Decision Time — June 29, 2022


🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩
Hitler Talk ⚖️
Chicken Postscript 🐣
Green Seats ⚾


I wonder when the average German in the 1930s/1940s said something akin to “Oh shit.” There has to be a point when the rational, sane sauerkraut-lover realized that perhaps his or her vote for a certain mustachioed politician was a really bad idea.

For a variety of reasons, I like history. I think it’s extremely instructive for the present. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about if we’re at a key decision point in what will eventually be written as the History of the American Empire, and so many of those thoughts are of the average German before/during World War II.

I am extremely forthright in stating that Amuricah and I are on the outs. The more I’ve read, the more I’ve learned and the more I’ve paid attention, the more I see Our Great Nation as hypocritically idealistic from the start, a global bully for more than a hundred years and so far off course right now that it’s really just a matter of time before our internal rot starts oozing out all over the couch (if it hasn’t already).

After reading the testimony of Cassidy Hutchinson yesterday before the committee investigating Donald Trump’s attempt to overthrow our democracy and then listening to the Trumpeteers in my life remain either willfully ignorant or brazenly stupid, I’m feeling pretty much done with those who continue to have their heads buried up their asses.

Which brings me back to Hitler.

I am loathe to trot out the Hitler comparison, if only because it’s been done so often by so many on such trivial things. I, personally, have never brought out that comparison in any sort of discussion or debate, and I’ve shut down those who tried to compared, say, a grumpy refrigerator repairman to the guy whose life plan included the extermination of millions of human beings.

Yet I’m starting to wonder if it applies here.

At some point — and I don’t know exactly what that point was — it became not-OK to be a German who was ambivalent about Hitler. There was a moment in which every German had to pick which side he or she was going to join. Refusal to make a choice was, in and of itself, a choice. And saying “I wasn’t really paying attention when I made my choice” didn’t absolve a person of moral guilt as the stacks of bodies grew higher and higher.

I’m starting to believe we’re at that point right now in America.

Similar with my stance on Amuricah, I am not shy about saying Donald Trump is an evil narcissist who attempted to subvert democracy and was an all-around shitty human being even before he did that. I say this as someone raised Republican and as someone who still has some conversative viewpoints. I’ve voted Republican and am still proud of most of those votes. But what has happened to that party in the past decade would be laughable were it not so dangerous.

I sat back and made fun of the GOP and its voters for actually considering Trump as anything other than a charlatan and TV personality, let alone a candidate for the presidency. I watched as good people — including members of my own damn family — were taken in by his whole “outsider” shtick and decided that a vote for Trump was a worthwhile vote for Not Hillary. I was shocked back then that otherwise rational people could look at a pile of dog crap and a pile of horse crap and happily dive into one while proudly exclaiming its virtues as they bathed themselves in it.

I left the Christian church in no small part because I listened to its leaders fawn over this man and donate church-goers’ dollars to his candidacy. I watched those in the pews proudly wave his flag. I was not and could not and will not be one of them.

I watched him bumble through his presidency like a drunk monkey trying to do calculus. I watched him make fun of people with disabilities. I watched him bully people and humiliate people and generally be exactly the Donald Trump his supporters elected. And I watched the people who allowed him to do this not give a shit and then willingly cast another ballot for him.

Put it simply: I see Donald Trump. I see those who support him. Still. And I’m really wondering if now is the time to make a decision. Hitler’s Germany isn’t the only example of these kind of decision points. They dot the landscape of history. Knowing what Trumpeteers support or, at the very least, remain willfully ignorant to, is it time for me to say that those people — whomever they might once have been in my life — are on the other side of a line I’m not willing to cross and don’t really want to associate with? And am I OK if Trumpeteers who look at me as family or friend examine me and decide the same thing?

The more I think about it, the more I read, the more I observe, the more I watch, the more I investigate … the more OK I am saying that I’m very, very close to that decision point. There was a time when associating with a person who associated with Hitler’s beliefs became more than association … when it became support. I am so, so hesitant to make any particular issue more than it is, but I really wonder if that’s possible with what’s going on right now. I don’t want to be seen in the annals of history as one who supported what, to me — at this very moment — already is indefensible and unsupportable.

Because, to be clear, it’s not just Trump. It’s all those in government who bowed down to his growing power and enabled him, much like the blob, to expand his path of destruction. It’s the justices he put on our highest court who have become more activists than interpreters. It’s those in my home state who run for state and local office by attaching themselves to his ideals. It’s the idiots driving around in their pickup trucks flying Trump 2024 flags next to Muricahn flags and confederate flags. And it’s those who continue to say “Well, I couldn’t vote for Biden, so what choice did I have?”

Dude, the absence of a great choice or even a good choice doesn’t mean you should vote for what is so plainly a horrible choice. I’m so far from what anyone would consider a supporter of the current administration, and I was very much not a Hillary fan. I see the fact that we as a nation are routinely putting up woefully inadequate candidates to compete for the most important position in the world as yet another sign of Amuricah’s decline. But that doesn’t mean that I’m willing to put myself in anyone’s camp just because the other camp sucks worse. Again, when does association turn into support?

Yesterday, a woman who was there talked about how she heard and saw the most powerful person in the world and his associated lackeys become incredibly aware that the crowd they’d assembled through their continual pushing of a false narrative was armed, lathered up and dangerous. She then was witness to his attempt to not only not stop them but actually join them and lead them in what became their attempt to cancel through violence what every single sane and rational person agrees was an election with legitimate results.

People died because of these decisions.

A lot more people could have died.

I believe a lot more people are going to die.

So today, I’m picking my side. Those who associate with Trump in any way? They’re not me. If you’re one of them based on what you believe and how you did and would cast your vote, I’m not with you. I don’t care if you’re blood, I don’t care if we’ve had a 30-year relationship, I don’t care if I don’t really know you very well.

You’ve chosen your side.

I’ve chosen mine.


Woo boy. That sure was heavy. So let’s talk about chickens.

As my regular readers may recall (hey you three!), I recently was tasked with babysitting chickens belonging to my wife’s and Boy The Younger’s friends. This was an incredibly unwise decision, as I should never be confused with a Farm Person. Yet there I was a few weeks back, collecting eggs and trying (comically unsuccessfully) to get nine chickens back in their coop in the evening.

An interesting postscript to this comedy: I essentially am a chicken abortionist.

Now I know what you’re thinking: “This is going to be more heavy talk, and I really don’t want to hear anymore about Roe v. Wade.”

Chill out. We’re good. Stay with me.

When being given instructions on how to care for the chickens, the chicken owner told me that one particular hen was being “broody.” My first thought was, “Yeah, well, welcome to my teen years (and many of my adult years, for that matter),” but no, she wasn’t talking about the chicken being deep in a grunge phase. She was talking about this hen’s hormonal desire to be a momma. So broody was she that she would go all Will Smith on anyone who tried to collect her eggs.

So, said Chicken Owner, Broody Hen was going to be put in timeout for the duration of their vacation, kept in a separate enclosure in the garage.

Now, I sympathize with the plight of a Broody Hen. I sympathize with the plight of any chicken. It’s got to be really frustrating to continually produce that which would bring new life, only to have obnoxious humans shoo you away so they can steal it and eat it.

I also love eggs.

Scrambled. Fried. Whatever. It pairs so magnificently with bacon, it’s as if both animals that lead to those products should be together in the same place at some point in their existence.

  • Here’s the thing: I have no idea how a chicken egg good for my frying pan is different from a chicken egg that is a protective shield for a new chicken.

My father taught me the birds and the bees using an example from his favorite hobby — tropical fish. The fact that fish lay eggs on coral and then a male comes around to fertilize them and that we were constantly instructed to not scare his fish because the mother would eat the eggs or the newly hatched babies should give you some indication of the scope of the problem (and I deeper appreciation for the fact that I have helped produce new humans).

I went about collecting eggs because I was told to collect eggs. I was instructed: “Eat the eggs.” And boy howdy, was I down for that! On Day 1, I went into the garage and, after unlocking Broody Hen’s enclosure, used a yellow Wiffle Ball bat I found in the yard to scooch her out of the way.

Motherload!

Her five eggs joined all the other eggs I gathered during Chicken Owner’s family vacation.

Then one day shortly after Chicken Owner and family returned, BTY went to play with Chicken Owner’s son. Suddenly, Wifey Poo’s phone started blowing up but, as we were on a date, she courteously ignored it.

It was later that night when I was getting ready for bed that she came in and said “You didn’t eat any of Broody Hen’s eggs, did you?”

Most questions that end with a comma followed by “did you?” aren’t questions anyone wants to be asked. This is one of them.

“Ummm,” I said, trying to remember when I ate what eggs and how I could possibly know which ones belonged to which hens. “Maybe?”

“Well, yeah, Holly said we should probably throw them out because they could be actual chickens.”

“Wait, what?”

Apparently, BTY had told his buddy about me gathering Broody Hen’s eggs along with the others’, and Chicken Owner felt bad that she had neglected to tell me, “Those eggs? Leave them alone. They’re gonna be chickens.” So confused was Chicken Owner and family that Broody Hen had no eggs when they came home and so freaking depressed was Broody Hen that she had refused to move since their return that they had to go to the local Rural King, buy chicks (yay for living in Missourah and being able to go to the store and buy chicks, amaright?), distract Broody Hen and then shove the chicks underneath her so she would think of them as her own.

Did I eat a developing chicken? Quite possibly. Did I notice any difference? Umm, no? Put it this way: There were no feathers.

Do I feel horrible to have stolen Broody Hen’s babies? Absolutely. Though I do feel a little bit better because some chicks that otherwise would never have known a mother are getting a little “mom time” with their adopted parent now.

Oh, and I’m never taking care of any farm animal ever again.


My family is not wealthy. I am now finally making a good wage after some really big bumps in our financial road over the past seven years or so. This is fine, because, in general, we’re pretty regular people and far from materialistic.

For example, we, as a family, love baseball. When we go to Busch Stadium for a game, all of us are more than happy to simply be in the ballpark, which is good because the seats we get are more associated with nose bleeds than close encounters with great baseball players.

Last night was different. The Core 4 made its way to Busch Stadium. The boys had no idea what was coming.

I’d been given these tickets from a rep of a business I worked with in my previous job. It was only after I’d selected them that I found out where these seats were.

The boys were impressed that we actually had a parking pass and didn’t go to our usual lot about a half-mile from the stadium. There’s a point at which parking drops from $20 to $10, and that’s our lot.

Not last night. We parked in the shadow of the stadium and walked the 100 feet to the gates. I then said I wanted to go see the field up close and went down to the Green Seats.

In Busch, the Green Seats are the ones that are right behind home plate. They come with a pre-game all-you-can-eat buffet that is more “upscale hotel” and less “Golden Corral.” It also includes all-you-can-eat, at-your-seat service for food and drinks once the game starts.

When the boys realized what was going on, they freaked out. I’d been waiting for that moment for a month. It was so cool to see their genuine excitement.

We watched the game, we laughed, we joked, we had up-close views of some of the players on our Waffle House Fantasy Baseball League players, and we sampled way too much food. It was good.

I don’t begrudge people who have done well financially and for whom such experiences are regular things. But I think I’ll always be appreciative of the fact that those kind of things aren’t regular for the C4 and, more so, that when they occur, my kids see them as special.


Seven Steps to the Dawn of Dystopia

🔻 What’s Below 🔻What shows our vulnerability 👨🏼‍🦳👨🏾‍🦳What step we’re currently on 🎈What the spark would be 💥 Ahhh, Dystopia, that imagined land where we watch zombies and Katniss and Mark Zuckerberg dance a creepy new form of the tango while asking ourselves, “If that’s what things are going to be like after The Fall,…

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Today’s Reasons to Keep Living

  1. BTE is going to teach me how to change my car’s oil this weekend.
  2. Life just feels good right now.
  3. Wifey Poo. She’s awesome.

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Float Trip — June 20, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩River Thoughts 🛶Little Annoyances 😠Birthday Boy 🎂 I didn’t know what a float trip was until I met Wifey Poo. I’m not even sure today that the term “float trip” is used outside Missourah. But if you’re a Missourahn, when someone says, “Wanna go on a float trip?” you know a…

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Genetics — June 17, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩My Boys 👨‍👦‍👦Work Drinking🥃Feeling Good 😎 I’ve understood since seventh-grade science class how a child is a somewhat random and yet somewhat traceable mish-mash of his parents and their parents and their parents ad infinitum. It’s so cool to see that play out with my own boys. Boy The Elder is…

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Luchasaurus— June 16, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩The Stinger 🦂Inflation 🎈Housing Costs 🏘️ There’s something quite amazing about witnessing a human dinosaur be thrown through a stack of four tables. That was just one of the scenes from last night as Boys The Elder & Younger and I attended AEW Dynamite and Rampage. The biggest news from the…

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Relieved of Duty — June 15, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Shitty Goodbye 💩Bald Is Beautiful 👨‍🦲Housing Market 🏘️ It’s official: My duty ensuring the continued breathing of roughly 20 chickens for Wifey Poo’s and Boy The Younger’s vacationing friends is over. Success! All birds were present and accounted for this morning, as I said goodbye to my new friends — Gertrude,…

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Matt Damon — June 14, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩CrytpoStupidity ₿Coffee Seltzer ☕Chicken Update🐓 I like to make fun of Matt Damon. I know this comes from a place of deep-seated insecurity because Matt Damon is, well, Matt Damon and I am not. Yet it’s fun to make fun of Matt Damon, precisely because he is Matt Damon — all…

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STD Insurance — June 12, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Meatloaf🦎Ugly Fish🐟Chicken Update🐓 You can buy insurance for many things. Your car. Your home. Your boat. Your health. Your eyes, teeth or brain (which, for some reason, is separate from your health). And now, according to a Missourah court, you can buy insurance that pays you if you contract a sexually…

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Stupid Chicken — June 10, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Kentucky Fried Idiot 🍗Johnny Boy Marketing✏️Airplanes!🛦🛦🛦🛦🛦 There’s a scene in the 1979 film Rocky II in which the titular character (sorry, I’ve always wanted to write that …) is tasked by his trainer Mickey with chasing a chicken. Rocky was pummeled into oblivion — though somehow managed to eek out a…

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Golf Wars — June 9, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Rogue Golfers 🐝Nay Voters🐟Chicken Day🥤 Golfers are known as being a genial sort. Whereas a basketball player could maul an opponent driving the lane, leaving him bloody and unconscious, and still complain about the foul called on him, golfers actually call fouls on themselves! Yet the world of professional golf is…

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Buzz Off — June 8, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Bees Suck 🐝Bees As Fish🐟Cup O’ Pee🥤 I hate bees. Yes, I know they’re somehow the lynchpin on which our species’ survival will turn, but seriously, if we’re so fragile that we’re depending on a stinging invertebrate to keep us going, well, perhaps we’re not really so special after all. My…

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Chicken-Sitter — June 6, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Poultry Responsibilities 🐔Fine Dining🥩Crappy Year For Music🎵 I am many things. I am a husband, a father, a marketing guy, a storyteller, a jokester, a damn good parallel parker and a guy who played on a basketball team that lost 135-3. What I am not is a farmer. I left my…

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Crypto Candidates — June 5, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩NASCAR President ₿Creepy Coffee☕Chef BTE 🍖 We all know that just about every politician at any level is, in some way, bought and paid for, right? I mean, perhaps your local school board representative isn’t (though she might be owned by her kid), but when you reach the state and national…

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Snark News — June 4, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Dessert, Not Desert 🍨Happy Belated Birthday, McLovin 🎁Men Kissing 🏳️‍🌈 I started out my career in the news business and quickly learned that people suck. I mean, back in the mid-1990s, the internet was just becoming a thing — we even capitalized it … Internet … and wrote “e-mail” instead of…

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Promises — June 3, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩New Job🧑‍💼Happy Times🤗Small World ⚾ Buckle up. It’s story time. Today I made a reservation for Ruth’s Chris steakhouse on Sunday for me, Wifey Poo and Boys The Elder and Younger. The Core Four is getting dressed up. Keep in mind, we are not Ruth’s Chris people. It’s not that we…

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Suits — June 1, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Pants on the Ground👖Pimp Slap✋Pissin’ in the Wind🌬️ I had occasion to wear a suit yesterday. This was notable because I evidently hadn’t worn said suit in about a year. Over those 365 days, I’ve lost roughly 30 pounds. Thus, I showed up to the engagement necessitating a suit looking like…

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Blister in the Sun — May 30, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Chainsaws Suck🪓Early Arrival✈️Shrimp on the Barbie🦐 I awoke bright and early this morning, kissed Wifey Poo on the forehead and went outside ready to put chainsaw to felled tree. I live far enough out in the country that crankin’ up a chainsaw at 6:30 a.m. on a holiday morning isn’t a…

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The Indy — May 29, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Racin’🏎️Heat☀️Gorilla Guy🦍 When I was a small boy, the Indianapolis 500 was must-see TV. I’m not sure exactly how it started, but it must have been around 1978 — when I was a 4-year-old boy who loved Matchbox cars and big wrecks. It was around that time that Pops brought home…

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Ambulance Chaser — May 27, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩My Fullback 🚑Sicky Poo 🤒Helium Shortage 🎈 I don’t get paid anywhere close to enough to deal with St. Louis traffic when it rains. Not that St. Louis drivers are uniquely bad. I would imagine large swaths of drivers in other cities react just as poorly to the presence of moisture…

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Rubber Snakes — May 26, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Taking Toys Away 🔫Checked Out ✈️Windsurfing Kid 🌬️ Many moons ago, I had a toy rubber snake. That my parents would have allowed such a purchase is shocking, given that Mother Dearest was terrified of anything remotely reptilian and Sister wasn’t that far behind. Yet there, in the depths of my…

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Texas Tragedy — May 25, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Shut Up🤫Waffle House 🧇Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes🤗 So here’s something I don’t quite understand: Why is anyone, especially our political leaders, expressing “shock” over what happened in Texas yesterday. Dude … the sun rose yesterday. The sun has risen every single freaking day for the course of humanity. The sun will rise tomorrow. That’s…

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Sandwich Artist — May 24, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Subway Obsession😞Guard Dog 🐶Chainsaw John🪓 Every child is peculiar in his or her own way. It’s an early indication we all should recognize that none of us is normal. We’re all weird. And that’s OK. Boy The Younger has always had his peculiarities. As a small child, he was fascinated with…

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One-Piano Family — May 22, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Musical History🎹Why Write? 🖊️Loser Level😔 We finally have only one piano in our house! Now, don’t get to thinking we’re this uber-musical family. We’re not. Wifey Poo, from what I hear, was a helluva clarinetist back in her day and did, indeed, take piano lessons. Boy The Elder is really good…

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Knowing — May 21, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Beyond Tired😫Busting Ass 🐝Covid Sadness😔 Everything is knowable. When I look back at the pace of change in my life, I think that’s the biggest difference between my life as a child and my life as an adult. Back then, if you wondered something, you just … wondered it. I mean,…

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Grandpa — May 17, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Sad Anniversary😞My Back! 😳Dachau😭 Thirty-five years ago today, my first grandparent died. Grandpa was my favorite grandparent, and in looking back, I think it was because of his willingness to join my world. Grandpa played games with me endlessly. He taught me how to play rummy. He would spend hours on…

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Study Abroad — May 15, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Bye-Bye BTE✈️Rival Riot Rumble 🤼‍♂️Old Man John🤕 In a few hours, Boy The Elder will board a plane headed for Germany. He just completed his sophomore year at Mizzou, and now he’s going overseas for a two-week study-abroad session in which he’ll allegedly learn more about food science and fermentation and…

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Family — May 13, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Double-U🧸Big Sis 🦸‍♀️Preggo Healer 🤰 Anyone remember Speak & Spell? If you’ve seen E.T., you’ve seen it before. Don’t know why, but I was thinking about this toy the other day. For some reason, spelling wasn’t school if you had one of these things to play with. I can still hear…

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Heat Wave — May 12, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Heat Wave🥵Lawn Mowing🚜Last Podcast 🎙️ It’s hotter than balls outside in my section of Missourah, and I’m not happy about it. I am not a hot-weather person. I hate heat. I sweat easily. I turn red even easier. Having a bald head does not match well with sun exposure. And has…

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Wherever You Go … — May 10, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Friends😔What To Do?🙋Creepy Dolls 🎎 Yesterday was a rough day. It’s one thing to be a person with essentially no friends. It’s another thing altogether to not be friends with yourself. That’s where I was yesterday — all up in my head and imagining the worst was about to happen in…

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Gambling — May 8, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Losing Money 🥊The Best F’N Mom Ever👩Heat 🥵 Wifey Poo and I took our weekly date Saturday and went to the city made famous in the original National Lampoon’s Vacation movie: East St. Louis. No, East St. Louis isn’t in Missouri and no, it’s not a popular data destination, but what…

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Relentlessness — May 5, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩One Long Sentence 🖊️Birthday Boy🎂Wine & Chocolate 🍷🍫 I remember being a kid and wanting to be an adult. I wanted to drive and have a girlfriend and be able to do whatever it was that I wanted to do, not what someone else said I should do. And now, here…

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Monday Things — May 2, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Ink Stain 🖊️Big Week 🎂Gas Pumps 😂 If getting a link of ink right across the front of your shirt while trying to catch a falling pen isn’t one of the Mondayest of Monday things that can happen to a dude, I’m sure there aren’t too many things that can beat…

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The Power of Baseball — May 1, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Tater Tots🥔The Waffle House League🧇The Baseball Speech ⚾ There’s a reason why baseball was America’s pastime and now is sinking in popularity. Baseball is different from other sports. It has a pace unlike today’s more popular games. It’s meant to be savored, not downed like a shot. Yes, it’s gone from…

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Johnny Depp and Libel — April 29, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Truth ⚖️The Poor Man’s Chipotle🌮Jokes 🤣 Anyone else get sucked in by the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial? I’m not quite sure how it happened, but I did. This is extremely odd because Hollywood culture and all things pop culture in general annoy the crap about of me. There’s just something about…

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Baseball, Brawls and Booze — April 28, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩What A Game ⚾Brain Power 🧠Stupid People 🤣 The Best Damn Real Estate Team on Either Side of the Mississippi spent much of the day yesterday inside a luxury suite at Busch Stadium, as the Cardinals took on the New York Mets. The game had a little bit of everything —…

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Where Are My Pants? — April 27, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Shanghai Surprise 👖Baseball Game ⚾Lawyer Joke😜 On March 27, I ordered some pants. I fully admit I went through Indochino because of its ads on The Tony Kornheiser Show podcast. Marketing works, folks. I’d ordered two custom-made pairs (not pair, Michael) before, and they are great. So I added some khakis…

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Earth Day and Marriage — April 22, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Marketing Earth Day 🌎Lifeshit 💩Mawwiage 🪢 Happy Earth Day. I love that we celebrate a planet that demonstrates in so many ways how much it doesn’t like us. Today, The Best Damn Real Estate Team on Either Side of the Mississippi is doing a highway cleanup project, so I’ll be on…

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The Boy Playing Baseball — April 20, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩 A Humbling Sport⚾A Kick-Ass Trophy🐴Punk ⛓️ Happy 4/20. This edition of A Puzzle Known As Life is delivered in an edible format, and you’ll feel the effects of all the awesome in about 45 minutes. Enjoy. Boy The Younger had a baseball game last night. It was a cold, windy…

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It’s the End of the World As We Know It — April 19, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩 Why We Suck🤡No Finishing Power🔚McReally? 🍔 The world is dumb, and America is the leading idiot. I don’t reach this conclusion with any sort of glee. It’s simply what I see. Societies hold together because of three things. Shared stories Strong institutions Social networks that engender trust. The past 10…

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List Item Achieved! #43: Play ball!

I am not good at fantasy sports. This makes absolutely no sense to me. I have been a religious follower of statistics since I was, like, 5. My father would bring the newspaper home from NYC and I’d pour through the sports section to see who did what in the previous night’s baseball games. I…

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List Item Achieved! #47 ‘If You’re Good At Something’

As I’ve previously detailed elsewhere on my site, I have a bit of a Dark Knight problem. It’s kinda like I have a bit of a Shawshank Redemption problem, a Jewel problem and, currently, an Amy Lee/Evanescence problem. I watch or hear something that speaks to my soul, and it becomes an area of intense…

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Welcome Back, Swagger

There was a time in my life when I had swagger. I was never the most popular or athletic kid in school, but for a while there, I was a really good baseball player. I could hit. I could field. And, boy, could I pitch. Some of the most “over” kids in high school would…

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List Item Achieved! #24: Music

I am my music. I don’t know how much simpler to define me than to say that if you want to know who and where I am at a particular moment, check my “recents” in Amazon Music. Music has always been a big thing with me. I understand it now, but I didn’t understand as…

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List Item Achieved! #40: Cheers!

I have a complicated history with alcohol. So stupid and naive was I that I it wasn’t until I was 8 years old that I learned a woman could drink beer. I mean, I actually believed beer was not something women were allowed to drink, or maybe it was that I thought that if they…

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List Item Achieved! #90: Here’s Lookin’ At You, Kid

It seems to me that a lot of things are easier these days. For example, I think it’s much easier to be a police detective now than, say, back in the 1960s-90s, when my uncle/godfather worked in Spanish Harlem. There are databases for everything from fingerprints to photos to DNA, and every block in the…

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List Items Update! January in Review

Ahh, January 2022, the month that will be remembered as the one in which, despite being vaxed and boosted, that little bitch Covid came to live with me again and as a month that lasted approximately 758 years. Yet despite its general assholeyness and inexplicable length, I managed to actually cross off very few items…

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List Items Update: The ‘In-Progress’ Stuff

I saw yesterday a post on Facebook in which the poster asked, “Is it just me or does it seem like the days are getting longer? I’m not sure what’s happening, but it sure seems like it.” I paused, thinking that it might be a joke before realizing that, no, this poster, a 40-something professional…

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List Item Achieved! #42: Bowlin’

ACCOMPLISHED No. 42: Create a college football bowl pool with a traveling trophy Sports bring people together. Of course, they also tear people apart. Look no further than the idiots supporting opposing teams in football stadiums who end up in alcohol-fueled brawls. But forget about that for a second. As I was saying, sports bring…

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List Item Update! #1: Dates!

In Progress No. 1: Go on 52 dates with CC Wifey Poo (AKA CC, AKA Carla) and I have known each other roughly 30 years. That’s a long time, folks. That’s the amount of time my parents were together when I was like, “Damn, you guys. That’s a long time to be together.” And now…

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List Item Achieved! #64: Lumosity

ACCOMPLISHED No. 64: Get into (and stay) in the 99th percentile on Lumosity Back when Longhaul COVID was effectively killing me and sapping my will to live, I went to a neuropsychiatrist, which is essentially a dude who studies the results of the brain’s functioning. I’ve had at least five concussions in my life, which…

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Changing Course — Jan. 1, 2022

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩The Voices In My Head 🎤‘Puzzle Pieces’ Origin Story 🎬A New Direction 🧭 I spent much of the past year with my writing trying to find a distinct voice. I dabbled in characters and tried to give each his or her own style. There was Q.F. Conseco, the free-spirited former Hippie…

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Reflections — Dec. 31, 2021

In a few hours, this revolution around the sun will be complete and a new one will begin. Unless something unexpected happens, I will have made it out alive. Hyperbole? Perhaps. But when I look back at the year that was, I feel I’m justified in counting it as a victory that I’m alive and…

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Disturbing Duck Fact — Dec. 23, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Creepy Mail 📪License Plate Strategy 🚗Donald Dick, Err, Duck 🦆 Wifey Poo received a piece of mail recently from a company that looks to buy your car. It was astoundingly bad marketing. The first sentence read, “According to our records, it looks as if you’re driving a VEHICLE.” First of all,…

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Balloons — Dec. 21, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩The Sad Dad Club 💔A Toast 🥃🥃Done Writing? 🖊️ It took me less than 24 hours as a part of the Dad Whose Child Died Club to learn that membership came with a myriad of uncomfortable situations. It was the day after Jacob (AKA Boy The Eldest) was born and died,…

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‘The Plan’ — Dec. 20, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Plague Life 😷The Real Plan 😭A Hilarious Obituary 🤣☠️ Does it ever randomly smack you in the face that we’re living through a historic freaking pandemic? Are you ever going about what you might fool yourself into believing is your Before Times life and then suddenly something jolts you out of…

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Thinking of Kix — Dec. 18, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Kix 👶Greg 🐟The First iPhone 📱 Life has a way of kicking you in the balls when you least expect it. Wifey Poo and I were cleaning up our lower level today and trying to get all of our crap that was put against the wall in the back by the…

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Battling Bowser — Dec. 14, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Christmas Video 🎥Fighting The Big Boss 🥊Roland The Farter 🍑💨 I spent much of the day making a video for my job with The Allen Brake Team. I shot the footage a few weeks ago, and today was the day to identify the clips to actually use, assemble them, find the…

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Digital Detox Day — Dec. 12, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩No-Phone Sunday 🚫📱Creepy Moles 🐀Doc Talk 📽️ Today was sort of a practice day for something I put on my “Hundred Things” list for 2022. It was a Digital Detox Sunday, which is No. 63 on the list. To me, this meant that I wouldn’t have any sort of device in…

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In-Law Family Christmas — Dec. 11, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Trombones are Loud 🎺Birds Aren’t Real 🐦Death to Gymnastic Judges 🤸 Top 5 things that happened at In-Law Family Christmas, held at our humble country home, today. The realization that the mass of youngins has gotten so large now that our little babies have grown up to various new stages that…

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Tornado Sirens — Dec. 10, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Hey There, Dorothy 🌪️Christmas Hurts 🎄Bye-Bye, Checks and Balances ✔️⚖️ If you’re ever in need of some entertainment, might I suggest being in a church with a bunch of homeschool parents when tornado sirens go off? That’s where I found myself tonight, accompanied by Boy The Younger at a spring track…

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‘When Crazy Comes Knockin’ ‘ — Dec. 9, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Car Crash 🚗Video Day 🎞️Five No. 2s!? 💩 The Core 4 is headed out on a winter vacation to Memphis and New Orleans soon. The plan was to rent a vehicle through Turo.com, which is kinda like an Airbnb for cars. I had a quality vehicle picked out and reserved, one…

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What the Hell is on My Shirt? — Dec. 8, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Shirt Stain 👔Score One for the Unabomber💣Oh Canada 🌈🍁 I arrived at work this morning, put my stuff down on my desk and hit the men’s room because evidently a 42-minute drive is too long for a man of 47 years to comfortably hold his bladder. I did what I do,…

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