🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩
Finding the fossilized remains of a Wooly Mammoth in New Mexico isn’t exactly news. It seems the furry elephants loved to hang out in the land so frequently visited by aliens.
What is news is the condition of the fossils from the latest find. Some of the bones bear the markings created by butchering, and seeing as how we’re the only known species with the ability to precisely cut meat, it stands to reason that your Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Uncle Benny enjoyed a good Mammoth burger from time to time.
Well, you might want to add a few “Great-“‘s to that train.
Carbon dating in the recently discovered fossils place them at around 37,000 years old. The issue is that humans were not thought to have been in North America until around 10,000 years ago. That’s a roughly 29,000 year oopsie, if true and if my brain, operating on four hours of sleep, did the math correctly. The bones also seem to have been damaged be fire, and unless that was one unlucky Wooly Mammoth attached to a lightning rod, it appears, well, that he was still unlucky but at least lucky enough to attend a BBQ in his honor.
Here’s my takeaway from this: We go around spouting everything we know as the final comment on the topic. Of course, so did those who thought the sun revolved around the earth, and they so strongly held onto that belief they were willing to BBQ actual humans who thought otherwise. The James Webb Telescope is the most recent example of a piece of technology that blows up previously and strongly held beliefs about how stuff works. The fact is, you right now are holding onto at least one belief that your Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great- Grandson Billy will think you’re absolutely stupid for believing.
I wonder which belief that is?
In other dead-animal news, we’re creating zombie pigs. Besides being a great name for a death metal band that I’m officially claiming before going to buy a guitar to learn how to play, these zombie pigs come with an Ivy League pedigree.
A group of researchers at Yale University used a cocktail of synthetic blood and “other compounds” (because that’s not frighteningly ambiguous) to revive circulatory and cellular activity in pigs’ brains after they had been dead … for up to four freaking hours.
Now, before you start looking at bacon differently, know that these researchers didn’t attempt to restore the kind of brain activity associated with awareness, apparently because of some kind of concern over medical ethics (pshaw) — or maybe just to not freak out the pig. And they say the intention of this research is not aimed at moving Pet Sematary to the non-fiction section. It’s not even designed to eventually be able to bring humans who once would have received the diagnosis of “dead” back to life.
Besides ignoring the warnings from 11 Walking Dead seasons, these researchers are attempting to solve a problem in human organ transplantation, namely that otherwise good hearts, lungs, eyeballs and such end up deteriorating in transit to the point they aren’t useable. That has the unfortunate side effects of leading to gross things in our landfills and, oh yeah, of not saving people’s lives.
I’m OK with what these researchers are doing. What I’m not OK with is that the lead researcher and study author is named Zvonimir Vrselja, which is a Bond villain name if ever there was one.
It does, however, raise some important ethical concerns. If this technology is one day applicable to humans and it does advance along the path it’s going, don’t we have a(nother) debate coming over when life begins and, more to the point, officially ends? If a brain’s cells can be revived far after what we consider today to be death, when are you, like, dead-dead? If that changes to “We pretty much can reawaken you any damn time we want,” what then?
My head hurts.
There are many fun things about going to a professional baseball game. If you’re going to see a team that doesn’t suck (I’m looking at you, Royals Fan Boy The Elder), you’ll likely be sitting next to someone — or, at least, near someone — you’ve never met before.
For those who aren’t exactly fond of social interactions, this can be problematic. Many times have I sat next to Armrest Hoggers, Leg Spreaders, Beer Spillers, Body Odor Wafters, Get Up And Scootch Out Of The Row Thirty Times A Gamers, and other Ers of equal or greater levels of annoying.
Last night, Wifey Poo and I went to Busch Stadium to watch her Cardinals take on my Yankees. We’re not going to talk about the 4-3 home-team victory because that will just make me angry. We’re going to talk about the father and son who came into our row and sat down next to Wifey Poo as the top of the first began.
The duo were, as many fans in attendance last night, clad in Yankee gear. I myself sported a Cardinals jersey of new Yankee Harrison Bader and a Yankees cap. The son was a clean-cut, 20-ish, tall kid, and Dad seemed to be straight out of a Grateful Dead tribute band. As we learned, the duo have embarked on a quest to visit every Major League ballpark together, and Busch is Stop No. 1. They planned to fly out Thursday evening from Newark Airport in New Jersey, but the flight was cancelled because COVID (or Biden? Or inflation? Or Trump? Or supply chain issues?). Undeterred but still a little panicked, they hopped on a flight to Memphis the next morning, then drove the four-plus hours from Elvisland to Archworld, arriving at Busch just as the National Anthem was being played. By the time they found their seats and us, they were ready for a cold beverage (it was hotter than balls last night) and a seat in which to relax.
Pops & Son live in New Jersey, not all that far from the home of my youth. It was nice hearing some genuine East Coast accents again. Dad was well-versed in baseball history and had a particular fascination with the numbers players from the past wore during their careers. He was a fountain of knowledge on guys I grew up hearing about and told me how his dad is buried yards away from Yankee great Elston Howard. Son seemed like a genuine nice dude, which led Wifey Poo to mention how she had previously thought all East Coast people were mean jerks, which itself led me to remind her that her husband is, in fact, from the East Coast.
It was fun sitting next to those two — certainly more enjoyable than Body Odor Wafter — and by the time the last out was recorded (let’s not talk about that), we parted as Baseball Stadium Friends.
Should a miracle happen and this ever reach their eyes, good luck on the rest of your baseball journey.
Top 5 Things You’ll Learn If You Read This Whole Thing There have been five previous mass extinctions. We’re in the middle of the sixth. We evidently don’t know about 90 percent of the species on our planet. Knowing where babies come from is a relatively new thing. Humans aren’t that special. What if you…Keep reading
Today’s Reasons to Keep Living
- I have a much-needed massage on Sunday for my aching neck.
- Gotta take Boy The Younger to get that mop on top of his head trimmed today.
- Boy The Elder and I are going to St. Louis this evening to the Summer of Littles. If you know, you know.
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🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Racist Billboard🐲Roe Silence😶Guest Bulldog🐶 Driving out of rural northern Arkansas today to return home after several days in a cabin in the boonies, I passed a billboard that was startling, to say the least. It starts off innocently enough with a very true statement: “It’s not racist to 💗 people.” I…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Uranus Sleeper🔭Cabin Rules🩲Taco Seasoning🌮 What does Cuba, Uranus, Sleeper, Doolittle and a billboard saying “If we don’t return to 2 Chronicles, than were finished” have in common? They all were on the route from my Humble Rural Missourah Home to the cabin in the boonies of Arkansas that is my home…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Check Engine 🚗Declined 🥡Murder Suspect 🔪 Every once in awhile, life throws you a pleasant surprise that seems to even the score a bit. Wifey Poo’s car is up for an emissions inspection this year. Her “check engine” light has been going on and off for a year or so, and…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩River Thoughts 🛶Little Annoyances 😠Birthday Boy 🎂 I didn’t know what a float trip was until I met Wifey Poo. I’m not even sure today that the term “float trip” is used outside Missourah. But if you’re a Missourahn, when someone says, “Wanna go on a float trip?” you know a…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩My Boys 👨👦👦Work Drinking🥃Feeling Good 😎 I’ve understood since seventh-grade science class how a child is a somewhat random and yet somewhat traceable mish-mash of his parents and their parents and their parents ad infinitum. It’s so cool to see that play out with my own boys. Boy The Elder is…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩The Stinger 🦂Inflation 🎈Housing Costs 🏘️ There’s something quite amazing about witnessing a human dinosaur be thrown through a stack of four tables. That was just one of the scenes from last night as Boys The Elder & Younger and I attended AEW Dynamite and Rampage. The biggest news from the…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Shitty Goodbye 💩Bald Is Beautiful 👨🦲Housing Market 🏘️ It’s official: My duty ensuring the continued breathing of roughly 20 chickens for Wifey Poo’s and Boy The Younger’s vacationing friends is over. Success! All birds were present and accounted for this morning, as I said goodbye to my new friends — Gertrude,…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩CrytpoStupidity ₿Coffee Seltzer ☕Chicken Update🐓 I like to make fun of Matt Damon. I know this comes from a place of deep-seated insecurity because Matt Damon is, well, Matt Damon and I am not. Yet it’s fun to make fun of Matt Damon, precisely because he is Matt Damon — all…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Meatloaf🦎Ugly Fish🐟Chicken Update🐓 You can buy insurance for many things. Your car. Your home. Your boat. Your health. Your eyes, teeth or brain (which, for some reason, is separate from your health). And now, according to a Missourah court, you can buy insurance that pays you if you contract a sexually…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Kentucky Fried Idiot 🍗Johnny Boy Marketing✏️Airplanes!🛦🛦🛦🛦🛦 There’s a scene in the 1979 film Rocky II in which the titular character (sorry, I’ve always wanted to write that …) is tasked by his trainer Mickey with chasing a chicken. Rocky was pummeled into oblivion — though somehow managed to eek out a…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Rogue Golfers 🐝Nay Voters🐟Chicken Day🥤 Golfers are known as being a genial sort. Whereas a basketball player could maul an opponent driving the lane, leaving him bloody and unconscious, and still complain about the foul called on him, golfers actually call fouls on themselves! Yet the world of professional golf is…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Bees Suck 🐝Bees As Fish🐟Cup O’ Pee🥤 I hate bees. Yes, I know they’re somehow the lynchpin on which our species’ survival will turn, but seriously, if we’re so fragile that we’re depending on a stinging invertebrate to keep us going, well, perhaps we’re not really so special after all. My…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Poultry Responsibilities 🐔Fine Dining🥩Crappy Year For Music🎵 I am many things. I am a husband, a father, a marketing guy, a storyteller, a jokester, a damn good parallel parker and a guy who played on a basketball team that lost 135-3. What I am not is a farmer. I left my…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩NASCAR President ₿Creepy Coffee☕Chef BTE 🍖 We all know that just about every politician at any level is, in some way, bought and paid for, right? I mean, perhaps your local school board representative isn’t (though she might be owned by her kid), but when you reach the state and national…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Dessert, Not Desert 🍨Happy Belated Birthday, McLovin 🎁Men Kissing 🏳️🌈 I started out my career in the news business and quickly learned that people suck. I mean, back in the mid-1990s, the internet was just becoming a thing — we even capitalized it … Internet … and wrote “e-mail” instead of…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩New Job🧑💼Happy Times🤗Small World ⚾ Buckle up. It’s story time. Today I made a reservation for Ruth’s Chris steakhouse on Sunday for me, Wifey Poo and Boys The Elder and Younger. The Core Four is getting dressed up. Keep in mind, we are not Ruth’s Chris people. It’s not that we…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Pants on the Ground👖Pimp Slap✋Pissin’ in the Wind🌬️ I had occasion to wear a suit yesterday. This was notable because I evidently hadn’t worn said suit in about a year. Over those 365 days, I’ve lost roughly 30 pounds. Thus, I showed up to the engagement necessitating a suit looking like…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Chainsaws Suck🪓Early Arrival✈️Shrimp on the Barbie🦐 I awoke bright and early this morning, kissed Wifey Poo on the forehead and went outside ready to put chainsaw to felled tree. I live far enough out in the country that crankin’ up a chainsaw at 6:30 a.m. on a holiday morning isn’t a…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Racin’🏎️Heat☀️Gorilla Guy🦍 When I was a small boy, the Indianapolis 500 was must-see TV. I’m not sure exactly how it started, but it must have been around 1978 — when I was a 4-year-old boy who loved Matchbox cars and big wrecks. It was around that time that Pops brought home…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩My Fullback 🚑Sicky Poo 🤒Helium Shortage 🎈 I don’t get paid anywhere close to enough to deal with St. Louis traffic when it rains. Not that St. Louis drivers are uniquely bad. I would imagine large swaths of drivers in other cities react just as poorly to the presence of moisture…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Taking Toys Away 🔫Checked Out ✈️Windsurfing Kid 🌬️ Many moons ago, I had a toy rubber snake. That my parents would have allowed such a purchase is shocking, given that Mother Dearest was terrified of anything remotely reptilian and Sister wasn’t that far behind. Yet there, in the depths of my…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Shut Up🤫Waffle House 🧇Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes🤗 So here’s something I don’t quite understand: Why is anyone, especially our political leaders, expressing “shock” over what happened in Texas yesterday. Dude … the sun rose yesterday. The sun has risen every single freaking day for the course of humanity. The sun will rise tomorrow. That’s…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Subway Obsession😞Guard Dog 🐶Chainsaw John🪓 Every child is peculiar in his or her own way. It’s an early indication we all should recognize that none of us is normal. We’re all weird. And that’s OK. Boy The Younger has always had his peculiarities. As a small child, he was fascinated with…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Musical History🎹Why Write? 🖊️Loser Level😔 We finally have only one piano in our house! Now, don’t get to thinking we’re this uber-musical family. We’re not. Wifey Poo, from what I hear, was a helluva clarinetist back in her day and did, indeed, take piano lessons. Boy The Elder is really good…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Beyond Tired😫Busting Ass 🐝Covid Sadness😔 Everything is knowable. When I look back at the pace of change in my life, I think that’s the biggest difference between my life as a child and my life as an adult. Back then, if you wondered something, you just … wondered it. I mean,…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Sad Anniversary😞My Back! 😳Dachau😭 Thirty-five years ago today, my first grandparent died. Grandpa was my favorite grandparent, and in looking back, I think it was because of his willingness to join my world. Grandpa played games with me endlessly. He taught me how to play rummy. He would spend hours on…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Bye-Bye BTE✈️Rival Riot Rumble 🤼♂️Old Man John🤕 In a few hours, Boy The Elder will board a plane headed for Germany. He just completed his sophomore year at Mizzou, and now he’s going overseas for a two-week study-abroad session in which he’ll allegedly learn more about food science and fermentation and…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Double-U🧸Big Sis 🦸♀️Preggo Healer 🤰 Anyone remember Speak & Spell? If you’ve seen E.T., you’ve seen it before. Don’t know why, but I was thinking about this toy the other day. For some reason, spelling wasn’t school if you had one of these things to play with. I can still hear…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Heat Wave🥵Lawn Mowing🚜Last Podcast 🎙️ It’s hotter than balls outside in my section of Missourah, and I’m not happy about it. I am not a hot-weather person. I hate heat. I sweat easily. I turn red even easier. Having a bald head does not match well with sun exposure. And has…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Friends😔What To Do?🙋Creepy Dolls 🎎 Yesterday was a rough day. It’s one thing to be a person with essentially no friends. It’s another thing altogether to not be friends with yourself. That’s where I was yesterday — all up in my head and imagining the worst was about to happen in…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Losing Money 🥊The Best F’N Mom Ever👩Heat 🥵 Wifey Poo and I took our weekly date Saturday and went to the city made famous in the original National Lampoon’s Vacation movie: East St. Louis. No, East St. Louis isn’t in Missouri and no, it’s not a popular data destination, but what…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩One Long Sentence 🖊️Birthday Boy🎂Wine & Chocolate 🍷🍫 I remember being a kid and wanting to be an adult. I wanted to drive and have a girlfriend and be able to do whatever it was that I wanted to do, not what someone else said I should do. And now, here…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Ink Stain 🖊️Big Week 🎂Gas Pumps 😂 If getting a link of ink right across the front of your shirt while trying to catch a falling pen isn’t one of the Mondayest of Monday things that can happen to a dude, I’m sure there aren’t too many things that can beat…Keep reading