🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩
Finding the fossilized remains of a Wooly Mammoth in New Mexico isn’t exactly news. It seems the furry elephants loved to hang out in the land so frequently visited by aliens.
What is news is the condition of the fossils from the latest find. Some of the bones bear the markings created by butchering, and seeing as how we’re the only known species with the ability to precisely cut meat, it stands to reason that your Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Uncle Benny enjoyed a good Mammoth burger from time to time.
Well, you might want to add a few “Great-“‘s to that train.
Carbon dating in the recently discovered fossils place them at around 37,000 years old. The issue is that humans were not thought to have been in North America until around 10,000 years ago. That’s a roughly 29,000 year oopsie, if true and if my brain, operating on four hours of sleep, did the math correctly. The bones also seem to have been damaged be fire, and unless that was one unlucky Wooly Mammoth attached to a lightning rod, it appears, well, that he was still unlucky but at least lucky enough to attend a BBQ in his honor.
Here’s my takeaway from this: We go around spouting everything we know as the final comment on the topic. Of course, so did those who thought the sun revolved around the earth, and they so strongly held onto that belief they were willing to BBQ actual humans who thought otherwise. The James Webb Telescope is the most recent example of a piece of technology that blows up previously and strongly held beliefs about how stuff works. The fact is, you right now are holding onto at least one belief that your Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great- Grandson Billy will think you’re absolutely stupid for believing.
I wonder which belief that is?
In other dead-animal news, we’re creating zombie pigs. Besides being a great name for a death metal band that I’m officially claiming before going to buy a guitar to learn how to play, these zombie pigs come with an Ivy League pedigree.
A group of researchers at Yale University used a cocktail of synthetic blood and “other compounds” (because that’s not frighteningly ambiguous) to revive circulatory and cellular activity in pigs’ brains after they had been dead … for up to four freaking hours.
Now, before you start looking at bacon differently, know that these researchers didn’t attempt to restore the kind of brain activity associated with awareness, apparently because of some kind of concern over medical ethics (pshaw) — or maybe just to not freak out the pig. And they say the intention of this research is not aimed at moving Pet Sematary to the non-fiction section. It’s not even designed to eventually be able to bring humans who once would have received the diagnosis of “dead” back to life.
Besides ignoring the warnings from 11 Walking Dead seasons, these researchers are attempting to solve a problem in human organ transplantation, namely that otherwise good hearts, lungs, eyeballs and such end up deteriorating in transit to the point they aren’t useable. That has the unfortunate side effects of leading to gross things in our landfills and, oh yeah, of not saving people’s lives.
I’m OK with what these researchers are doing. What I’m not OK with is that the lead researcher and study author is named Zvonimir Vrselja, which is a Bond villain name if ever there was one.
It does, however, raise some important ethical concerns. If this technology is one day applicable to humans and it does advance along the path it’s going, don’t we have a(nother) debate coming over when life begins and, more to the point, officially ends? If a brain’s cells can be revived far after what we consider today to be death, when are you, like, dead-dead? If that changes to “We pretty much can reawaken you any damn time we want,” what then?
My head hurts.
There are many fun things about going to a professional baseball game. If you’re going to see a team that doesn’t suck (I’m looking at you, Royals Fan Boy The Elder), you’ll likely be sitting next to someone — or, at least, near someone — you’ve never met before.
For those who aren’t exactly fond of social interactions, this can be problematic. Many times have I sat next to Armrest Hoggers, Leg Spreaders, Beer Spillers, Body Odor Wafters, Get Up And Scootch Out Of The Row Thirty Times A Gamers, and other Ers of equal or greater levels of annoying.
Last night, Wifey Poo and I went to Busch Stadium to watch her Cardinals take on my Yankees. We’re not going to talk about the 4-3 home-team victory because that will just make me angry. We’re going to talk about the father and son who came into our row and sat down next to Wifey Poo as the top of the first began.
The duo were, as many fans in attendance last night, clad in Yankee gear. I myself sported a Cardinals jersey of new Yankee Harrison Bader and a Yankees cap. The son was a clean-cut, 20-ish, tall kid, and Dad seemed to be straight out of a Grateful Dead tribute band. As we learned, the duo have embarked on a quest to visit every Major League ballpark together, and Busch is Stop No. 1. They planned to fly out Thursday evening from Newark Airport in New Jersey, but the flight was cancelled because COVID (or Biden? Or inflation? Or Trump? Or supply chain issues?). Undeterred but still a little panicked, they hopped on a flight to Memphis the next morning, then drove the four-plus hours from Elvisland to Archworld, arriving at Busch just as the National Anthem was being played. By the time they found their seats and us, they were ready for a cold beverage (it was hotter than balls last night) and a seat in which to relax.
Pops & Son live in New Jersey, not all that far from the home of my youth. It was nice hearing some genuine East Coast accents again. Dad was well-versed in baseball history and had a particular fascination with the numbers players from the past wore during their careers. He was a fountain of knowledge on guys I grew up hearing about and told me how his dad is buried yards away from Yankee great Elston Howard. Son seemed like a genuine nice dude, which led Wifey Poo to mention how she had previously thought all East Coast people were mean jerks, which itself led me to remind her that her husband is, in fact, from the East Coast.
It was fun sitting next to those two — certainly more enjoyable than Body Odor Wafter — and by the time the last out was recorded (let’s not talk about that), we parted as Baseball Stadium Friends.
Should a miracle happen and this ever reach their eyes, good luck on the rest of your baseball journey.
Top 5 Things You’ll Learn If You Read This Whole Thing There have been five previous mass extinctions. We’re in the middle of the sixth. We evidently don’t know about 90 percent of the species on our planet. Knowing where babies come from is a relatively new thing. Humans aren’t that special. What if you…Keep reading
Today’s Reasons to Keep Living
- I have a much-needed massage on Sunday for my aching neck.
- Gotta take Boy The Younger to get that mop on top of his head trimmed today.
- Boy The Elder and I are going to St. Louis this evening to the Summer of Littles. If you know, you know.
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🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Heat Wave🥵Lawn Mowing🚜Last Podcast 🎙️ It’s hotter than balls outside in my section of Missourah, and I’m not happy about it. I am not a hot-weather person. I hate heat. I sweat easily. I turn red even easier. Having a bald head does not match well with sun exposure. And has…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Friends😔What To Do?🙋Creepy Dolls 🎎 Yesterday was a rough day. It’s one thing to be a person with essentially no friends. It’s another thing altogether to not be friends with yourself. That’s where I was yesterday — all up in my head and imagining the worst was about to happen in…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Losing Money 🥊The Best F’N Mom Ever👩Heat 🥵 Wifey Poo and I took our weekly date Saturday and went to the city made famous in the original National Lampoon’s Vacation movie: East St. Louis. No, East St. Louis isn’t in Missouri and no, it’s not a popular data destination, but what…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩One Long Sentence 🖊️Birthday Boy🎂Wine & Chocolate 🍷🍫 I remember being a kid and wanting to be an adult. I wanted to drive and have a girlfriend and be able to do whatever it was that I wanted to do, not what someone else said I should do. And now, here…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Ink Stain 🖊️Big Week 🎂Gas Pumps 😂 If getting a link of ink right across the front of your shirt while trying to catch a falling pen isn’t one of the Mondayest of Monday things that can happen to a dude, I’m sure there aren’t too many things that can beat…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Tater Tots🥔The Waffle House League🧇The Baseball Speech ⚾ There’s a reason why baseball was America’s pastime and now is sinking in popularity. Baseball is different from other sports. It has a pace unlike today’s more popular games. It’s meant to be savored, not downed like a shot. Yes, it’s gone from…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Truth ⚖️The Poor Man’s Chipotle🌮Jokes 🤣 Anyone else get sucked in by the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial? I’m not quite sure how it happened, but I did. This is extremely odd because Hollywood culture and all things pop culture in general annoy the crap about of me. There’s just something about…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩What A Game ⚾Brain Power 🧠Stupid People 🤣 The Best Damn Real Estate Team on Either Side of the Mississippi spent much of the day yesterday inside a luxury suite at Busch Stadium, as the Cardinals took on the New York Mets. The game had a little bit of everything —…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Shanghai Surprise 👖Baseball Game ⚾Lawyer Joke😜 On March 27, I ordered some pants. I fully admit I went through Indochino because of its ads on The Tony Kornheiser Show podcast. Marketing works, folks. I’d ordered two custom-made pairs (not pair, Michael) before, and they are great. So I added some khakis…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Marketing Earth Day 🌎Lifeshit 💩Mawwiage 🪢 Happy Earth Day. I love that we celebrate a planet that demonstrates in so many ways how much it doesn’t like us. Today, The Best Damn Real Estate Team on Either Side of the Mississippi is doing a highway cleanup project, so I’ll be on…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩 A Humbling Sport⚾A Kick-Ass Trophy🐴Punk ⛓️ Happy 4/20. This edition of A Puzzle Known As Life is delivered in an edible format, and you’ll feel the effects of all the awesome in about 45 minutes. Enjoy. Boy The Younger had a baseball game last night. It was a cold, windy…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩 Why We Suck🤡No Finishing Power🔚McReally? 🍔 The world is dumb, and America is the leading idiot. I don’t reach this conclusion with any sort of glee. It’s simply what I see. Societies hold together because of three things. Shared stories Strong institutions Social networks that engender trust. The past 10…Keep reading
Time is a fascinating concept to me. I’ve written about it before, but it just seems so arbitrary sometimes. It amazes me how we can suck at it so badly that we have to add an entire extra day every four years to keep our system going — and no one really bats an eye.…Keep reading
I am not good at fantasy sports. This makes absolutely no sense to me. I have been a religious follower of statistics since I was, like, 5. My father would bring the newspaper home from NYC and I’d pour through the sports section to see who did what in the previous night’s baseball games. I…Keep reading
As I’ve previously detailed elsewhere on my site, I have a bit of a Dark Knight problem. It’s kinda like I have a bit of a Shawshank Redemption problem, a Jewel problem and, currently, an Amy Lee/Evanescence problem. I watch or hear something that speaks to my soul, and it becomes an area of intense…Keep reading
There was a time in my life when I had swagger. I was never the most popular or athletic kid in school, but for a while there, I was a really good baseball player. I could hit. I could field. And, boy, could I pitch. Some of the most “over” kids in high school would…Keep reading
I am my music. I don’t know how much simpler to define me than to say that if you want to know who and where I am at a particular moment, check my “recents” in Amazon Music. Music has always been a big thing with me. I understand it now, but I didn’t understand as…Keep reading
I have a complicated history with alcohol. So stupid and naive was I that I it wasn’t until I was 8 years old that I learned a woman could drink beer. I mean, I actually believed beer was not something women were allowed to drink, or maybe it was that I thought that if they…Keep reading
It seems to me that a lot of things are easier these days. For example, I think it’s much easier to be a police detective now than, say, back in the 1960s-90s, when my uncle/godfather worked in Spanish Harlem. There are databases for everything from fingerprints to photos to DNA, and every block in the…Keep reading
Ahh, January 2022, the month that will be remembered as the one in which, despite being vaxed and boosted, that little bitch Covid came to live with me again and as a month that lasted approximately 758 years. Yet despite its general assholeyness and inexplicable length, I managed to actually cross off very few items…Keep reading
I saw yesterday a post on Facebook in which the poster asked, “Is it just me or does it seem like the days are getting longer? I’m not sure what’s happening, but it sure seems like it.” I paused, thinking that it might be a joke before realizing that, no, this poster, a 40-something professional…Keep reading
ACCOMPLISHED No. 42: Create a college football bowl pool with a traveling trophy Sports bring people together. Of course, they also tear people apart. Look no further than the idiots supporting opposing teams in football stadiums who end up in alcohol-fueled brawls. But forget about that for a second. As I was saying, sports bring…Keep reading
In Progress No. 1: Go on 52 dates with CC Wifey Poo (AKA CC, AKA Carla) and I have known each other roughly 30 years. That’s a long time, folks. That’s the amount of time my parents were together when I was like, “Damn, you guys. That’s a long time to be together.” And now…Keep reading
ACCOMPLISHED No. 64: Get into (and stay) in the 99th percentile on Lumosity Back when Longhaul COVID was effectively killing me and sapping my will to live, I went to a neuropsychiatrist, which is essentially a dude who studies the results of the brain’s functioning. I’ve had at least five concussions in my life, which…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩The Voices In My Head 🎤‘Puzzle Pieces’ Origin Story 🎬A New Direction 🧭 I spent much of the past year with my writing trying to find a distinct voice. I dabbled in characters and tried to give each his or her own style. There was Q.F. Conseco, the free-spirited former Hippie…Keep reading
In a few hours, this revolution around the sun will be complete and a new one will begin. Unless something unexpected happens, I will have made it out alive. Hyperbole? Perhaps. But when I look back at the year that was, I feel I’m justified in counting it as a victory that I’m alive and…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Creepy Mail 📪License Plate Strategy 🚗Donald Dick, Err, Duck 🦆 Wifey Poo received a piece of mail recently from a company that looks to buy your car. It was astoundingly bad marketing. The first sentence read, “According to our records, it looks as if you’re driving a VEHICLE.” First of all,…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩The Sad Dad Club 💔A Toast 🥃🥃Done Writing? 🖊️ It took me less than 24 hours as a part of the Dad Whose Child Died Club to learn that membership came with a myriad of uncomfortable situations. It was the day after Jacob (AKA Boy The Eldest) was born and died,…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Plague Life 😷The Real Plan 😭A Hilarious Obituary 🤣☠️ Does it ever randomly smack you in the face that we’re living through a historic freaking pandemic? Are you ever going about what you might fool yourself into believing is your Before Times life and then suddenly something jolts you out of…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Kix 👶Greg 🐟The First iPhone 📱 Life has a way of kicking you in the balls when you least expect it. Wifey Poo and I were cleaning up our lower level today and trying to get all of our crap that was put against the wall in the back by the…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Christmas Video 🎥Fighting The Big Boss 🥊Roland The Farter 🍑💨 I spent much of the day making a video for my job with The Allen Brake Team. I shot the footage a few weeks ago, and today was the day to identify the clips to actually use, assemble them, find the…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩No-Phone Sunday 🚫📱Creepy Moles 🐀Doc Talk 📽️ Today was sort of a practice day for something I put on my “Hundred Things” list for 2022. It was a Digital Detox Sunday, which is No. 63 on the list. To me, this meant that I wouldn’t have any sort of device in…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Trombones are Loud 🎺Birds Aren’t Real 🐦Death to Gymnastic Judges 🤸 Top 5 things that happened at In-Law Family Christmas, held at our humble country home, today. The realization that the mass of youngins has gotten so large now that our little babies have grown up to various new stages that…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Hey There, Dorothy 🌪️Christmas Hurts 🎄Bye-Bye, Checks and Balances ✔️⚖️ If you’re ever in need of some entertainment, might I suggest being in a church with a bunch of homeschool parents when tornado sirens go off? That’s where I found myself tonight, accompanied by Boy The Younger at a spring track…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Car Crash 🚗Video Day 🎞️Five No. 2s!? 💩 The Core 4 is headed out on a winter vacation to Memphis and New Orleans soon. The plan was to rent a vehicle through Turo.com, which is kinda like an Airbnb for cars. I had a quality vehicle picked out and reserved, one…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Shirt Stain 👔Score One for the Unabomber💣Oh Canada 🌈🍁 I arrived at work this morning, put my stuff down on my desk and hit the men’s room because evidently a 42-minute drive is too long for a man of 47 years to comfortably hold his bladder. I did what I do,…Keep reading