Bible Problems — April 14, 2025 – John Agliata

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩
Failed Prayers🙏
Distance🎶
Forgiveness🆗

THE DAILY UPDATE

Whether or not Christians want to admit it, the text they hold as holy and perfect is filled with problems. Many a Christian explains away these problems by saying the Bible was written in a different time or by picking and choosing what’s literal and what’s metaphorical, what’s true for today and what was being used as an allegory to point toward a meaning instead of verbatim fact.

The Bible has sanctioned slavery, rape, incest, sexism, and polygamy, among other things we modern Muricans would view as icky, to say the least. It’s also filled with things that, when it comes to how actual lives of Christians play out, are demonstrably false.

Yesterday was Week 3 in my Return To Church in the wake of a tough talk with Boy The Younger, in which I promised him I’d go to the church in which he’s found a spiritual home and give it an honest shot. The first two weeks didn’t go well.

Week 3 didn’t change that streak.

Which isn’t to suggest it was wholly bad. It wasn’t. Boy The Elder and the DIL were in the worship band, the former on the six string and the latter on the mic. They are talented, passionate, and I’m a proud father/FIL watching them do their thing.

Once again, the sermon was the problem.

As we steam toward the holiest of days on which the entire Christian faith hinges, the topic was once again on forgiveness. We dove deep into John 14-15, including the part about Jesus being the vine and those who believe in him as the literal son of God being the branches. The pastor, paraphrasing Jesus, right away said this: “If the branch isn’t connected to the vine, it is worthless.”

And there I was, sitting about 10 feet from him, a branch (child of whatever exactly it is that created this universe) being declared worthless (as one who has some serious questions as to the claims of divinity added to Jesus by a corrupt early/Catholic church following his death). That’s not a great start, and it’s not a great way to treat your guests, guests who you say are welcomed with open arms. As I’ve contended since this experiment began, guests are not welcomed in any Christian church with open arms. The only guests welcomed with open arms are guests open to being fed what the host is offering. The guest can’t just be a guest. He has to be a hungry guest. If he’s not, he’s worthless.

It’s kind of like Starbucks these days.

OK, so knowing I’m worthless, I continued listening. One of the Bible’s most problematic passages for Christians who are actively engaged with their brains and not just their emotions that can be toyed with is John 14:13, in which Jesus says, “Whatever you ask in my name, that I will do.”

He doesn’t say “that I may do.” He says “That I will do.”

Knowing brain-engaged Christians (and worthless people like me) might have some questions about this verse, the pastor jumped in before such questions could be wondered aloud and said, rightly, that this isn’t a free-for-all, that to get your “will do,” you have to be in Jesus.

Bullshit. Pure and utter bullshit.

Let me explain.

I was big into the Christian faith in the year of our Lord 2000, when we found out something was wrong with my unborn child. During the four months between the day we found out something was wrong and when he was born (and ultimately died several hours later), I prayed. And I’m pretty sure I was praying in Jesus’ name. I’m also pretty sure the entire faith community that embraced us during that difficult time was praying in Jesus’ name. At least one of them had to be a genuine real-deal Christian, right? I mean, there were literally thousands of people who heard about our situation and said they’d pray for us, and I was there, in the moment, right freaking there, when many of those prayers actually happened.

Jesus didn’t say, “If more than a certain number of you pray for something in my name, I will do it.” He said, “If you.” That’s singular. The implication being, if one of you prays for something in my name, I’ll do it.

What could be more in the name of Jesus than for the health and life of an innocent unborn child who became an innocent right-here child, living and breathing and in my arms?

The pastor’s response to this unasked question on Sunday? “If you’re not getting what you want when you pray in Jesus’ name, pray better prayers.”

Excuse me? What did you just say? Prayer better prayers!??!? I prayed that my son would live. It wasn’t for the Yankees to win the World Series or to get that promotion or to find my lost wallet. It was for my son to live.

And I didn’t just pray. I went with my wife to a whole range of doctors, doctors who were inspired to practice the latest advancements in medicine that the God of this universe had revealed. In other words, I didn’t just use words. I acted. I tried. Everything. Not that I supposedly had to. Praying was supposed to enough … as long as it was in the name of Jesus, which it most certainly was.

I can accept the fact that, today, the Christian church sees me as worthless. But back then? I was a son. I was a child of the God they told me to pray to. And I did it earnestly, with a pure heart, simply wanting my son to live.

“Pray better prayers?”

Pardon me, but fuck you.

This isn’t the first time I’ve had a problem with this verse. I had it back in the wake of Jacob’s death, when I still was a Christian. And I bristled when well-meaning Christians would say stupid things like, “I guess God needed another angel.” Fuck you. Go get your angel somewhere else.

I’d shake my head when my questions would be met with, “We can’t always understand the ways of God.” OK fine. But I can understand “If you pray in my name, I will do it.” That’s simple. Straightforward. There is no ambiguity in that. You can even turn it into math. If X, then Y. That’s a proof even I could have done back in the day.

What these people were really saying, what they couldn’t bring themselves to say out loud is this: The Bible can’t be trusted. Even those things that are said clear as day and without any possibility of being misinterpreted as allegory or fable or analogy or any other slight-of-hand word wizardry aren’t necessarily true.

And that’s a problem for a book that Christians claim is without error, every word of which is divinely inspired by God.

Which is why I leave room in my heart for other possibilities beyond what Christians say is the only way, the only life, the only truth, the only way to a peaceful afterlife. If that one statement can be proven false, and my own experience proves it to be false, then the Bible isn’t divinely inspired such that every word is perfect.

Of course, let’s go back to the start of this post. The Bible also sanctions slavery, rape, incest, sexism, and polygamy, among other things. In light of that, the failed prayers of a worthless man for his son are pretty minor.

Something I’m grateful for today: Granola

Something I’ve (ghost)written: Forgiveness

Song In My Head When I Woke Up: With You The Best, by Lewis Capaldi

Meaningful Lyric From SIMHWIWU:

But oh my love.
I want to say I miss the (blue) in your eyes
And when I said we could be friends, guess I lied
I want to say I wish that you never left
But instead I only wish you the best

I want to say without you everything’s wrong
And you were everything I need all along
I want to say I wish that you never left
But instead I only wish you the best

Song of the Day: Distance, by Christina Perri

Meaningful lyric from the S.O.T.D.:

Do you feel the way I do, right now?

Something good from today/yesterday: Getting a ton of stuff done, from washing my car to making a banger of a Sunday dinner — pastina soup with homemade Italian bread.

Something I’m looking forward to in the next seven days: Going to a St. Louis Astronomical Society event on Friday night. If anyone wants to join me … I will be the one who is, of course, sitting by himself …

Fat-Ass Update:

Starting weight: 230.6 on 2/12/25
Goal weight (for now): 199.9
Today’s weight 221.7 (-8.9)
Fat-ass burn-off remaining: 21.8 fat-ass pounds

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Bible Problems — April 14, 2025

THE DAILY UPDATE

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