

Bad Reputation, Joan Jett
Dancing With Myself, Billy Idol
Blitzkrieg Bop, Ramones
Where Eagles Dare, Misfits
I Fought the Law, The Clash
Boys of Summer, The Ataris
All The Small Things, blink-182
Feel Good Drag, Anberlin
American Hearts, Piebald
1985, Bowling For Soup
If You C Jordan, Something Corporate
The Anthem, Good Charlotte
Police Truck, Dead Kennedys
Ohio Is For Lovers, Hawthorne Heights
Sk8er Boi, Avril Lavigne
About A Girl, The Academy Is…
Nine in the Afternoon, Panic! At The Disco
Teenagers, My Chemical Romance
Chick Magnet, MxPx
Been Caught Stealing, Jane’s Addiction

Something I’m looking forward to today: Wifey Poo’s best friend/my adopted sister arriving for a visit.

Something I’m looking forward to in the next seven days: *Checks calendar* Yup, I’m still turning 50 this weekend. Fuck.

Something I’m grateful for from yesterday: A calm drive home with my music and podcasts.

What I’m writing: Yesterday’s two crappy pages involved nothing but some journaling, though it was a new journal so I wrote my goals in it that I want to have accomplished by the time I write on the last page.

What I’ve written: Life Lessons From Atherstone Ball and a Boy Named Chestnut

In the midst of a period of tremendous personal growth, I have become aware of certain truths make me incredibly sad. One of them hit me really hard yesterday — the truth that I have hurt people for whom I cared and care about immensely.

I think all of us would like to think we are good human beings who carve a redeeming path through this life. Some of us actually are. More of us, though, leave at least some destruction in our wake that makes our claim to “good human” status a tad suspect at best.

I am definitely in that category.

Here’s what I won’t do: I won’t try to justify my actions or offer excuses for these hurts. I have seen so many people who improve themselves personally who seek absolution for the pain they have caused because they were brain-ill at the time or were immature at the time or “didn’t intend to hurt you,” as if their good intentions somehow alters hardcore reality.

Yes, I was brain-ill for quite a while, but what I did to hurt people is on me. I did those things. Not my past. Not my brain illness. Me. And what’s worse is that it took me so incredibly long to find the source of my struggles — well into my 40s. That’s my fault. I am the one who pushed aside attempts to solve the core problems. Me. I did that. Me.

I think it’s possible to make amends for the hurt we’ve caused. “I’m sorry” is certainly a great place to start. But along with the realization that I did some things I regret and for which I carry great guilt and sorrow is the Truth that not everybody is open to those words, nor the sentiment behind them. Some people just want me to go away … for good. That’s hard. I understand it completely, and yet here I am, wanting to say, “But please … give me a chance to explain. Give me a chance to make it right.”

What do you do when you realize the path you’ve carved through this life has been hurtful to others — especially when those others are people you loved, loved or care about tremendously? What do you do when “I’m sorry” isn’t welcomed — nor good enough?

That’s what I’m grappling with today.

Would you please help a brutha out? I’ve created a weekly eNewsletter called News-B-Nuts in which I’ll be sending out news nuggets and witty commentary to subscribers. If you can, would you support this endeavor for just $5 a month via Patreon?

Hurt — July 26, 2024

THE DAILY UPDATE

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