Johnny Boy Marketing

Welcome to Issue No. 8 of Listicles, the feature that presents the Top 10, Top 5, Top 3, Top 100 or Top 1,000,000 of whatever it is you want to know about. Email your Listicle suggestions to johnagliata@gmail.com.

No. 5: I held an epic car concert

If you were anywhere in the vicinity of my super-boss 2017 Nissan Versa on Friday morning as it traveled down Interstate 70 at a safe and responsible speed, you likely could have heard one helluva Breaking Benjamin concert. There are some times in which my music reaches into my heart and actually is what’s doing the pumping that keeps me alive. Friday was one of those times. Busting out with “I Will Not Bow,” “So Cold” and “Fallen,” among others, left my voice a bit hoarse and my soul feeling good.

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No. 4: I finally tried my log splitter

My back is not in good wood-chopping condition. I had a car accident in 2017, I sit at a desk far too much and, in general, I’m not in great shape after a bunch of sports-related injuries over the years.

Enter the log-splitter.

I’ve got trees all around my property that need to be felled and chopped, and I’ve got a fireplace that I love. Rather than kill myself to take care of business, I bought an electrically powered log splitter. It arrived just as life got nutso. Finally, on Sunday, I had a free moment to unbox the thing, read the instruction manual (yeah right) and split a log.

It worked great, and I plan on spending the next week splitting a whole bunch of logs.

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No. 3: I woke up three times at the exact same ungodly minute

On three days last week, including two consecutive, I woke up at exactly 4:26 a.m. Or, at least, that’s the moment I looked at the clock. To some, this carries huge significance. I’m not sure where I fall when it comes to angelic communication and numerology, but I looked up “significance of 426” anyway. I learned the angels were communicating to me a message of peace, reassurance and support, which sure is nice of them.

Of course, when I googled the significance of other numbers, none of them said anything close to “The angels are judging you for being exceedingly stupid” or “This is a message that you’re a horrible person.” Maybe the angels are just very positive. Whatever the case, 4:26 a.m. is awfully early, and it would be nice if the angels communicated their messages at least an hour later.

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No. 2: I learned I’m pretty weird

While on a business trip and bored, I took a personality test that pegged me as an INFJ. What’s great about that? Less than 1% of the male population is an INFJ. Hearing confirmation that you’re weird is good for the soul. Unconfirmed weirdness is a heavy load to carry.

According to the information about my type of INFJ — also known as Advocates — “They tend to approach life with deep thoughtfulness and imagination. Their inner vision, personal values, and a quiet, principled version of humanism guide them in all things.”

Damn straight.

“Perhaps because their personality type is so uncommon, Advocates tend to carry around a sense – whether conscious or not – of being different from most people. With their rich inner lives and their deep, abiding desire to find their life purpose, they don’t always fit in with those around them. This isn’t to say that Advocates can’t enjoy social acceptance or close relationships – only that they sometimes feel misunderstood or at odds with the world.”

Um, yeah. How about all the freaking time?

“Advocates are troubled by injustice, and they typically care more about altruism than personal gain. They often feel called to use their strengths – including creativity, imagination, and sensitivity – to uplift others and spread compassion.”

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No. 1: I peopled. A lot.

Here’s a weird thing about me: I am a person who craves connection with people who tends to not like being around people. Last week, I had to do a lot of peopling. We welcomed in 30 or so people at work for a three-day training thing, which meant early mornings and late nights with lots of small talk with unfamiliar people in between.

That’s not exactly my thing.

Yet there I was, small-talking like a muthatrucka, welcoming people, making sure they had enough beer with their apps at dinner and talking about HVAC chemicals as if I know what the hell I’m talking about. (I kinda do.) It was exhausting, but I did it. And shhhh … I actually had some fun.

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