When my classmate Sarah died late last year, I realized just how much she was a part of the fabric of my childhood. And that was interesting to me. I mean, were my life a movie, Sarah wouldn’t be anything close to the lead actress. She would probably be considered an extra in many ways, certainly by the time we heard Pomp & Circumstance and snatched our diplomas from the mathematically torturous jaws of Mrs. Lambert.
Yet there was Sarah, in a wealth of childhood memories. So I wrote about it. That’s kinda what I do to help make sense of the world.
I remember Sarah as the girl who ran really fast in elementary school, the girl whose parents would let her and her younger brother watch only PBS, the woman who kindly would reach out on Facebook when I was going through a really dark period in my life.
The thing is, there was no way for me to tell Sarah that she was a part of me, that though she was gone, she lived on in my heart in a small way and, if that were true, she must certainly be living on much stronger in the hearts of those who knew her better, who loved her and who were impacted far greater than I by the special person she was.
Which made me ask the questions: Why don’t we tell people what they mean to us while they’re alive? I mean, with certain people we might. Our spouses. Our kids. Our parents. Our best friends. But most people have no clue how many people’s lives are bettered by their existence. If they did, I believe suicide rates would be much lower.
I know I’ve felt like no one even really knows or cares I exist. I felt that way a lot through high school. I feel that way to some degree now. Others tell me I’d be surprised by what people would say if I really were gone. And that just makes me kinda angry. I mean, if it’s true, I could sure benefited more from hearing those words while I’m here and struggling then after I’m gone.
So why don’t we do that?
Well, who’s to say we can’t?
Today, I’m starting what I’m calling Living Eulogies. I imagine I’m not the first to coin that term, but for the sake of feeling original and special, I’m gonna say I did. It’s my blog, so fuck off if you’re gonna challenge me on this.
I’m committed to writing at least one Living Eulogy each week until … well, until I run out of people with whom I have at least one fond memory or one pleasant recollection. That list should be really, really long for all of us, shouldn’t it be? Hell, by this definition, I could eulogize the dental hygienist who once said I had such amazing teeth. Or the guy at Jimmy John’s who gave my kid a $2 bill because he heard us celebrating the first time he went pee pee on the potty while taking a break from his sandwich.
But how much more could I say about the people whom I was around every day for a good chunk of my life? The possibilities are endless, right?
In starting this, yes, I’m hoping others join with me. You don’t have to start a blog. You don’t have to write a lot. It could be as simple as this: “Hey Willard. I remember the time you invited me to your birthday party, and your dad gave us rides in the front of a front-loader. That was wicked cool for a kid who loved construction trucks, and I still remember that.”
Or it could be as involved as my recollections of some people are … Michelle, Lindy, Craig, Chris, Jason, Gavin, Adam, Joy … the list could go on a long, long time.
So as long as I have breath and people, I’m gonna do this. And keep in mind, these Living Eulogies are not delivered in a stuffy church with people dressed in stuffy clothes that make them feel uncomfortable. They’re delivered in that favorite corner bar. It’s loud. Rowdy, even. There’s music. Great music from our youth. Jon Bon is singing Livin’ on a Prayer. Madonna is the Material Girl. We’ve all got our favorite adult beverages in front of us … So I’ll ask you … with you raise a glass to …
UP NEXT: The Supporting Actress — Michelle Nahigian.
Mrs. Gray, The Mom I Needed
Each of us is handed a mother when we are formed and brought into this world, and the only prerequisite for the job has absolutely nothing to do with the ability to raise a child well. For many — myself included — that makes the other women who come into our lives and who help…
Denise and the Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very-Bad Date (But A Lot of Great Stuff Too)
There’s a Bro Code among high school guys that if your really good guy friend asks for a favor so he can be with a girl he really likes, you do it. I didn’t write this code. I don’t necessarily approve of this code. I just know that it exists. And so when my really…
Craig and the Life Boat
These Living Eulogies are not about me. They are about the people whose names appear in the headline. But sometimes, to understand exactly who these people are and how amazing they were to me (and perhaps to you), you’ve got to understand some personal context. Craig Tuminaro is one such person. I’d known Craig through…
Dan: Wrestling and Duck Hunt
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to James Cameron. Do not use in the shower. Pain has a way of etching memories deep into your brain. And so it is…
Keith: Metallica and Mound Visits
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to Al Roker. Stop, drop and roll.) My drive to work today was highlighted by my first listen of Metallica’s new album, 72 Seasons.…
Robin, I Owe You Some Quarters
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to Vanilla Ice. Stop. Collaborate. Listen.) The first indication I had that girls are complex came at the ripe old age of 6. I…
Jill, The Dot Connector
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My Lab Partner, Amanda
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to your Tucker Carlson. Apply liberally.) Writing these Living Eulogies has brought up many things — for me, for the people who have read…
The Secret Visit to Kate’s
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to your local Girl Scouts chapter. Do not use in shower.) For today’s Living Eulogy, I wanted to try something a little bit different.…
Mrs. O’Loughlin and All I Needed to Know …
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to your local Applebee’s. Do not ingest.) Back before the whole “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” thing became a…
Jason, One-Third of the Separated Trio
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to Scientology headquarters. Some assembly required.) When I look back at my early childhood, the number of memories that start with “Jason, Chris and…
Twenty-Three Hours & Forty-Five Minutes of Joy
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to Kirk Cameron. Apply pressure to stop the bleeding.) Long before there was a Facebook status to label it, there was the OG of…
A Living Eulogy Conundrum
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to Dan Patrick. The choice of a lawyer is an important one and shouldn’t be based on advertising alone.) So this is where Living…
Paul, Leah, Mark & Chris … or is it Graziver, Elora, Fargas & the DM?
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to Gary Gygax. Talk to your kids about drugs.) If there is a thing that has traditionally separated the nerds from the not-nerds, it…
Why is Charlie on my TV screen?
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to 1980s TRH [Truly Reprehensible Human] Carolyn Bryant. No sugar added.) Everyone thought it was bullshit, which is quite remarkable for a high school…
Mrs. Tulin, The Reason I Write
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to 1980s Kansas City Royals shortstop U.L. Washington. The choice of a lawyer is an important one and should not be made based on…
Crazy Pat
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to Tony Hawk. Reapply every two hours during exposure.) Something that’s becoming increasingly apparent to me as I go about doing these Living Eulogies…
Amy and the Awkward Sixth-Grade Dance
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to Marty Walsh. Read all directions before use.) In the first known picture capturing a moment between my big sister and I, she is…
A Kind Word From Danny
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to LeBron James. See our website for full terms and conditions.) On the surface, Danny Bryan and I shared very little in common. Back…
Lindy, The Best Friend I Hated
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to Jessica Simpson. Please include a self-addressed, stamped envelope, and allow six to eight weeks for delivery.) Someone had to be first, and in…
Meredith, The Girl Who Loved Baseball
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance to everyone who has different recollection of the same events. Send all complaints to John Stamos. Please spay and neuter your pets.) My bus stop was a hive of activity in the early years of my education.…
Josh, the Quiet, Err, Mad Alaskan
(Editor’s note: Welcome to Living Eulogies. All recollections are accurate in the author’s mind only. Apologies in advance for everyone who has different recollection of the same event. No animals were harmed in the making of these living eulogies. Send all complaints to Elon Musk and Garth Brooks.) There was always a buzz in the…
Michelle and the Chocolate Chips
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