🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩
Kentucky Fried Idiot 🍗
Johnny Boy Marketing✏️
There’s a scene in the 1979 film Rocky II in which the titular character (sorry, I’ve always wanted to write that …) is tasked by his trainer Mickey with chasing a chicken.
Rocky was pummeled into oblivion — though somehow managed to eek out a draw (because sequel) in his first fight against world heavyweight champion Apollo Creed — because he was a slow, lumbering, uncoordinated oaf. The grizzled veteran trainer brings a chicken into the training mix to help generate more speed in his fighter because, as Mick says, “If you can catch this thing, you can catch greased lightning.”
Rocky tries and tries and tries to catch the chicken. No luck.
“I feel like a Kentucky Fried idiot,” he mumbles.
I thought of this scene yesterday as the sun faded into the horizon a mile outside my humble rural Missourah home and hour No. 1 faded into hour No. 2 of trying to get eight chickens into their coop.
As regular Puzzle readers might recall, Wifey Poo arranged with a friend who is mother of a friend of Boy The Younger to take care of their chickens while they are on vacation. Wifey Poo then promptly took the boys and left the state — and the chickens to me.
I know nothing of chickens other than how to use their parts in a variety of recipes. But I was game to try to keep these boogers alive until Wifey Poo and Boys The Elder and Younger return (this evening, thank God).
One thing has become perfectly clear in my first 12 hours of chicken-sitting: I am never … never ever … going to catch greased lightning.
When I pulled into the driveway of the chicken-owner’s home, I was encouraged. There were four or five chickens standing just outside the tree line.
“Surely,” thought I, “They will come running when I do the whole bang-on-their-food-bucket thing Holly (chicken mama) showed me to do.”
I got out of my car, checked the empty coop for eggs (none), made sure all the younger chickens were still in their locked-up section of the coop (all present and accounted for) and then got the food bucket.
Bang, Bang, Bang.
Let’s just say I didn’t get the response I’d anticipated.
One — one — chicken lifted its head from its whole “pecking-the-ground” routine and looked at me absentmindedly. The other seven? Well, they must have hearing problems.
Bang, Bang, BANG!
This time, a different chicken was the lone one to acknowledge my Grade A chicken call. The other seven kept being chickens.
“Well shit,” thought I, realizing the well of methods I had inside me to encourage chickens to get into their coop was extremely shallow.
Maybe more repetitive banging would help?
Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang BANG!
Now I had these bastards’ attention. All of a sudden, eight chickens started toward me … first casually, then like a scene out of Jurassic World.
First, let me tell you that chickens are surprisingly fast runners. Second, let me tell you that chickens also are incredibly stupid. I rounded the corner and opened the coop door, expecting the rapidly running birds to follow me and come on in.
Wondering where the stampede had stopped, I peeked my head around the corner. There, the chickens stood pecking at the ground, stopped exactly where they were when I’d left their sight. It was as if, absent the visual reminder that they were headed somewhere, they’d just forgotten they were running and resumed doing chicken things in the new location.
In the next half-hour, I was able to wrangle exactly one chicken into the coop. I named her Gertrude. We have an understanding. I love Gertrude and wish great things for her future.
The other seven chickens? They couldn’t care less that I had resumed banging on the food bucket, and they sure as hell didn’t respond to my whistling or other whoops and yips that worked on my dog and on a cattle drive I went on a decade ago with Father.
An hour in, I thought of Rocky. I thought of how he eventually caught the chicken. But that was after a boss training montage, and I didn’t have time before dark (and the emergence of a crapton of chicken-eating predators) to train or produce the video montage.
A quarter hour after that, seven chickens were in the coop, including one monster rooster I named Billy. I name things. It’s what I do.
One chicken remained.
I hate that chicken. I hate that chicken with the heat of a thousand suns. I wish an incredibly painful death on this chicken, and it wasn’t lost on me that I could probably accomplish that by simply getting in my car and heading home. Coyotes, foxes, Moma the Bigfoot — all of them would love some chicken wings, I was sure.
Yet there in the back of my mind was Wifey Poo and BTY, all sad-looking because their friends now hated them. Or, worse, all sad-looking because their friends starved to death when they didn’t have enough chicken to make it through the winter.
So I waited.
By this time, Stupid Chicken (officially Christened as such) was hiding under the deck.
Folks, there is absolutely no way to get a chicken who wants to hide under the deck out from under said deck. None. Zero. Absolutely no possible way.
So I went home. I got a beverage. I considered bringing Luna Athena Agliata The English Bulldog to serve as a shepherd dog, but she was sleeping lazily on her spot on the floor with her tongue lolling out of her mouth like the doofus she is.
She would be no help.
When I returned to the outpost, Stupid Chicken had come out from under the deck and had resumed her carefree pecking of the ground.
All thoughts of passivity had left my mind. No longer was I going to gently encourage this chicken to get into the coop. No… I was going to charge this chicken and herd her into the coop or punt-kick her in the head while trying.
Funny thing. I noticed at that point that there was a security camera mounted on the house. I imagined Holly and family gathered around a computer on vacation, watching as the idiot husband/dad of their friend proceeded to chase a fleeing, obstinate chicken in circles around the coop and garage.
One time — one time — this chicken fled right toward the coop. But, not wanting to let out the seven chickens I had managed to get into the coop, I’d closed the door. Stupid Chicken ran smack into the mesh, bounced off, then fled toward the woods.
I had first arrived at the outpost at 6:07 p.m. I know this because I looked. It was now 7:57. I would make one. more. try.
I’d like to tell you I took off after Stupid Chicken with reckless determination. I’d like to tell you I cornered Stupid Chicken and bravely grabbed it. I’d like to tell you I then lovingly placed it in the coop.
None of that happened.
What did happen is that I chased the chicken in circles for another 10 minutes and then decided to take a chance. I cracked open the door, threatened the seven other chickens (and put Gertrude in charge of keeping her friends stationary) and then took off after Stupid Chicken again.
On the third lap — third. freaking. lap. — it became apparent Stupid Chicken was bored.
And so when I made one last-ditch sprint, Stupid Chicken casually waddled into the coop, turned around, and flipped me the bird as I locked the door.
I hate chickens. I hate chickens with a fiery hatred typically reserved for Donald Trump.
Yet I was there at 6:30 a.m. this morning, opening the door to let these jerks out again, getting them some food, gleefully stealing their would-be babies for Breakfast For Dinner Night tonight.
I will make another attempt at this chicken wrangling thing tonight. I’ll be better. I’ll get it done.
And I’m bringing my shotgun with me.
I’ve got a lot of big stuff going on in my life. I’ve accepted a new job, which I’ll start June 27. I’ve also ramped up my side gig, officially calling it Johnny Boy Marketing and bringing some structure to it as I prepare to formalize it into an LLC. Wifey Poo now has a different title — Vice President of Operations. I like calling her Veep. It’s cute.
She’s great at that math stuff and is equally great at keeping me accountable to not blow company funds on whatever the latest piece of cool technology is that catches my attention.
I’m open for business. It’s a hobby that brings in revenue. I’m having fun. If you need anything marketing-related — social media management, flyers, videos, articles, press releases, website builds, whatever, Johnny Boy Marketing is where it’s at. Follow us on Facebook, yo!
Boy The Younger is a pretty amazing kid. I say this not because he carries my DNA. I say this because the kid can solve a Rubik’s Cube in 23 seconds. That’s his new record, down from about 40 seconds over the past few months.
I don’t know how he does it. When I ask him, he casually tells me, “algorithms,” which I suppose is true. Algorithms govern the world these days, so they might as well be the key to unlocking the solution to that damn thing that I spent hours working on in the 1980s trying to just get two sides.
I spent yesterday out of the house because getting out of the house ensures I don’t go crazy like Jack from The Shining.
The first part of the day was spent at Alpha & Omega Roasting and Coffee Shop in O’Fallon, Missourah. Then I traveled down to Chesterfield to work from LIT Cigar Lounge. The latter sounded like a Somali town in which U.S. “Intelligence” thinks a militant is hiding right before a bomb blows up a school filled with children. There’s an airshow in Chesterfield this weekend. It’s cool watching those jets do their thang.
In Other Writing …
Chicken-Sitter — June 6, 2022
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Today’s Reasons to Keep Living
- I will outlive Stupid Chicken
- The rest of the Core Four returns home tonight.
- Breakfast For Dinner with fresh eggs.
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🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Gods of Music Deliver! 🎸Insta-Anger 😠Unpleasant 😓 I was in need of something good to happen yesterday. Desperate need. The gods of music delivered. Metallica is coming to St. Louis in concert in 2023 for a two-day show at the Dome at the America Center. I found out about this at…Keep reading
Double Ear Infection — Nov. 27, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Urgent Care 👂👂Alone Update 😔Rest 🛏️ It’s never a good sign when, less than two seconds after sticking a light in your ear and gazing through the little viewfinder thingy (patent pending), the doctor says, “Oooooooooh.” That was followed by a diagnosis of a “nasty” left ear infection and the question,…Keep reading
Fitting in — Nov. 25, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Alone 😔Christmas Changes🎄My Two Skillz 🔪 I would venture to guess that most of us like the feeling of fitting in somewhere. Even the most self-confident, secure person likes to have a tribe. We’re social creatures, and to have a place we just seem to slide into safely is a blessing.…Keep reading
Spouse+ Subscription — Nov. 23, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Marriage Talk 💑Requesting Money 💰Murder-Free 🔪 If you’ve been married as long as I have (rounding the corner and heading toward 26 years), you understand that conversations between spouses can sometimes be awfully weird. I mean, Wifey Poo and I have known each other more than 30 years now. How much…Keep reading
Coffee Hand — Nov. 22, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Man Cold? 🤒Balloon Analogy 🎈World Flop ⚽ If you want to know how my Monday started yesterday, I poured coffee all over my hand. It isn’t that I don’t know how to pour coffee. I’ve done it a billion times. It’s that, on this particular Monday, somewhere in between the start…Keep reading
Zoo Signs — Nov. 20, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Gorilla Harassment 🦍Brother Love 👨👦👦True Crime 🔪 My love of wild animals was fostered early in my childhood. Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom was appointment viewing for my family. I grew up with scenes of hungry cheetahs chasing down baby gazelles that included what’s not included on nature shows today ……Keep reading
No Slides Allowed — Nov. 17, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Presentation Skillz 📽️No Tribe 😔Fuck 45 🖕 There was a time not all that long ago, cosmically speaking, that the mere thought of standing up in front of a crowd and giving a talk would have made me want to throw up in my shoes. In fact, there has been a…Keep reading
What’s Funny? — Nov. 15, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Boss Kudos 🙌Chill Time 😌One In 8 Billion🧍 It always feels good when the Big Bossman comes up to you and shakes your hand for a job well done. That happened last night when El Presidente of our company congratulated me on the video I wrote, shot and produced for our…Keep reading
Engaged — Nov. 14, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩BTE and Div 💍Brother Greetings 👨👩👦👦Travel Day ✈️ The morning after Boy The Elder was born, I awoke in the hospital to his sweet cooing and his momma’s deep-sleep breathing. Scooping him up carefully and holding him nervously, I sat in a rocking chair in the pre-dawn darkness and talked to…Keep reading
Dying Democracy — Nov. 11, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Election Message 🗳️School Priorities 🏫Tickets Aplenty 🎫 It would seem to me that if a common sentiment from wise people following an election is that it’s a good thing the results were so muddled because it means not much will get done in the next two years, you’ve got yourself a…Keep reading
Fairy Tale — Nov. 9, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Stephen King 🕮Legal Weed🌿Public Schools🏫 I read my first Stephen King book when I was in high school. It was summer, if I remember correctly, and everywhere I went, I carried a worn library copy of Pet Sematary. Since that time, King’s words have been a regular companion through every stage…Keep reading
Year In Music — Nov. 5, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Concert Craze 🎵Back Crackin’👩⚕️To-Dos Done🚗 My year of music is over. And, my God, has it been good. It started on a sweltering mid-July afternoon at Hollywood Casino Amphitheater in which Wifey Poo and I watched my Backup Wife Jewel do her thing. It ended last night on an evening that…Keep reading
Update: My Favorite African — Nov. 3, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Little D’s Return 🏥Irony 🔨Planet Killer 🌎 Being a host parent to a little boy from Africa (Burkina Faso, to be precise) was one of the hardest and most rewarding things I’ve ever done in my life. And now, that little boy is returning to the United States. For those not…Keep reading
Mega Billions — Nov. 2, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Stupid IT Rules 🖥️The Bend 🚑Is The War Over? ✌️ Tonight, there will be a lottery drawing in which someone could win $1.2 billion. That someone won’t be me, as I didn’t buy a ticket, but it didn’t stop me from thinking about what I would and wouldn’t do with that…Keep reading
Fun Family — Nov. 1, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Family Dynamics 👪New Mattress 🛏️To Share Or Not To Share? ❓ Let’s say the only cracker you’ve ever eaten is a Saltine. You have no experience with any other crackers. In fact, you don’t even know that there is such a thing as other crackers. You might not love the Saltine,…Keep reading
Halloween Haters— Oct. 31, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Ghosts of Halloween 👻Wrinkles 👴Words Spawn Action ✍️ Wifey Poo made a bold declaration about her opinion of Halloween on our drive back from Springfield, Missourah, Saturday afternoon: “Halloween is a great time for kids to dress up …” If you think there’s more to that statement, nope. She added: “Period.”…Keep reading
How I Do Me — Oct. 27, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Empath Life 🤗Earthquake 🌎Revolutionary Failure 😶 About six months after I started my career as a professional journalist, I started walking past this job opening in our company every time I walked in and out of the building. It was for editor of a weekly paper routinely ridiculed by those who…Keep reading
School Shooter Match Game — Oct. 24, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Game Time 🎮Family Picture📸Marriage Tips 🪢 I remember when it was simple. Horrible, yes … but simple. There was Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold and they matched up with Columbine — which, side note, would have been my high school had my parents not moved to NY when I was 2.…Keep reading
Helping the Homeless — Oct. 23, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Helper Bags 🆘What’s In The Bag?🎒Mini Golf ⛳ I was raised to avoid the homeless. Avoid eye contact. Avoid conversation. And most definitely avoid giving them anything they asked for. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this, which doesn’t make me feel any better. What was instilled in me as…Keep reading
Marcus F’n King — Oct. 21, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Books & Covers 🕮Seeking Balance ⚖️Weirdo🤪 We’re taught at an early age to not judge a book by its cover. If I remember correctly, that was impressed upon me sometime around the first grade. Yet to be honest, I don’t think it’s a lesson that ever really sunk in. I imagine…Keep reading
Political Ads — Oct. 20, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Illegals or Guns? 🤦Scrolling Through Stupidity 🖱️Worst Nurse Ever 👩⚕️ If there’s anything I hate more than politics and politicians, it’s political advertising. Cutting the cable cord has lessened its intrusiveness in my life, yet it still manages to seep in. Case in point: I was watching the Padres-Phillies game last…Keep reading
Chocolateman— Oct. 19, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Passion 🍫Sarcasm 😜Poop 💩 I appreciate people who are passionate about something. Well, except politics. Then I’d prefer it if you’d just keep your mouth shut. But if you’re super-interested in photography, goats, cooking, geocaching, quilting, etching … whatever … your enthusiasm feeds my soul. Which is part of the reason…Keep reading
Top 5 Things From The Past Week: Oct. 10-16 edition
Welcome to Issue No. 9 of Listicles, the feature that presents the Top 10, Top 5, Top 3, Top 100 or Top 1,000,000 of whatever it is you want to know about. Email your Listicle suggestions to email@example.com. No. 5: I pledged to finish something I am a writer. If I’m going to be a…Keep reading
Evolution — Oct. 17, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Monkey Crap 🐒BTY Day 👨👦Incomplete Stories 🖊️ If you’re of the belief that human beings evolved from apes, I’m not here to try to dissuade you. What I am here to say is that, if evolution is true, we sure have come a long way. I say this after a trip…Keep reading
Basement Water — Oct. 15, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Personal Growth 🌱Mad Mom 😠Oh, Jeffrey 🧠 About a year ago, Arti The Wonder Therapist waited patiently for me to finish yet another of my amazing monologues detailing just how I felt about the various situations I was attempting to address in my life at the time and then calmly asked…Keep reading
Death! Death! Death! — Oct. 14, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Cue the Outrage 🔫Animal Extinction 🐆Eye Update 👀 Even back in the day when I considered myself a Republican (before the dark times … before the Trumpire), I never quite understood the death penalty. Perhaps it was because I looked around at the other nations that still killed people as punishment…Keep reading
Corneal Complications — Oct. 13, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Hello Darkness, My Old Friend 👀COVID Costs 🦠Jackass Jones Verdict👩⚖️ I’ve spent much of this week so far in forced darkness. After I wrote on Monday morning, my right eye started to get blurry. Then it got real blurry. Then it became utterly useless. In this, I have reprised my role…Keep reading
Mattress Shopping — Oct. 10, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Awkward Shopping 🛏️Disingenuous Holiday 🗓️Help the Homeless 😔 If there’s a more awkward retail excursion than mattress shopping, I have yet to find it in my 48 years. Wifey Poo and I went to a high school gym to do exactly that on Sunday afternoon. The bed we’ve been sleeping in…Keep reading
So Long, Cards — Oct. 9, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Playoff Disappointment ⚾Oh, Britney 📲Friendship Failure 😔 In the span of just more than 24 hours, I went from the excited expectation of being in Busch Stadium to watch the hometown St. Louis Cardinals eliminate the Philadelphia Phillies and advance to the next round of the playoffs to watching those Phillies…Keep reading
Playoff Baseball — Oct. 6, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Baseball Gear-Grinders ⚾Sunrise Woes 🌄Heavy Pumpkins 🎃 There are a few baseball-related indignities in my home that, as the saying goes, grind my gears. The first is that there is a state championship trophy on the mantel above the fireplace in our Humble Country Home with a gold-plated baseball player, bat…Keep reading
There Will Be Blood — Oct. 5, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Weird Wound Treatment 🧂Phillies Bring Doom ⚾Meetings Suck 👎🏽 Apparently, I’ll take medical advice from waitresses and allow myself to receive medical treatment from busboys. This, I learned last night. I have a tendency to get hurt in really interesting ways. When I tell you that I once got a concussion…Keep reading
Top 5 Things From The Past Week: 9/26-10/2
Welcome to Issue No. 8 of Listicles, the feature that presents the Top 10, Top 5, Top 3, Top 100 or Top 1,000,000 of whatever it is you want to know about. Email your Listicle suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org. No. 5: I held an epic car concert If you were anywhere in the vicinity of my…Keep reading
Place Your Bets — Oct. 3, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Football Picking God 🏈Fish Story 🐟Free Floating ☁️ A few months before Boy The Elder was born, I had about $100 set aside to buy Wifey Poo a gift that I intended to give her after she ushered our child into the world. It was the least I could do for,…Keep reading
Sliced Bread — Sept. 30, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩New Route Home 🏎️Confirmed Weirdness 🤪Here’s Your Sign 🤦 I took a new route home from the western part of Missourah yesterday after doing the whole open-house thing for work in St. Joseph. Rather than shoot down to I-70 and traverse the state on that familiar road, I went across Hwy.…Keep reading
Rental Tank — Sept. 29, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Woo-Woo vs. The Beast 🛻Dart Throwers 🎯My Job 📋 I am not used to driving a tank. My normal vehicle is Woo-Woo, AKA The Shitty Little Car, AKA a Nissan Versa. It’s practical. It gets great gas mileage. I hate it. Woo-Woo normally accelerates as quickly as a child asked to…Keep reading
LinkedIn — Sept. 26, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Unwitting Guinea Pigs 🐹False Bragging 🦹♂️Put Me In, Coach 🚀 My regular readers (hey, you three!) know that I have a hatred for social media’s influence on society with an intensity rivaled only by the heat of a thousand suns. The latest bit of “Are you fucking kidding me?” comes from…Keep reading
Top 5 Things From The Past Week: 9/9-9/25
Welcome to Issue No. 7 of Listicles, the feature that presents the Top 10, Top 5, Top 3, Top 100 or Top 1,000,000 of whatever it is you want to know about. Email your Listicle suggestions to email@example.com. No. 5: I reached out to a friend I have not been shy about sharing that I’ve…Keep reading
iPhone Envy — Sept. 25, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩More Stupid Human Stuff 📱KC Trip ⚾Miserable Missourah 😠 Quick: Take a look around you. If you’re in a room with five other people, one of them thinks you’re financially struggling if you don’t have the latest iPhone. That’s according to a new survey following the release of the iPhone 14.…Keep reading
Human Babies — Sept. 23, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Loser Species 👶Email Win 📧Dad Pride 👨👦👦 I’m pretty sure I’m not normal. Normal people respond to that statement with, “Oh, John, nobody’s normal,” which is just a sign for us non-normies that the person we’re talking to is normal. Yesterday, I was waiting for Wifey Poo to pick me up…Keep reading
In It — Sept. 22, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Concert Thoughts 🧠Marriage 💍Drunk Idiots 🧉 There’s this scene in the 2004 movie Garden State in which Sam (Natalie Portman) looks at Andrew (Zach Braff) and notices … … And yeah, that resonated with me then and resonates with me now. Ever since then, being “in it” has become a thing…Keep reading
Remembering Sarah — Sept. 21, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Sadness 😥Beautiful Skies ⛅Two Terms For 2022 ✌️ Back in our early days at Pound Ridge Elementary School, Sarah was the fastest girl runner in the class, which bought her some serious playground cred. There were only a few of us boys who could hang with Sarah in the 50-meter dash…Keep reading
Small Ear Canal — Sept. 19, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Ear Flushing👂Grunge God🎶Tech Guy📺 If you have to have a doctor tell you a body part or yours is small, I suppose one of the least offensive would be the ear canal. That’s what a doctor told me this morning, after I finally broke down and actually went to said doctor’s…Keep reading
Sunday Randomness — Sept. 18, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Two, Four, Six, Eight👑Tips💰Book Buying📖 Some random thoughts from the week that was: Today’s Reasons to Keep LivingKeep reading
Nominee Day! — Sept. 16, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Toys in the Hall🪅Idiot Governors🗳️Flopping FedEx✈️ Last night in my hotel in Springfield, Missourah, I set out a glass of milk and a plate of cookies before going to bed. It’s not that I don’t know how to read a calendar or have any particular belief in a fat man in…Keep reading
Springfields Aplenty — Sept. 15, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Which One?🗺️Leave Introverts Alone🤫Oxford Commas🤪 I’m on the road for work this week, in Springfield. Ahhh, but Springfield what? There currently are 35 populated places in the United States named Springfield, spread out over 25 states, including five in Wisconsin. In addition, there are 35 Springfield Townships, and Ohio owns 11…Keep reading
F’n COVID — Sept. 13, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Surrounded 😷Wood Splitter 🌲Morons 🤪 I’ve had COVID. Twice. The first time fucked up my life for a year. I’m still not back to the me I was before it came into my home, and I’m pretty sure that now, nearly two years later, that’s not going to change. The second…Keep reading
Change of Plans — Sept. 12, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Sunday audible🤒Fantasy Failure 🏈Anal Chess♟️ Sunday was supposed to be a romantic day spent in a canoe with Wifey Poo, the two of us paddling leisurely down the Meramec River. Mother Nature was not in the mood to play wingman and decided to pick the one day in the midst of…Keep reading
Why Run? — Sept. 11, 2022
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Finish Line Scene 🏃♂️Baseball’s Better ⚾M-I-Z! Z-O-UC-H! 🏈 I have never understood the modern-day purpose of running for the sake of running. Sure, I understand it’s a great form of cardiovascular exercise and it’s a convenient way to get from Point A to Point B, yet the desire to strap on…Keep reading
One response to “Stupid Chicken — June 10, 2022”
[…] Day 1 with the chickens didn’t go so well. Though I managed to get all eight of the free-range birds back in the coop, it took two hours, largely because the bird I’ve named Stupid Chicken is a royal pain in the ass. […]