🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩
Hitler Talk ⚖️
Chicken Postscript 🐣
Green Seats ⚾
I wonder when the average German in the 1930s/1940s said something akin to “Oh shit.” There has to be a point when the rational, sane sauerkraut-lover realized that perhaps his or her vote for a certain mustachioed politician was a really bad idea.
For a variety of reasons, I like history. I think it’s extremely instructive for the present. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about if we’re at a key decision point in what will eventually be written as the History of the American Empire, and so many of those thoughts are of the average German before/during World War II.
I am extremely forthright in stating that Amuricah and I are on the outs. The more I’ve read, the more I’ve learned and the more I’ve paid attention, the more I see Our Great Nation as hypocritically idealistic from the start, a global bully for more than a hundred years and so far off course right now that it’s really just a matter of time before our internal rot starts oozing out all over the couch (if it hasn’t already).
After reading the testimony of Cassidy Hutchinson yesterday before the committee investigating Donald Trump’s attempt to overthrow our democracy and then listening to the Trumpeteers in my life remain either willfully ignorant or brazenly stupid, I’m feeling pretty much done with those who continue to have their heads buried up their asses.
Which brings me back to Hitler.
I am loathe to trot out the Hitler comparison, if only because it’s been done so often by so many on such trivial things. I, personally, have never brought out that comparison in any sort of discussion or debate, and I’ve shut down those who tried to compared, say, a grumpy refrigerator repairman to the guy whose life plan included the extermination of millions of human beings.
Yet I’m starting to wonder if it applies here.
At some point — and I don’t know exactly what that point was — it became not-OK to be a German who was ambivalent about Hitler. There was a moment in which every German had to pick which side he or she was going to join. Refusal to make a choice was, in and of itself, a choice. And saying “I wasn’t really paying attention when I made my choice” didn’t absolve a person of moral guilt as the stacks of bodies grew higher and higher.
I’m starting to believe we’re at that point right now in America.
Similar with my stance on Amuricah, I am not shy about saying Donald Trump is an evil narcissist who attempted to subvert democracy and was an all-around shitty human being even before he did that. I say this as someone raised Republican and as someone who still has some conversative viewpoints. I’ve voted Republican and am still proud of most of those votes. But what has happened to that party in the past decade would be laughable were it not so dangerous.
I sat back and made fun of the GOP and its voters for actually considering Trump as anything other than a charlatan and TV personality, let alone a candidate for the presidency. I watched as good people — including members of my own damn family — were taken in by his whole “outsider” shtick and decided that a vote for Trump was a worthwhile vote for Not Hillary. I was shocked back then that otherwise rational people could look at a pile of dog crap and a pile of horse crap and happily dive into one while proudly exclaiming its virtues as they bathed themselves in it.
I left the Christian church in no small part because I listened to its leaders fawn over this man and donate church-goers’ dollars to his candidacy. I watched those in the pews proudly wave his flag. I was not and could not and will not be one of them.
I watched him bumble through his presidency like a drunk monkey trying to do calculus. I watched him make fun of people with disabilities. I watched him bully people and humiliate people and generally be exactly the Donald Trump his supporters elected. And I watched the people who allowed him to do this not give a shit and then willingly cast another ballot for him.
Put it simply: I see Donald Trump. I see those who support him. Still. And I’m really wondering if now is the time to make a decision. Hitler’s Germany isn’t the only example of these kind of decision points. They dot the landscape of history. Knowing what Trumpeteers support or, at the very least, remain willfully ignorant to, is it time for me to say that those people — whomever they might once have been in my life — are on the other side of a line I’m not willing to cross and don’t really want to associate with? And am I OK if Trumpeteers who look at me as family or friend examine me and decide the same thing?
The more I think about it, the more I read, the more I observe, the more I watch, the more I investigate … the more OK I am saying that I’m very, very close to that decision point. There was a time when associating with a person who associated with Hitler’s beliefs became more than association … when it became support. I am so, so hesitant to make any particular issue more than it is, but I really wonder if that’s possible with what’s going on right now. I don’t want to be seen in the annals of history as one who supported what, to me — at this very moment — already is indefensible and unsupportable.
Because, to be clear, it’s not just Trump. It’s all those in government who bowed down to his growing power and enabled him, much like the blob, to expand his path of destruction. It’s the justices he put on our highest court who have become more activists than interpreters. It’s those in my home state who run for state and local office by attaching themselves to his ideals. It’s the idiots driving around in their pickup trucks flying Trump 2024 flags next to Muricahn flags and confederate flags. And it’s those who continue to say “Well, I couldn’t vote for Biden, so what choice did I have?”
Dude, the absence of a great choice or even a good choice doesn’t mean you should vote for what is so plainly a horrible choice. I’m so far from what anyone would consider a supporter of the current administration, and I was very much not a Hillary fan. I see the fact that we as a nation are routinely putting up woefully inadequate candidates to compete for the most important position in the world as yet another sign of Amuricah’s decline. But that doesn’t mean that I’m willing to put myself in anyone’s camp just because the other camp sucks worse. Again, when does association turn into support?
Yesterday, a woman who was there talked about how she heard and saw the most powerful person in the world and his associated lackeys become incredibly aware that the crowd they’d assembled through their continual pushing of a false narrative was armed, lathered up and dangerous. She then was witness to his attempt to not only not stop them but actually join them and lead them in what became their attempt to cancel through violence what every single sane and rational person agrees was an election with legitimate results.
People died because of these decisions.
A lot more people could have died.
I believe a lot more people are going to die.
So today, I’m picking my side. Those who associate with Trump in any way? They’re not me. If you’re one of them based on what you believe and how you did and would cast your vote, I’m not with you. I don’t care if you’re blood, I don’t care if we’ve had a 30-year relationship, I don’t care if I don’t really know you very well.
You’ve chosen your side.
I’ve chosen mine.
Woo boy. That sure was heavy. So let’s talk about chickens.
As my regular readers may recall (hey you three!), I recently was tasked with babysitting chickens belonging to my wife’s and Boy The Younger’s friends. This was an incredibly unwise decision, as I should never be confused with a Farm Person. Yet there I was a few weeks back, collecting eggs and trying (comically unsuccessfully) to get nine chickens back in their coop in the evening.
An interesting postscript to this comedy: I essentially am a chicken abortionist.
Now I know what you’re thinking: “This is going to be more heavy talk, and I really don’t want to hear anymore about Roe v. Wade.”
Chill out. We’re good. Stay with me.
When being given instructions on how to care for the chickens, the chicken owner told me that one particular hen was being “broody.” My first thought was, “Yeah, well, welcome to my teen years (and many of my adult years, for that matter),” but no, she wasn’t talking about the chicken being deep in a grunge phase. She was talking about this hen’s hormonal desire to be a momma. So broody was she that she would go all Will Smith on anyone who tried to collect her eggs.
So, said Chicken Owner, Broody Hen was going to be put in timeout for the duration of their vacation, kept in a separate enclosure in the garage.
Now, I sympathize with the plight of a Broody Hen. I sympathize with the plight of any chicken. It’s got to be really frustrating to continually produce that which would bring new life, only to have obnoxious humans shoo you away so they can steal it and eat it.
I also love eggs.
Scrambled. Fried. Whatever. It pairs so magnificently with bacon, it’s as if both animals that lead to those products should be together in the same place at some point in their existence.
- Here’s the thing: I have no idea how a chicken egg good for my frying pan is different from a chicken egg that is a protective shield for a new chicken.
My father taught me the birds and the bees using an example from his favorite hobby — tropical fish. The fact that fish lay eggs on coral and then a male comes around to fertilize them and that we were constantly instructed to not scare his fish because the mother would eat the eggs or the newly hatched babies should give you some indication of the scope of the problem (and I deeper appreciation for the fact that I have helped produce new humans).
I went about collecting eggs because I was told to collect eggs. I was instructed: “Eat the eggs.” And boy howdy, was I down for that! On Day 1, I went into the garage and, after unlocking Broody Hen’s enclosure, used a yellow Wiffle Ball bat I found in the yard to scooch her out of the way.
Her five eggs joined all the other eggs I gathered during Chicken Owner’s family vacation.
Then one day shortly after Chicken Owner and family returned, BTY went to play with Chicken Owner’s son. Suddenly, Wifey Poo’s phone started blowing up but, as we were on a date, she courteously ignored it.
It was later that night when I was getting ready for bed that she came in and said “You didn’t eat any of Broody Hen’s eggs, did you?”
Most questions that end with a comma followed by “did you?” aren’t questions anyone wants to be asked. This is one of them.
“Ummm,” I said, trying to remember when I ate what eggs and how I could possibly know which ones belonged to which hens. “Maybe?”
“Well, yeah, Holly said we should probably throw them out because they could be actual chickens.”
Apparently, BTY had told his buddy about me gathering Broody Hen’s eggs along with the others’, and Chicken Owner felt bad that she had neglected to tell me, “Those eggs? Leave them alone. They’re gonna be chickens.” So confused was Chicken Owner and family that Broody Hen had no eggs when they came home and so freaking depressed was Broody Hen that she had refused to move since their return that they had to go to the local Rural King, buy chicks (yay for living in Missourah and being able to go to the store and buy chicks, amaright?), distract Broody Hen and then shove the chicks underneath her so she would think of them as her own.
Did I eat a developing chicken? Quite possibly. Did I notice any difference? Umm, no? Put it this way: There were no feathers.
Do I feel horrible to have stolen Broody Hen’s babies? Absolutely. Though I do feel a little bit better because some chicks that otherwise would never have known a mother are getting a little “mom time” with their adopted parent now.
Oh, and I’m never taking care of any farm animal ever again.
My family is not wealthy. I am now finally making a good wage after some really big bumps in our financial road over the past seven years or so. This is fine, because, in general, we’re pretty regular people and far from materialistic.
For example, we, as a family, love baseball. When we go to Busch Stadium for a game, all of us are more than happy to simply be in the ballpark, which is good because the seats we get are more associated with nose bleeds than close encounters with great baseball players.
Last night was different. The Core 4 made its way to Busch Stadium. The boys had no idea what was coming.
I’d been given these tickets from a rep of a business I worked with in my previous job. It was only after I’d selected them that I found out where these seats were.
The boys were impressed that we actually had a parking pass and didn’t go to our usual lot about a half-mile from the stadium. There’s a point at which parking drops from $20 to $10, and that’s our lot.
Not last night. We parked in the shadow of the stadium and walked the 100 feet to the gates. I then said I wanted to go see the field up close and went down to the Green Seats.
In Busch, the Green Seats are the ones that are right behind home plate. They come with a pre-game all-you-can-eat buffet that is more “upscale hotel” and less “Golden Corral.” It also includes all-you-can-eat, at-your-seat service for food and drinks once the game starts.
When the boys realized what was going on, they freaked out. I’d been waiting for that moment for a month. It was so cool to see their genuine excitement.
We watched the game, we laughed, we joked, we had up-close views of some of the players on our Waffle House Fantasy Baseball League players, and we sampled way too much food. It was good.
I don’t begrudge people who have done well financially and for whom such experiences are regular things. But I think I’ll always be appreciative of the fact that those kind of things aren’t regular for the C4 and, more so, that when they occur, my kids see them as special.
Seven Steps to the Dawn of Dystopia
🔻 What’s Below 🔻What shows our vulnerability 👨🏼🦳👨🏾🦳What step we’re currently on 🎈What the spark would be 💥 Ahhh, Dystopia, that imagined land where we watch zombies and Katniss and Mark Zuckerberg dance a creepy new form of the tango while asking ourselves, “If that’s what things are going to be like after The Fall,…Keep reading
Today’s Reasons to Keep Living
- BTE is going to teach me how to change my car’s oil this weekend.
- Life just feels good right now.
- Wifey Poo. She’s awesome.
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🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩’Cousin’ Laughs🎤Improv!?!? 🎭Drake Hoops 🏀 Back when I was a boy, I had a favorite Cousin-Who-Wasn’t-A-Cousin. His name was Joey DeVito, and he was in no way a blood relation to me, though I called his father Uncle Frankie and his mother Aunt Celia. I’m pretty sure this is an East…Keep reading
Doughnut Guy — Dec. 17, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Glazed 🍩Bingo! 🖥️Disappearing Christians ⛪ I didn’t intend to bring doughnuts for my co-workers yesterday morning. It just sorta happened. How it happened and how it played out is a window into my weird mind. First, an explanation: I have a card purchased from Boy The Younger that entitles me to…Keep reading
James and Stinky — Dec. 15, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩STL’s Homeless 😥Snake Hoo-Hoos 🐍That Was Epoch 👴 I found James huddled underneath a blanket as he sat, knees to his chest, head bowed, just outside the doorway of a CVS in the Delmar Loop section of St. Louis. If you’re not familiar with the area, it’s a fun place filled…Keep reading
Paul Silas — Dec. 14, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Knicks Memory 🏀JBM LLC 🧑🏼💼Brain Drain 🧠 My most memorable interaction with Paul Silas occurred when I was a 17-year-old kid with big dreams of being a sports reporter. I’d talked with Paul before — his wife and Mother Dearest were active in the local Make A Wish Foundation chapter and…Keep reading
Humbug — Dec. 13, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Piped-In Music 🎵Astronomy 🔭Fusion ☢️ Here’s the thing about Christmas: I want to love it, and in many ways, I do. I love giving gifts and, to be honest, I love getting gifts. There’s something so cool about the magical times when someone knows you well enough to get you that…Keep reading
Aunt Pauline — Dec. 9, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Familial Reflections 👪Career Rebuild 🛠️Andrea 📱 It’s hard to think of my Aunt Pauline as old, hard to imagine how it is that she’s just about to leave her 80s and, thus, it’s hard to understand how she could be in such poor health right now. Aunt Pauline is Father Dearest’s…Keep reading
Bye-Bye, Zombies — Dec. 8, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩The Walking Dead 🧟Nose B Gone 👃Turkey Trouble 🦃 I spent Tuesday night watching the final episodes of The Walking Dead. I have always been the type who can get so lost in a good story that I have really strong emotions (shocker, I know) when it ends. It happens with…Keep reading
Redefining Family — Dec. 6, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Who’s Family? 👪Music Speaks 🎵Wedding Websites 👨❤️👨 I was raised as an East Coast Italian, despite being a mixed bag of ethnicities born in Denver, Colorado. That meant that there was this huge importance placed on family that’s not necessarily shared with the same ferocity by others. Yet as I grew…Keep reading
Grief — Dec. 5, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Messy Grief 😔Hear Ye! 👂Die Trump Die 😡 I am acutely aware that I am hardly alone as a 48-year-old man when I say that I am well acquainted with grief. I’m not sure if it was always this way — though I imagine it was — but I don’t think…Keep reading
Human Jewel Beetles — Dec. 3, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Beer Bottle Connections 🍺Ear Concerns 👂BTE vs. Deer 🦌 What exactly is reality? Is there a limit to the universe? How can something as heavy as the Earth be just sort of suspended … and what exactly is it suspended in? This is the rabbit hole I’ve fallen down, all while…Keep reading
Be Yourself — Dec. 1, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩A Good Self 👋Urgent Care, Revisited 👩⚕️Slow Down 🐢 I remember this time back in sixth grade when a trusted adult was talking to me as I struggled through what turned out to be a pretty life-defining traumatic experience. The friends I’d grown up with since I was a small boy…Keep reading
Deer Drama — Nov. 30 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Shooting a Fake Deer 🦌Time Spent Poorly ⏰Child Support 💸 About midway up my left shin underneath my leg hair is a scar about three inches long and the width of a deer antler. Well, a fake deer antler, anyway. “Deer-antler width” is hardly a standard unit of measurement, I know,…Keep reading
Metallica! — Nov. 29 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Gods of Music Deliver! 🎸Insta-Anger 😠Unpleasant 😓 I was in need of something good to happen yesterday. Desperate need. The gods of music delivered. Metallica is coming to St. Louis in concert in 2023 for a two-day show at the Dome at the America Center. I found out about this at…Keep reading
Double Ear Infection — Nov. 27, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Urgent Care 👂👂Alone Update 😔Rest 🛏️ It’s never a good sign when, less than two seconds after sticking a light in your ear and gazing through the little viewfinder thingy (patent pending), the doctor says, “Oooooooooh.” That was followed by a diagnosis of a “nasty” left ear infection and the question,…Keep reading
Fitting in — Nov. 25, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Alone 😔Christmas Changes🎄My Two Skillz 🔪 I would venture to guess that most of us like the feeling of fitting in somewhere. Even the most self-confident, secure person likes to have a tribe. We’re social creatures, and to have a place we just seem to slide into safely is a blessing.…Keep reading
Spouse+ Subscription — Nov. 23, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Marriage Talk 💑Requesting Money 💰Murder-Free 🔪 If you’ve been married as long as I have (rounding the corner and heading toward 26 years), you understand that conversations between spouses can sometimes be awfully weird. I mean, Wifey Poo and I have known each other more than 30 years now. How much…Keep reading
Coffee Hand — Nov. 22, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Man Cold? 🤒Balloon Analogy 🎈World Flop ⚽ If you want to know how my Monday started yesterday, I poured coffee all over my hand. It isn’t that I don’t know how to pour coffee. I’ve done it a billion times. It’s that, on this particular Monday, somewhere in between the start…Keep reading
Zoo Signs — Nov. 20, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Gorilla Harassment 🦍Brother Love 👨👦👦True Crime 🔪 My love of wild animals was fostered early in my childhood. Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom was appointment viewing for my family. I grew up with scenes of hungry cheetahs chasing down baby gazelles that included what’s not included on nature shows today ……Keep reading
No Slides Allowed — Nov. 17, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Presentation Skillz 📽️No Tribe 😔Fuck 45 🖕 There was a time not all that long ago, cosmically speaking, that the mere thought of standing up in front of a crowd and giving a talk would have made me want to throw up in my shoes. In fact, there has been a…Keep reading
What’s Funny? — Nov. 15, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Boss Kudos 🙌Chill Time 😌One In 8 Billion🧍 It always feels good when the Big Bossman comes up to you and shakes your hand for a job well done. That happened last night when El Presidente of our company congratulated me on the video I wrote, shot and produced for our…Keep reading
Engaged — Nov. 14, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩BTE and Div 💍Brother Greetings 👨👩👦👦Travel Day ✈️ The morning after Boy The Elder was born, I awoke in the hospital to his sweet cooing and his momma’s deep-sleep breathing. Scooping him up carefully and holding him nervously, I sat in a rocking chair in the pre-dawn darkness and talked to…Keep reading
Dying Democracy — Nov. 11, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Election Message 🗳️School Priorities 🏫Tickets Aplenty 🎫 It would seem to me that if a common sentiment from wise people following an election is that it’s a good thing the results were so muddled because it means not much will get done in the next two years, you’ve got yourself a…Keep reading
Fairy Tale — Nov. 9, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Stephen King 🕮Legal Weed🌿Public Schools🏫 I read my first Stephen King book when I was in high school. It was summer, if I remember correctly, and everywhere I went, I carried a worn library copy of Pet Sematary. Since that time, King’s words have been a regular companion through every stage…Keep reading
Year In Music — Nov. 5, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Concert Craze 🎵Back Crackin’👩⚕️To-Dos Done🚗 My year of music is over. And, my God, has it been good. It started on a sweltering mid-July afternoon at Hollywood Casino Amphitheater in which Wifey Poo and I watched my Backup Wife Jewel do her thing. It ended last night on an evening that…Keep reading
Update: My Favorite African — Nov. 3, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Little D’s Return 🏥Irony 🔨Planet Killer 🌎 Being a host parent to a little boy from Africa (Burkina Faso, to be precise) was one of the hardest and most rewarding things I’ve ever done in my life. And now, that little boy is returning to the United States. For those not…Keep reading
Mega Billions — Nov. 2, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Stupid IT Rules 🖥️The Bend 🚑Is The War Over? ✌️ Tonight, there will be a lottery drawing in which someone could win $1.2 billion. That someone won’t be me, as I didn’t buy a ticket, but it didn’t stop me from thinking about what I would and wouldn’t do with that…Keep reading
Fun Family — Nov. 1, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Family Dynamics 👪New Mattress 🛏️To Share Or Not To Share? ❓ Let’s say the only cracker you’ve ever eaten is a Saltine. You have no experience with any other crackers. In fact, you don’t even know that there is such a thing as other crackers. You might not love the Saltine,…Keep reading
Halloween Haters— Oct. 31, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Ghosts of Halloween 👻Wrinkles 👴Words Spawn Action ✍️ Wifey Poo made a bold declaration about her opinion of Halloween on our drive back from Springfield, Missourah, Saturday afternoon: “Halloween is a great time for kids to dress up …” If you think there’s more to that statement, nope. She added: “Period.”…Keep reading
How I Do Me — Oct. 27, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Empath Life 🤗Earthquake 🌎Revolutionary Failure 😶 About six months after I started my career as a professional journalist, I started walking past this job opening in our company every time I walked in and out of the building. It was for editor of a weekly paper routinely ridiculed by those who…Keep reading
School Shooter Match Game — Oct. 24, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Game Time 🎮Family Picture📸Marriage Tips 🪢 I remember when it was simple. Horrible, yes … but simple. There was Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold and they matched up with Columbine — which, side note, would have been my high school had my parents not moved to NY when I was 2.…Keep reading
Helping the Homeless — Oct. 23, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Helper Bags 🆘What’s In The Bag?🎒Mini Golf ⛳ I was raised to avoid the homeless. Avoid eye contact. Avoid conversation. And most definitely avoid giving them anything they asked for. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this, which doesn’t make me feel any better. What was instilled in me as…Keep reading
Marcus F’n King — Oct. 21, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Books & Covers 🕮Seeking Balance ⚖️Weirdo🤪 We’re taught at an early age to not judge a book by its cover. If I remember correctly, that was impressed upon me sometime around the first grade. Yet to be honest, I don’t think it’s a lesson that ever really sunk in. I imagine…Keep reading
Political Ads — Oct. 20, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Illegals or Guns? 🤦Scrolling Through Stupidity 🖱️Worst Nurse Ever 👩⚕️ If there’s anything I hate more than politics and politicians, it’s political advertising. Cutting the cable cord has lessened its intrusiveness in my life, yet it still manages to seep in. Case in point: I was watching the Padres-Phillies game last…Keep reading
Chocolateman— Oct. 19, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Passion 🍫Sarcasm 😜Poop 💩 I appreciate people who are passionate about something. Well, except politics. Then I’d prefer it if you’d just keep your mouth shut. But if you’re super-interested in photography, goats, cooking, geocaching, quilting, etching … whatever … your enthusiasm feeds my soul. Which is part of the reason…Keep reading
Top 5 Things From The Past Week: Oct. 10-16 edition
Welcome to Issue No. 9 of Listicles, the feature that presents the Top 10, Top 5, Top 3, Top 100 or Top 1,000,000 of whatever it is you want to know about. Email your Listicle suggestions to email@example.com. No. 5: I pledged to finish something I am a writer. If I’m going to be a…Keep reading
Evolution — Oct. 17, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Monkey Crap 🐒BTY Day 👨👦Incomplete Stories 🖊️ If you’re of the belief that human beings evolved from apes, I’m not here to try to dissuade you. What I am here to say is that, if evolution is true, we sure have come a long way. I say this after a trip…Keep reading
Basement Water — Oct. 15, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Personal Growth 🌱Mad Mom 😠Oh, Jeffrey 🧠 About a year ago, Arti The Wonder Therapist waited patiently for me to finish yet another of my amazing monologues detailing just how I felt about the various situations I was attempting to address in my life at the time and then calmly asked…Keep reading
Death! Death! Death! — Oct. 14, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Cue the Outrage 🔫Animal Extinction 🐆Eye Update 👀 Even back in the day when I considered myself a Republican (before the dark times … before the Trumpire), I never quite understood the death penalty. Perhaps it was because I looked around at the other nations that still killed people as punishment…Keep reading
Corneal Complications — Oct. 13, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Hello Darkness, My Old Friend 👀COVID Costs 🦠Jackass Jones Verdict👩⚖️ I’ve spent much of this week so far in forced darkness. After I wrote on Monday morning, my right eye started to get blurry. Then it got real blurry. Then it became utterly useless. In this, I have reprised my role…Keep reading
Mattress Shopping — Oct. 10, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Awkward Shopping 🛏️Disingenuous Holiday 🗓️Help the Homeless 😔 If there’s a more awkward retail excursion than mattress shopping, I have yet to find it in my 48 years. Wifey Poo and I went to a high school gym to do exactly that on Sunday afternoon. The bed we’ve been sleeping in…Keep reading
So Long, Cards — Oct. 9, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Playoff Disappointment ⚾Oh, Britney 📲Friendship Failure 😔 In the span of just more than 24 hours, I went from the excited expectation of being in Busch Stadium to watch the hometown St. Louis Cardinals eliminate the Philadelphia Phillies and advance to the next round of the playoffs to watching those Phillies…Keep reading
Playoff Baseball — Oct. 6, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Baseball Gear-Grinders ⚾Sunrise Woes 🌄Heavy Pumpkins 🎃 There are a few baseball-related indignities in my home that, as the saying goes, grind my gears. The first is that there is a state championship trophy on the mantel above the fireplace in our Humble Country Home with a gold-plated baseball player, bat…Keep reading
There Will Be Blood — Oct. 5, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Weird Wound Treatment 🧂Phillies Bring Doom ⚾Meetings Suck 👎🏽 Apparently, I’ll take medical advice from waitresses and allow myself to receive medical treatment from busboys. This, I learned last night. I have a tendency to get hurt in really interesting ways. When I tell you that I once got a concussion…Keep reading
Top 5 Things From The Past Week: 9/26-10/2
Welcome to Issue No. 8 of Listicles, the feature that presents the Top 10, Top 5, Top 3, Top 100 or Top 1,000,000 of whatever it is you want to know about. Email your Listicle suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org. No. 5: I held an epic car concert If you were anywhere in the vicinity of my…Keep reading
Place Your Bets — Oct. 3, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Football Picking God 🏈Fish Story 🐟Free Floating ☁️ A few months before Boy The Elder was born, I had about $100 set aside to buy Wifey Poo a gift that I intended to give her after she ushered our child into the world. It was the least I could do for,…Keep reading
Sliced Bread — Sept. 30, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩New Route Home 🏎️Confirmed Weirdness 🤪Here’s Your Sign 🤦 I took a new route home from the western part of Missourah yesterday after doing the whole open-house thing for work in St. Joseph. Rather than shoot down to I-70 and traverse the state on that familiar road, I went across Hwy.…Keep reading
Rental Tank — Sept. 29, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Woo-Woo vs. The Beast 🛻Dart Throwers 🎯My Job 📋 I am not used to driving a tank. My normal vehicle is Woo-Woo, AKA The Shitty Little Car, AKA a Nissan Versa. It’s practical. It gets great gas mileage. I hate it. Woo-Woo normally accelerates as quickly as a child asked to…Keep reading
LinkedIn — Sept. 26, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Unwitting Guinea Pigs 🐹False Bragging 🦹♂️Put Me In, Coach 🚀 My regular readers (hey, you three!) know that I have a hatred for social media’s influence on society with an intensity rivaled only by the heat of a thousand suns. The latest bit of “Are you fucking kidding me?” comes from…Keep reading
Top 5 Things From The Past Week: 9/9-9/25
Welcome to Issue No. 7 of Listicles, the feature that presents the Top 10, Top 5, Top 3, Top 100 or Top 1,000,000 of whatever it is you want to know about. Email your Listicle suggestions to email@example.com. No. 5: I reached out to a friend I have not been shy about sharing that I’ve…Keep reading
iPhone Envy — Sept. 25, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩More Stupid Human Stuff 📱KC Trip ⚾Miserable Missourah 😠 Quick: Take a look around you. If you’re in a room with five other people, one of them thinks you’re financially struggling if you don’t have the latest iPhone. That’s according to a new survey following the release of the iPhone 14.…Keep reading
Human Babies — Sept. 23, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Loser Species 👶Email Win 📧Dad Pride 👨👦👦 I’m pretty sure I’m not normal. Normal people respond to that statement with, “Oh, John, nobody’s normal,” which is just a sign for us non-normies that the person we’re talking to is normal. Yesterday, I was waiting for Wifey Poo to pick me up…Keep reading
In It — Sept. 22, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Concert Thoughts 🧠Marriage 💍Drunk Idiots 🧉 There’s this scene in the 2004 movie Garden State in which Sam (Natalie Portman) looks at Andrew (Zach Braff) and notices … … And yeah, that resonated with me then and resonates with me now. Ever since then, being “in it” has become a thing…Keep reading
Remembering Sarah — Sept. 21, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Sadness 😥Beautiful Skies ⛅Two Terms For 2022 ✌️ Back in our early days at Pound Ridge Elementary School, Sarah was the fastest girl runner in the class, which bought her some serious playground cred. There were only a few of us boys who could hang with Sarah in the 50-meter dash…Keep reading
Small Ear Canal — Sept. 19, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Ear Flushing👂Grunge God🎶Tech Guy📺 If you have to have a doctor tell you a body part or yours is small, I suppose one of the least offensive would be the ear canal. That’s what a doctor told me this morning, after I finally broke down and actually went to said doctor’s…Keep reading
Sunday Randomness — Sept. 18, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Two, Four, Six, Eight👑Tips💰Book Buying📖 Some random thoughts from the week that was: Today’s Reasons to Keep LivingKeep reading
Nominee Day! — Sept. 16, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Toys in the Hall🪅Idiot Governors🗳️Flopping FedEx✈️ Last night in my hotel in Springfield, Missourah, I set out a glass of milk and a plate of cookies before going to bed. It’s not that I don’t know how to read a calendar or have any particular belief in a fat man in…Keep reading
Springfields Aplenty — Sept. 15, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Which One?🗺️Leave Introverts Alone🤫Oxford Commas🤪 I’m on the road for work this week, in Springfield. Ahhh, but Springfield what? There currently are 35 populated places in the United States named Springfield, spread out over 25 states, including five in Wisconsin. In addition, there are 35 Springfield Townships, and Ohio owns 11…Keep reading
F’n COVID — Sept. 13, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Surrounded 😷Wood Splitter 🌲Morons 🤪 I’ve had COVID. Twice. The first time fucked up my life for a year. I’m still not back to the me I was before it came into my home, and I’m pretty sure that now, nearly two years later, that’s not going to change. The second…Keep reading
One response to “Decision Time — June 29, 2022”
[…] said months ago that we’ve reached a decision point with that moron, that you’re either against the hatred or for the way he’s taken the […]