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Grandma — July 8, 2022

old couple walking while holding hands

Photo by Noelle Otto on Pexels.com


🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩
Reflections on Grandma 👵
Kids & Death 👨‍👦‍👦
Don’t Say It 🤫


My grandma died yesterday, four days shy of her 96th birthday. As it goes with people at that age, it wasn’t a surprise. She had been fading for more than a year and, though she still was breathing, that version of alive in her final months isn’t what anyone would want for themselves.

Her death marks the final passing of my grandparents and, collectively, the final passing of the grandparents among Wifey Poo and I. My first grandparent died when I was 12. I will turn 48 later this month.

The thing is, I’m not sure what I am feeling right now as I write this. Obviously, there’s a level of sadness, but there’s also something akin to relief that she isn’t suffering anymore. Perhaps my uncertainty with where I stand this morning is due to the fact that any grief I might have had was felt most strongly when Grandma ceased to really be Grandma as her mind slipped. About two months ago, I wrote her a long, long letter to tell her everything I needed to say, but by the time it arrived in the mail, I’m not sure how much of her was truly left to read and understand it. My hope is that it found her in a lucid moment, but I’ll never know.

People are complex, and Grandma was no exception. I hate how dishonest obituaries are with the whole “he was loved by everyone who knew him” stuff, but maybe that’s because I know how many people who have known me don’t love me. Grandma certainly wasn’t loved by everyone who knew her either, so maybe I come by that honestly, or maybe I’m just looking at life honestly. No one who lived and mattered gets away unscathed.

Grandma was incredibly proud of me, her only grandson, and I never doubted for a second that she thought of me as anything other than the best thing since sliced bread, which you have to admit, is pretty cool.

She taught me how to make scrambled eggs with bacon in them. She taught me how to make French toast. She taught me how to put my own damn laundry away. As the story goes, she was taking care of me and Sister while my parents were on vacation, and she did the laundry while I was in school. When I came home, she showed me where it is and told me to put it away. I evidently said something to the effect of “Grandma, that’s woman’s work,” which, in my defense, is something I’m sure Pops had said in my presence as a joke.

Humor is lost on dumb kids sometimes.

She was the young Grandma, the one in old home movies on the sled on the hill in the backyard that seemed so freaking huge when we were kids but wasn’t so much when I saw it on my last return to New York more then a decade ago. (Two decades, could it be?)

Yet Grandma was far from a saint. She had a tumultuous relationship with my aunt — the younger of her two daughter — and was not a good grandmother to the granddaughter from that marriage. Generationally, it might be hard to understand homosexuality, but that doesn’t make it right to not love and accept another human being for who they are.

She was what could be described as an enabler when it came to my grandfather and his alcoholism, which contributed to some of my own really bad childhood memories.

She had on again, off again relationships with her friends and family members, something that is a disturbing part of the female line in our family.

These admissions are perhaps the most honest thing to come out of the darker side of my family and I write them understanding the risk of causing a blowup. But frankly, I’ve reached the point in my life in which I’m sick of the whitewashed version of any history, including my own. Truth is sometimes ugly, and, as with anything I write, this is solely my perspective.

My grandmother was born into a crappy situation. My great-grandmother was a kind old woman who taught me how to play checkers and whose personal belief was that you don’t just let kids win. She was hilarious and uproariously blunt at times.

But that was who she was when I came on the scene.

When Grandma came on the scene, her mother was what you would call a flapper from the 1920s. I’m sure she scandalously showed some ankle from time to time, to say the least. She also dumped Grandma off at a relative’s for several years when Grandma was, like, 5, and this was after they and Grandma’s brother suffered horrific abuse at the hands of a great-grandfather I never knew.

Grandma survived. Great-grandmother got her shit together and ended up providing some stability later in life for her, but to think there wasn’t damage done by that point is to have your head stuck in the sand. For example, I know very little of Grandma’s brother, but what I do know was that he suffered through some extremely unpleasant mental illnesses.

In the wake of Grandma’s death, I’ve been thinking a lot about how impermanent we all are. I have done considerable genealogy work to piece together our family tree, and pretty much anyone who came before my great-grandparents is a mere name and a few dates. There’s precious little about who they were and how they lived.

It would be foolish to say great-grandma woke up one morning and decided to be a crappy parent. Something surely was going on with the people who lived the lives behind those names and dates on the family tree, and the damage inflicted then spiraled down through the decades toward me. Where it started is, at this point, anyone’s guess, but the female line from that branch of the tree is filled with stories of women who did a really poor job of controlling their hands, mouths and emotions and who repeatedly embraced drama like a new lover. In their wake is a battlefield of jagged scars and battered or broken relationships, and it’d be really stupid to think that isn’t continuing today.

Yet my own mother’s life was better than her mother’s, and our lives were better than hers’ when it comes to the worst of the wretched abuses. So in that, Grandma did something good. She broke the worst part of that cycle of extreme abuse and violence.

Being the family writer, I was asked to write Grandma’s obituary. I did the best I could to be fair and honest without being unnecessarily caustic. As I said, I loathe dishonest obituaries that paint a person’s life as a field of a daisies. If such as life has ever happened, I’ve never met the person who led it. So I tried to leave the impression that Grandma saw some shit and did the best she could given the hand she was dealt, and that turned out to be pretty good.

Her life was pocked by the same kind of sludge that seems to stick to all of us by the time we get to and through middle age. But she did a lot of really good things, and one of them was how she loved her grandson.


One of the sucky things about parenting is having to talk to your children about death. Whether it’s the first time a goldfish dies or if it’s a classmate who dies, that chore sucks more than cleaning up their vomit.

Boy The Elder, at 20, could see many of the same things I saw, that Grandma’s death was merciful and that she had done her time here on earth.

Boy The Younger, a newly minted teenager, simply felt the loss. He was with friends most of the day and so didn’t hear the news until around 9 p.m. I was surprised to have him come into my office, where I was quietly pecking away at the keyboard trying to put my thoughts together. BTY is filled past capacity with compassion, so his visit started out as a hug for Dad. It turned into a hug from Dad and a lengthy talk about how we keep people alive even after they’ve gone … by remembering their stories and sharing them with the next generation and impressing upon that next generation how important it is to keep doing the same.

I’m a storyteller. Always have been. I hope BTY will be the same.


Don’t do it. Don’t think it. And certainly don’t say it. I do not want to hear “See, it happens there too!” from one person in the wake of the assassination of the former Japanese prime minister. Of course people shoot people in Japan. They just do it far, far less than people in Amuricah.

So if you’re even thinking about saying something about gun violence in other countries, please know that you’re an idiot and that the United States is the country with the second most gun deaths for the latest year with data, 2019, behind only Brazil.

Gun control is not the only solution. The fact that far more Amuricahns kill themselves with guns than they do others is indicative of a society gone wrong. But whatever we’re trying ain’t working.

So let’s look at Japan’s model and, hey, here’s an idea, let’s give it a 20-year trial while we simultaneously start addressing other factors that are leading to mass violence and horrific suicide rates.

To legally own a firearm in Japan, you have to …

What’s the harm in that, GOPers?

And for the love of God, don’t try to lean on the Second Amendment. It is a completely idiotic argument to think the citizenry having some guns is going to stop a military power like ours that has, like, missiles and tanks and stealth bombers and attack helicopters and battleships and nukes and stuff. Your AR-15 wouldn’t do squat in an uprising against this …


In Other Writing

Bobbi Jo’s Second Story

Many know the one that ended in a famous statue, but there’s more  Bobbi Jo Wright is famous in certain circles for being the girl in the statute, the one who was lifted up and held by the Shriner. But sometimes, there’s another memory that jumps past the event that led to the sculpture that…

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Today’s Reasons to Keep Living

  1. Gotta stick around to write more family obits.
  2. The weekend is almost here and I’m taking my mother-in-law to the casino tomorrow.
  3. This nasty-ass heat wave is supposed to break for a day tomorrow.

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Future Wife — July 16, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Jewel💎First Kiss💋Slow Ahead🐢 Wifey Poo and I are headed out into the sweltering hell that is Missourah this evening to see the woman who, should she knock on my door and say “let’s go,” I am fully empowered to join in the next part of life’s journey. I jest. Sort of.…

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Population Growth — July 15, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Parenthood 🚓Alexa 📋Quick-Hitters 👋 Just about every statistic imaginable tells us we shouldn’t have kids — at least, not if we’re concerned about our own happiness, mental health, marriage, career, finances, time or ability to buy a really boss car instead of a freaking minivan. Yet here we are, still a…

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Ouchy Obituary — July 13, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Lawrence Pfaff Sr. Sucks 🚓Engagement Talk 🌯Quick-Hitters 👋 From what I know of Lawrence H. Pfaff Sr. of Belmont, NY, he was kind of a douche. The 81-year-old man died on June 27. I never met him. Never even heard of him. Until I read his obit. And about that obit?…

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HOV Lane — July 11, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Travelling Companion🚓Free Beans 🌯Unfollowed 👋 Brandy Bottone is either stupid or brilliant. Whichever it is, she’s also right. The Texas woman was traveling in the HOV lane — which, for the country folk out there, stands for High Occupancy Vehicle and is reserved for cars with two or more people to…

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Gamblin’ With The Judester— July 10, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Slots 🎰Dude Perfect ⚽Bye Bye Facebook? 👋 My mother-in-law (AKA The Judester) is nearly 81 years old and has knee problems that keep her from getting around too well these days. Watching her stand up from a chair is to feel pain yourself. Yet when I walked into the Ameristar casino…

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Unproductive — July 6, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Sleepwalking 🧨DnD Gang 🎲Gas Idiots 🛢️ If there were a day-by-day measure of the collective output of workers in these here United States of Amuricah (and for all I know, there is), I would venture to guess that July 5 ain’t our most productive day. I base this on my observations…

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Stuck By Patriotism — July 4, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Stupid Parade 🧨Math Matters ➗What Amazon Reveals 🚚 Not being a hugely patriotic person at this point in my life, I made no plans to go to any Fourth of July parade this year. It seems mighty foolish to be celebrating freedoms that are eroding right before our eyes, though I…

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Div — July 3, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Alone Time, Girl Time 👩‍👧Picture Hanger🔨What Amazon Reveals 🚚 Wifey Poo and I found ourselves in an interesting position at home today for a little bit: Alone. Boy The Elder took off for Six Flags with his buds, and Boy The Younger left with a friend and his family (Chicken Owner,…

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Car Guy — July 2, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Oil Change 👨‍🔧Goose Lover🛦Church & State⛪ Based on my history, the last place anyone should ever look for me is underneath a car. Yet that’s where I found myself late this morning, side-by-side with Boy The Elder as he showed me exactly how stupid I’ve been all my life. I’m not…

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Objectively Speaking — July 1, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Media Bias 📰Rudy’s Sandals 🩴Lack of Faith ⚖️ I’ve watched with interest the blowback against newspaper tyrant Gannett following its reminder to its journalists in the wake of the Supreme Court’s undoing of Roe v. Wade that they are not to take sides on social media. “You cannot use social media…

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Booby Beep — June 30, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Censorship 🍈🍈Newspaper Talk 📰Toothbrush 🦷 I did my first actual “work” thing at my new job yesterday. The first two-plus days have been filled with meeting new people and learning about the kazillion awesome products we sell so I can talk somewhat intelligently about what we do. But then Nu Bossman…

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Decision Time — June 29, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Hitler Talk ⚖️Chicken Postscript 🐣Green Seats ⚾ I wonder when the average German in the 1930s/1940s said something akin to “Oh shit.” There has to be a point when the rational, sane sauerkraut-lover realized that perhaps his or her vote for a certain mustachioed politician was a really bad idea. For…

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Nu Job — June 27, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Take Me Away🛀Period Tracker🩸Choose Wisely💒 Arriving for the first day at a new job is kind of like showing up in a new town after throwing away your old identity. It’s a blank slate, and you can be anyone you’d like to be. Want to go by a different name? Go…

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America The Embarrassing — June 25, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Racist Billboard🐲Roe Silence😶Guest Bulldog🐶 Driving out of rural northern Arkansas today to return home after several days in a cabin in the boonies, I passed a billboard that was startling, to say the least. It starts off innocently enough with a very true statement: “It’s not racist to 💗 people.” I…

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PMS Boat Sales — June 23, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Uranus Sleeper🔭Cabin Rules🩲Taco Seasoning🌮 What does Cuba, Uranus, Sleeper, Doolittle and a billboard saying “If we don’t return to 2 Chronicles, than were finished” have in common? They all were on the route from my Humble Rural Missourah Home to the cabin in the boonies of Arkansas that is my home…

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Catalytic Converter — June 22, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Check Engine 🚗Declined 🥡Murder Suspect 🔪 Every once in awhile, life throws you a pleasant surprise that seems to even the score a bit. Wifey Poo’s car is up for an emissions inspection this year. Her “check engine” light has been going on and off for a year or so, and…

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Float Trip — June 20, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩River Thoughts 🛶Little Annoyances 😠Birthday Boy 🎂 I didn’t know what a float trip was until I met Wifey Poo. I’m not even sure today that the term “float trip” is used outside Missourah. But if you’re a Missourahn, when someone says, “Wanna go on a float trip?” you know a…

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Genetics — June 17, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩My Boys 👨‍👦‍👦Work Drinking🥃Feeling Good 😎 I’ve understood since seventh-grade science class how a child is a somewhat random and yet somewhat traceable mish-mash of his parents and their parents and their parents ad infinitum. It’s so cool to see that play out with my own boys. Boy The Elder is…

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Luchasaurus— June 16, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩The Stinger 🦂Inflation 🎈Housing Costs 🏘️ There’s something quite amazing about witnessing a human dinosaur be thrown through a stack of four tables. That was just one of the scenes from last night as Boys The Elder & Younger and I attended AEW Dynamite and Rampage. The biggest news from the…

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Relieved of Duty — June 15, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Shitty Goodbye 💩Bald Is Beautiful 👨‍🦲Housing Market 🏘️ It’s official: My duty ensuring the continued breathing of roughly 20 chickens for Wifey Poo’s and Boy The Younger’s vacationing friends is over. Success! All birds were present and accounted for this morning, as I said goodbye to my new friends — Gertrude,…

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Matt Damon — June 14, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩CrytpoStupidity ₿Coffee Seltzer ☕Chicken Update🐓 I like to make fun of Matt Damon. I know this comes from a place of deep-seated insecurity because Matt Damon is, well, Matt Damon and I am not. Yet it’s fun to make fun of Matt Damon, precisely because he is Matt Damon — all…

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STD Insurance — June 12, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Meatloaf🦎Ugly Fish🐟Chicken Update🐓 You can buy insurance for many things. Your car. Your home. Your boat. Your health. Your eyes, teeth or brain (which, for some reason, is separate from your health). And now, according to a Missourah court, you can buy insurance that pays you if you contract a sexually…

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Stupid Chicken — June 10, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Kentucky Fried Idiot 🍗Johnny Boy Marketing✏️Airplanes!🛦🛦🛦🛦🛦 There’s a scene in the 1979 film Rocky II in which the titular character (sorry, I’ve always wanted to write that …) is tasked by his trainer Mickey with chasing a chicken. Rocky was pummeled into oblivion — though somehow managed to eek out a…

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Golf Wars — June 9, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Rogue Golfers 🐝Nay Voters🐟Chicken Day🥤 Golfers are known as being a genial sort. Whereas a basketball player could maul an opponent driving the lane, leaving him bloody and unconscious, and still complain about the foul called on him, golfers actually call fouls on themselves! Yet the world of professional golf is…

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Buzz Off — June 8, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Bees Suck 🐝Bees As Fish🐟Cup O’ Pee🥤 I hate bees. Yes, I know they’re somehow the lynchpin on which our species’ survival will turn, but seriously, if we’re so fragile that we’re depending on a stinging invertebrate to keep us going, well, perhaps we’re not really so special after all. My…

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Chicken-Sitter — June 6, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Poultry Responsibilities 🐔Fine Dining🥩Crappy Year For Music🎵 I am many things. I am a husband, a father, a marketing guy, a storyteller, a jokester, a damn good parallel parker and a guy who played on a basketball team that lost 135-3. What I am not is a farmer. I left my…

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Crypto Candidates — June 5, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩NASCAR President ₿Creepy Coffee☕Chef BTE 🍖 We all know that just about every politician at any level is, in some way, bought and paid for, right? I mean, perhaps your local school board representative isn’t (though she might be owned by her kid), but when you reach the state and national…

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Snark News — June 4, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Dessert, Not Desert 🍨Happy Belated Birthday, McLovin 🎁Men Kissing 🏳️‍🌈 I started out my career in the news business and quickly learned that people suck. I mean, back in the mid-1990s, the internet was just becoming a thing — we even capitalized it … Internet … and wrote “e-mail” instead of…

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Promises — June 3, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩New Job🧑‍💼Happy Times🤗Small World ⚾ Buckle up. It’s story time. Today I made a reservation for Ruth’s Chris steakhouse on Sunday for me, Wifey Poo and Boys The Elder and Younger. The Core Four is getting dressed up. Keep in mind, we are not Ruth’s Chris people. It’s not that we…

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Suits — June 1, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Pants on the Ground👖Pimp Slap✋Pissin’ in the Wind🌬️ I had occasion to wear a suit yesterday. This was notable because I evidently hadn’t worn said suit in about a year. Over those 365 days, I’ve lost roughly 30 pounds. Thus, I showed up to the engagement necessitating a suit looking like…

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Blister in the Sun — May 30, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Chainsaws Suck🪓Early Arrival✈️Shrimp on the Barbie🦐 I awoke bright and early this morning, kissed Wifey Poo on the forehead and went outside ready to put chainsaw to felled tree. I live far enough out in the country that crankin’ up a chainsaw at 6:30 a.m. on a holiday morning isn’t a…

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The Indy — May 29, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Racin’🏎️Heat☀️Gorilla Guy🦍 When I was a small boy, the Indianapolis 500 was must-see TV. I’m not sure exactly how it started, but it must have been around 1978 — when I was a 4-year-old boy who loved Matchbox cars and big wrecks. It was around that time that Pops brought home…

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Ambulance Chaser — May 27, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩My Fullback 🚑Sicky Poo 🤒Helium Shortage 🎈 I don’t get paid anywhere close to enough to deal with St. Louis traffic when it rains. Not that St. Louis drivers are uniquely bad. I would imagine large swaths of drivers in other cities react just as poorly to the presence of moisture…

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Rubber Snakes — May 26, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Taking Toys Away 🔫Checked Out ✈️Windsurfing Kid 🌬️ Many moons ago, I had a toy rubber snake. That my parents would have allowed such a purchase is shocking, given that Mother Dearest was terrified of anything remotely reptilian and Sister wasn’t that far behind. Yet there, in the depths of my…

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Texas Tragedy — May 25, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Shut Up🤫Waffle House 🧇Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes🤗 So here’s something I don’t quite understand: Why is anyone, especially our political leaders, expressing “shock” over what happened in Texas yesterday. Dude … the sun rose yesterday. The sun has risen every single freaking day for the course of humanity. The sun will rise tomorrow. That’s…

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Sandwich Artist — May 24, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Subway Obsession😞Guard Dog 🐶Chainsaw John🪓 Every child is peculiar in his or her own way. It’s an early indication we all should recognize that none of us is normal. We’re all weird. And that’s OK. Boy The Younger has always had his peculiarities. As a small child, he was fascinated with…

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One-Piano Family — May 22, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Musical History🎹Why Write? 🖊️Loser Level😔 We finally have only one piano in our house! Now, don’t get to thinking we’re this uber-musical family. We’re not. Wifey Poo, from what I hear, was a helluva clarinetist back in her day and did, indeed, take piano lessons. Boy The Elder is really good…

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Knowing — May 21, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Beyond Tired😫Busting Ass 🐝Covid Sadness😔 Everything is knowable. When I look back at the pace of change in my life, I think that’s the biggest difference between my life as a child and my life as an adult. Back then, if you wondered something, you just … wondered it. I mean,…

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Grandpa — May 17, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Sad Anniversary😞My Back! 😳Dachau😭 Thirty-five years ago today, my first grandparent died. Grandpa was my favorite grandparent, and in looking back, I think it was because of his willingness to join my world. Grandpa played games with me endlessly. He taught me how to play rummy. He would spend hours on…

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Study Abroad — May 15, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Bye-Bye BTE✈️Rival Riot Rumble 🤼‍♂️Old Man John🤕 In a few hours, Boy The Elder will board a plane headed for Germany. He just completed his sophomore year at Mizzou, and now he’s going overseas for a two-week study-abroad session in which he’ll allegedly learn more about food science and fermentation and…

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Family — May 13, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Double-U🧸Big Sis 🦸‍♀️Preggo Healer 🤰 Anyone remember Speak & Spell? If you’ve seen E.T., you’ve seen it before. Don’t know why, but I was thinking about this toy the other day. For some reason, spelling wasn’t school if you had one of these things to play with. I can still hear…

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Heat Wave — May 12, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Heat Wave🥵Lawn Mowing🚜Last Podcast 🎙️ It’s hotter than balls outside in my section of Missourah, and I’m not happy about it. I am not a hot-weather person. I hate heat. I sweat easily. I turn red even easier. Having a bald head does not match well with sun exposure. And has…

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Wherever You Go … — May 10, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Friends😔What To Do?🙋Creepy Dolls 🎎 Yesterday was a rough day. It’s one thing to be a person with essentially no friends. It’s another thing altogether to not be friends with yourself. That’s where I was yesterday — all up in my head and imagining the worst was about to happen in…

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Gambling — May 8, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Losing Money 🥊The Best F’N Mom Ever👩Heat 🥵 Wifey Poo and I took our weekly date Saturday and went to the city made famous in the original National Lampoon’s Vacation movie: East St. Louis. No, East St. Louis isn’t in Missouri and no, it’s not a popular data destination, but what…

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Relentlessness — May 5, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩One Long Sentence 🖊️Birthday Boy🎂Wine & Chocolate 🍷🍫 I remember being a kid and wanting to be an adult. I wanted to drive and have a girlfriend and be able to do whatever it was that I wanted to do, not what someone else said I should do. And now, here…

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Monday Things — May 2, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Ink Stain 🖊️Big Week 🎂Gas Pumps 😂 If getting a link of ink right across the front of your shirt while trying to catch a falling pen isn’t one of the Mondayest of Monday things that can happen to a dude, I’m sure there aren’t too many things that can beat…

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