🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩
Finding the fossilized remains of a Wooly Mammoth in New Mexico isn’t exactly news. It seems the furry elephants loved to hang out in the land so frequently visited by aliens.
What is news is the condition of the fossils from the latest find. Some of the bones bear the markings created by butchering, and seeing as how we’re the only known species with the ability to precisely cut meat, it stands to reason that your Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Uncle Benny enjoyed a good Mammoth burger from time to time.
Well, you might want to add a few “Great-“‘s to that train.
Carbon dating in the recently discovered fossils place them at around 37,000 years old. The issue is that humans were not thought to have been in North America until around 10,000 years ago. That’s a roughly 29,000 year oopsie, if true and if my brain, operating on four hours of sleep, did the math correctly. The bones also seem to have been damaged be fire, and unless that was one unlucky Wooly Mammoth attached to a lightning rod, it appears, well, that he was still unlucky but at least lucky enough to attend a BBQ in his honor.
Here’s my takeaway from this: We go around spouting everything we know as the final comment on the topic. Of course, so did those who thought the sun revolved around the earth, and they so strongly held onto that belief they were willing to BBQ actual humans who thought otherwise. The James Webb Telescope is the most recent example of a piece of technology that blows up previously and strongly held beliefs about how stuff works. The fact is, you right now are holding onto at least one belief that your Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great- Grandson Billy will think you’re absolutely stupid for believing.
I wonder which belief that is?
In other dead-animal news, we’re creating zombie pigs. Besides being a great name for a death metal band that I’m officially claiming before going to buy a guitar to learn how to play, these zombie pigs come with an Ivy League pedigree.
A group of researchers at Yale University used a cocktail of synthetic blood and “other compounds” (because that’s not frighteningly ambiguous) to revive circulatory and cellular activity in pigs’ brains after they had been dead … for up to four freaking hours.
Now, before you start looking at bacon differently, know that these researchers didn’t attempt to restore the kind of brain activity associated with awareness, apparently because of some kind of concern over medical ethics (pshaw) — or maybe just to not freak out the pig. And they say the intention of this research is not aimed at moving Pet Sematary to the non-fiction section. It’s not even designed to eventually be able to bring humans who once would have received the diagnosis of “dead” back to life.
Besides ignoring the warnings from 11 Walking Dead seasons, these researchers are attempting to solve a problem in human organ transplantation, namely that otherwise good hearts, lungs, eyeballs and such end up deteriorating in transit to the point they aren’t useable. That has the unfortunate side effects of leading to gross things in our landfills and, oh yeah, of not saving people’s lives.
I’m OK with what these researchers are doing. What I’m not OK with is that the lead researcher and study author is named Zvonimir Vrselja, which is a Bond villain name if ever there was one.
It does, however, raise some important ethical concerns. If this technology is one day applicable to humans and it does advance along the path it’s going, don’t we have a(nother) debate coming over when life begins and, more to the point, officially ends? If a brain’s cells can be revived far after what we consider today to be death, when are you, like, dead-dead? If that changes to “We pretty much can reawaken you any damn time we want,” what then?
My head hurts.
There are many fun things about going to a professional baseball game. If you’re going to see a team that doesn’t suck (I’m looking at you, Royals Fan Boy The Elder), you’ll likely be sitting next to someone — or, at least, near someone — you’ve never met before.
For those who aren’t exactly fond of social interactions, this can be problematic. Many times have I sat next to Armrest Hoggers, Leg Spreaders, Beer Spillers, Body Odor Wafters, Get Up And Scootch Out Of The Row Thirty Times A Gamers, and other Ers of equal or greater levels of annoying.
Last night, Wifey Poo and I went to Busch Stadium to watch her Cardinals take on my Yankees. We’re not going to talk about the 4-3 home-team victory because that will just make me angry. We’re going to talk about the father and son who came into our row and sat down next to Wifey Poo as the top of the first began.
The duo were, as many fans in attendance last night, clad in Yankee gear. I myself sported a Cardinals jersey of new Yankee Harrison Bader and a Yankees cap. The son was a clean-cut, 20-ish, tall kid, and Dad seemed to be straight out of a Grateful Dead tribute band. As we learned, the duo have embarked on a quest to visit every Major League ballpark together, and Busch is Stop No. 1. They planned to fly out Thursday evening from Newark Airport in New Jersey, but the flight was cancelled because COVID (or Biden? Or inflation? Or Trump? Or supply chain issues?). Undeterred but still a little panicked, they hopped on a flight to Memphis the next morning, then drove the four-plus hours from Elvisland to Archworld, arriving at Busch just as the National Anthem was being played. By the time they found their seats and us, they were ready for a cold beverage (it was hotter than balls last night) and a seat in which to relax.
Pops & Son live in New Jersey, not all that far from the home of my youth. It was nice hearing some genuine East Coast accents again. Dad was well-versed in baseball history and had a particular fascination with the numbers players from the past wore during their careers. He was a fountain of knowledge on guys I grew up hearing about and told me how his dad is buried yards away from Yankee great Elston Howard. Son seemed like a genuine nice dude, which led Wifey Poo to mention how she had previously thought all East Coast people were mean jerks, which itself led me to remind her that her husband is, in fact, from the East Coast.
It was fun sitting next to those two — certainly more enjoyable than Body Odor Wafter — and by the time the last out was recorded (let’s not talk about that), we parted as Baseball Stadium Friends.
Should a miracle happen and this ever reach their eyes, good luck on the rest of your baseball journey.
Top 5 Things You’ll Learn If You Read This Whole Thing There have been five previous mass extinctions.We’re in the middle of the sixth.We evidently don’t know about 90 percent of the species on our planet.Knowing where babies come from is a relatively new thing.Humans aren’t that special. What if you really are nothing special?…Keep reading
Today’s Reasons to Keep Living
- I have a much-needed massage on Sunday for my aching neck.
- Gotta take Boy The Younger to get that mop on top of his head trimmed today.
- Boy The Elder and I are going to St. Louis this evening to the Summer of Littles. If you know, you know.
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Welcome to Issue No. 7 of Listicles, the feature that presents the Top 10, Top 5, Top 3, Top 100 or Top 1,000,000 of whatever it is you want to know about. Email your Listicle suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org. No. 5: I reached out to a friend I have not been shy about sharing that I’ve…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩More Stupid Human Stuff 📱KC Trip ⚾Miserable Missourah 😠 Quick: Take a look around you. If you’re in a room with five other people, one of them thinks you’re financially struggling if you don’t have the latest iPhone. That’s according to a new survey following the release of the iPhone 14.…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Loser Species 👶Email Win 📧Dad Pride 👨👦👦 I’m pretty sure I’m not normal. Normal people respond to that statement with, “Oh, John, nobody’s normal,” which is just a sign for us non-normies that the person we’re talking to is normal. Yesterday, I was waiting for Wifey Poo to pick me up…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Concert Thoughts 🧠Marriage 💍Drunk Idiots 🧉 There’s this scene in the 2004 movie Garden State in which Sam (Natalie Portman) looks at Andrew (Zach Braff) and notices … … And yeah, that resonated with me then and resonates with me now. Ever since then, being “in it” has become a thing…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Sadness 😥Beautiful Skies ⛅Two Terms For 2022 ✌️ Back in our early days at Pound Ridge Elementary School, Sarah was the fastest girl runner in the class, which bought her some serious playground cred. There were only a few of us boys who could hang with Sarah in the 50-meter dash…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Ear Flushing👂Grunge God🎶Tech Guy📺 If you have to have a doctor tell you a body part or yours is small, I suppose one of the least offensive would be the ear canal. That’s what a doctor told me this morning, after I finally broke down and actually went to said doctor’s…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Toys in the Hall🪅Idiot Governors🗳️Flopping FedEx✈️ Last night in my hotel in Springfield, Missourah, I set out a glass of milk and a plate of cookies before going to bed. It’s not that I don’t know how to read a calendar or have any particular belief in a fat man in…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Which One?🗺️Leave Introverts Alone🤫Oxford Commas🤪 I’m on the road for work this week, in Springfield. Ahhh, but Springfield what? There currently are 35 populated places in the United States named Springfield, spread out over 25 states, including five in Wisconsin. In addition, there are 35 Springfield Townships, and Ohio owns 11…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Surrounded 😷Wood Splitter 🌲Morons 🤪 I’ve had COVID. Twice. The first time fucked up my life for a year. I’m still not back to the me I was before it came into my home, and I’m pretty sure that now, nearly two years later, that’s not going to change. The second…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Sunday audible🤒Fantasy Failure 🏈Anal Chess♟️ Sunday was supposed to be a romantic day spent in a canoe with Wifey Poo, the two of us paddling leisurely down the Meramec River. Mother Nature was not in the mood to play wingman and decided to pick the one day in the midst of…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Finish Line Scene 🏃♂️Baseball’s Better ⚾M-I-Z! Z-O-UC-H! 🏈 I have never understood the modern-day purpose of running for the sake of running. Sure, I understand it’s a great form of cardiovascular exercise and it’s a convenient way to get from Point A to Point B, yet the desire to strap on…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Book Guy 📚Queen Stuff 👑Bernard Shaw 📺 I’ve decided I want to own a copy of every Stephen King book ever written. That’s about 75 books at the moment. I have a built-in bookcase in my mancave/home office. I don’t think it would hold all 75 in hardcover, but perhaps it…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Beginnings 📚School Start 🚌Real Baseball ⚾ I was thinking this morning on my drive to work how we rarely know when the significant times in our lives begin. So frequently, the most important things that happen to us start with nothing noteworthy. Of course, there are exceptions, the “love-at-first-sight” moments or…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Fallin’ Thoughts 🤕Shinedown 🎸Sleepy 😴 The brain can be surprisingly efficient when the meatsack it’s attached to is in the middle of falling off a ladder while holding a revved-up chainsaw. This, I learned yesterday morning while attempting to saw a limb off a tree that was getting way too close…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Overview📅Fantasy Football🏈Elite Bonding🤼♂️ Days that start with chainsaws and lighter fluid and end with four hours of really good professional wrestling are bound to be added to the “good” column for review when the scales are weighed at the end of a life. Yesterday was such a day for me. In…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Funeral 😢Glimmers ☁️Meat 🥩 If you’re lucky, you’ve had a second mother. Whether your first mother was or is an amazing person who nurtured you and raised you among calm consistency or if she was lacking in certain maternal fundamentals, having a second mother is a blessing. Today, we were there…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩We’re Dumber 👎OnlyFans Thrives 🍑Shinedown 🎵 Official statistics put the COVID death toll in the United States at 1.04 million, with another 713 deaths yesterday. More than 4,000 people are in the ICU right now suffering from what the former Moron-in-Chief called that one person coming from China and a situation…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Dethroned Queen 👑Gravy Wrestling 🤼♂️Dog Talk 🐕 Don’t fuck with the Bucyrus Bratwurst Festival board. That’s a message Abigail Brocwell is learning the hard way. Brocwell was expected to be inaugurated as the queen of the festival in the northern Ohio town earlier this month, but she was stripped of the…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩3, Unassisted ⚾A Sad Day 📅Tracking Your Vagina 🌸 The last time Boy The Younger was on a baseball field, the “coach” of his team removed him from a game in the middle of an inning because I had privately messaged him to not attempt to steal home with my kid…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Hydrogen Issue 🚀Karting 🏎️Lake Life 😌 I was all excited to watch the launch of the moon-bound Artemis 1 rocket this morning, only to see the clock stopped at T-minus 40 minutes because of a “hydrogen issue.” Don’t know about you, but I’m thinking having an issue with hydrogen is a…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Karen in Control ⌚Karting 🏎️What podcast? 🎧 In the winter of 1993, I went to a comedy club with a friend and, in the spur of the moment, decided to be one of those who came forward to join the fun and be hypnotized. This was decidedly out of character for…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Little League Flap ⚾Grandpa Joe 🤦Psychedelics 🍄 Boys are interesting creatures who aren’t easily understood. One of the many, many weird things boys do is mercilessly make fun of their best friends. My closest friends in middle school and early in high school were affectionately nicknamed Goon, Tree Frog, Butt and…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩 Death Cometh Sooner 💀Twitter Security 🔓Game Over 🌑 Average life expectancy in the United States dropped in 2020 by almost two years in 2020, the biggest decline since World War II. Every state and the District of Columbia saw a drop. Guess it was a little bit more than that…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Worm brain 🧠Chicken Big Mac 🐔Eye Twitch 👁️ Caenorhabditis elegans is probably too elegant of a name for something that is really just a disgusting little worm about a millimeter long and most easily found in rotting fruit. It is more commonly known as a lab roundworm and was the first…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩The Agliata Homeschool Academy 🚌Hypnosis 😳Sunburn 🌞🔥 When you tell people you homeschool your children, you typically receive one of three responses: An enthusiastic: “Oh, that’s so cool!”An I’d-rather-be-dipped-in-acid: “Oh wow! I could never do that!” A you’re-one-of-those-weirdos: “Oh… really… homeschooling, huh?” The percentage for each has changed in the wake…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Indycar 🏎️Best Friends 😎Baseball Irony ⚾ There are certain people who look at car racing as an endless series of left turns. These people are idiots on whom nuance is lost. Boy The Elder and I crossed the border yesterday late-morning to head just past the fine city of East St.…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Swine Inflation 🐖Swamp Thing 🎥Phone Calls 📱 Life was different when I went to college in Iowa after growing up in suburban New York City. This isn’t to suggest I was a city kid. I wasn’t. The city was a place we went to a few times a year, and where…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Triple-Threat 🖥️🖥️🖥️Tasmanian Tiger 🐅Video Work 📹 Humans were not meant to stare at laptop screens. At least, humans of a certain age were not meant to stare at laptop screens. I say this after successfully lobbying for a second monitor at work, which effectively turned my laptop screen into a third…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Look Before Brewing ☕Hoop Construction 🏀Nuclear War ☢️ If you’d like an indication of how much of a Monday yesterday was for me, know that I ended up with an orange in my coffee. Well, to be fair, it wasn’t a full-blown orange. It was something called a Cutie, which is…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Weird Date 🪦Nature Walk🌳Bulldog Bath 🐶 If you have a date walking around a cemetery, you’re either weird or goth, and neither Wifey Poo nor I were wearing black today, which I guess tells you all you need to know about us. Old cemeteries are something of a fascination for us,…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩So Long, Kid 👨👦Steak Celebration🥩Chip & Joanna 🪚 Regular readers of my drivel know that I’m kind of an emotional guy, which is like saying that Jack kind of could have fit on the spacious floating door with Rose in Titanic. So it should come as no surprise when I say…Keep reading