🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩
Poultry Responsibilities 🐔
Crappy Year For Music🎵
I am many things. I am a husband, a father, a marketing guy, a storyteller, a jokester, a damn good parallel parker and a guy who played on a basketball team that lost 135-3.
What I am not is a farmer. I left my suburban NY home when I graduated high school and went to college in Iowa and was somehow surprised to meet people who actually grew up on farms. This isn’t to say I didn’t realize that some form of human being was necessary to do the things that needed to be done on a farm. I’d just met precious few of them in my life.
Which is why there’s a great deal of irony that, in a few short days, I will be tasked with the responsibility of keeping roughly 20 chickens alive for 24 hours.
How this responsibility fell to me is somewhat of a whirlwind. Boy The Younger has become friends with a kid down the street — and when I say “down the street,” this is down a rural street, which means it’s about a mile away. Said friend — Michael, if you’re keeping score — comes from a family of five children and, evidently, roughly 20 chickens.
We have benefited from the efforts of said chickens a few times — or at least the fertility of said chickens. That human beings consume the undeveloped babies of chickens is one of those things that astounds me because that means someone somewhere at some point in our evolution either saw an egg emerge from a chicken or found one on the ground and somehow figured out that it tastes pretty damn good if you dump what’s inside in a pan over heat for a few minutes.
That doesn’t stop me from enjoying a good omelet, mind you.
I think about these kind of things. It’s adjacent to my thoughts on how the hell someone figured out that the entirely disgusting individual ingredients that combine to make cake actually combine to make cake — and it’s not lost on me that eggs are part of that equation too.
Anyway, back to the chickens.
Michael’s parents, whom until yesterday afternoon I had never met, are taking the children — but not the chickens — on a vacation to the Lake of the Ozarks. They leave Thursday and come back Sunday. Evidently, there’s no kennel for chickens. There are neighbors. And Wifey Poo being Wifey Poo, she was more than happy to volunteer to help out her new friend, Holly.
She then proceeded to plan a vacation for her and Boys The Elder & Younger to North Carolina to visit my parents, a vacation that, for several reasons, I cannot attend. And the chickens thank God for that because the chickens ain’t gonna take care of themselves. In a great marital slight-of-hand trick, all of a sudden, I became responsible for caring for these chickens from Thursday evening through Friday night, when my own brood is scheduled to return. Then it becomes BTY’s responsibility — if I somehow manage to keep these chickens alive for 24 hours.
“Jesus, John. They’re chickens, not human premie babies in the NICU. How hard can this be?”
Harder than I thought it was going to be before I went over to meet Holly, her husband, Mike (who, side note, has an awesome beard) and the chickens. I thought my duties would involve a poultry version of dog-sitting. I’d have to go over, throw some food in their general direction, make sure their water bowl was filled, maybe pat a chicken or two on the head (do chickens play fetch?) and I’d be back home on my couch in five minutes.
Four Fun Facts I Learned About These Chickens.
- These are free-range chickens. Now, I had heard that term before. You probably have too. But do you know that means that, in the morning, I have to go over and open the door to the coop Mike built (mad props, bro) and that these chickens scatter like my sons did when I would ask them to help me clean out the garage? Yeah. Me neither. When we were there yesterday learning how to care for the chickens, there was nary a chicken in sight. When Holly mentioned the chickens, she casually waved her hands to the tree line a hundred yards away. I guess that’s where they were. Now, I was infinitely curious what the hell goes on in a chicken brain that, armed with (admittedly crappy — but tasty) wings, these chickens could be let out of their prison cell and not just fly the hell away. Yes, I know that Holly and Mike (and, presumably, the children) feed these things, and they seem like really friendly people (although they did tell me how they’d just butchered 38 “meat chickens” that weekend). But it’s not as if chickens have highly selective diets. The world is their buffet. So while I was happy to hear that these chickens could enjoy the Missourah countryside as I like to do, I still was wondering why they stuck around. Then I learned …
- They make amazing targets for predators. And predators are freaking everywhere out here in the country. I have with my own two eyes seen a fox and a racoon. I have used my ears to catch the calls of coyotes. There are rumors of a cougar in the general vicinity. And I’m pretty sure there’s a Missouri Bigfoot wandering around the woods out there. (Hey Momo) These chickens are going to be my responsibility, so now I feel obligated to spend the night out there in a lawn chair with, at minimum, a fully loaded shotgun and a flamethrower by my side.
- I get free eggs! Now, I don’t know if Holly and Mike intend to pay BTY for his time when he’s the one in charge of these chickens, but I sure as hell don’t expect or want them to pay me. Their boy is my boy’s friend. Holly is my wife’s friend. Mike seems like a great guy to have a beer with over a bucket of KFC. That’s good enough for me to travel a mile up the road a few times over the course of 24 hours. But when Holly was telling me about my duties, she mentioned collecting the chicken’s eggs. “Coolio,” thought I. “I’m sure they will give me a house key or something so I can put them in their fridge.” No! Holly said these chickens are going to lay anywhere from five to eight eggs — and that I can take them home! And you know what that means? It’s breakfast for dinner on Friday night! But first …
- Hens can be bitches. One of the first things I learned about these particular chickens is that one, at the moment, was being “broody.” I was prepared to nod my head and then go home and google exactly what that meant, but Wifey Poo piped up and asked the question: “What does that mean?” She has much less fear of appearing dumb than I do, evidently. We learned together (although I tried to play it cool and appear as if I’d known what I’m about to write since birth) that it means that the hen’s hormones are running afoul (see what I did there?) and that she has taken to sitting on her eggs and being kind of a bitch when you want her to get off. This proves to me that, despite generations of us breaking their hearts daily by stealing their undeveloped babies — for food! — chickens have retained something of a maternal instinct. That made me happy. But when Holly popped open a door to the coop — and seriously, Mike, that thing is freaking amazing;it’s like Hogwarts for chickens — there was a rather pissed-off looking hen who was giving off a vibe of “I ain’t movin’ for nobody.” True to the vibe, when Holly’s hand neared the hen, the thing emitted a sound I heretofore had never associated with chickens. “See what I mean?” Holly said. Indeed I did. Holly than assured me that if the hen was still acting broody, she would be locked away in a different coop in the garage (solitary confinement, bitch!) — which made me sad because, hey, she was just being a good momma, but also happy because I didn’t feel like having my eyes pecked out by a chicken.
Holly and Mike did a great job of telling us how to take care of their birds. They even set a good low bar for us and told us that, should we show up and find a dead chicken (presumably killed by Bigfoot), that’s not a big deal and that I should just throw it off into a particular place in the woods (presumably the place where sacrifices are offered to the chicken gods). I’m not so sure how OK they’d be if I showed up and, say, twenty birds were dead. But I’m not goin’ there.
Then the four of my family got back into our vehicle, and I started the car to get the air condition running.
“I don’t know about you,” I said, “But I feel thoroughly unprepared to take care of these chickens.”
Please know … that’s not Holly’s fault. She did an amazing job of teaching us how to tend to her birds. It’s just that, well, she seemed to be under the impression that I’m, like, competent in this area. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that, just that previous week, BTY had been away at his cousin’s house and I had forgotten to feed his pet fish (Greg) for two days. Two days! Do you know what can happen to chickens neglected for two days? Neither do I! But I’m pretty sure it’s really, really bad.
Folks, let me tell you this: There aren’t a lot of 12- and 13-year-old boys in this area. There aren’t a lot of people period in this area. That BTY has a kid down the street — even if it is a mile away — whom he gets along with and who isn’t part of a family of banjo-strummin’ Missourahns who want me to squeal like a piggy is a miracle. I don’t want to destroy that friendship because I am so horrible at chicken-sitting that the family returns to an empty (but still f’n awesome) chicken coop.
I’m on duty in roughly 96 hours.
Proving that the Core Four is a group who can travel between worlds, prior to our adventures in chicken-sitting tutorial, we dined as posh, highly cultured people on really expensive food at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. I’m not sure who Ruth is, or why she is possessive of a Chris, but what I do know is they make damn good steak. This was a first for Wifey Poo and Da Boyz. I’d been there once, on someone else’s dime — at my soon-to-be former business’s Christmas party. Today we were celebrating my new job, which I landed like a boss on Friday. That I paid for a two-thirds of the meal with a gift card given to me in March by the soon-to-be ex-bosslady ,with whom I have not exactly seen eye-to-eye over the past month or two? Well, irony sometimes tastes good.
For someone who loves and lives music, I sure was born in year in which the top songs absolutely sucked. The website Stereogum recently published a cool column that easily navigates you to reviews on every No. 1 single on the Billboard Hot 100, which was a thing from 1958 to 1998. The year zero (which comes between B.J. — Before John — and A.J. — After John) was really, really ugly. While I can get behind Harry Chapin’s “Cat’s In The Cradle” for its effort to shame every father into sucking less, dude … my birth year also was marked by these “gems.”
- Carl Douglas’ “Kung Fu Fighting”
- Billy Swan’s “I Can Help”
- Oliva Newton-John’s “I Honestly Love You”
- Barry White’s “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love, Babe,” (which might explain the boom in 1975 births)
- Paul Anka’s “Having My Baby”
- And — on the very day before my birth — John Denver’s “Annie’s Song.”
In Other Writing …
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩New Job🧑💼Happy Times🤗Small World ⚾ Buckle up. It’s story time. Today I made a reservation for Ruth’s Chris steakhouse on Sunday for me, Wifey Poo and Boys The Elder and Younger. The Core Four is getting dressed up. Keep in mind, we are not Ruth’s Chris people. It’s not that we…Keep reading
Today’s Reasons to Keep Living
- Chickens No. 1-9
- Chickens No. 10-19
- Chicken No. 20
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🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Funeral 😢Glimmers ☁️Meat 🥩 If you’re lucky, you’ve had a second mother. Whether your first mother was or is an amazing person who nurtured you and raised you among calm consistency or if she was lacking in certain maternal fundamentals, having a second mother is a blessing. Today, we were there…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩We’re Dumber 👎OnlyFans Thrives 🍑Shinedown 🎵 Official statistics put the COVID death toll in the United States at 1.04 million, with another 713 deaths yesterday. More than 4,000 people are in the ICU right now suffering from what the former Moron-in-Chief called that one person coming from China and a situation…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Dethroned Queen 👑Gravy Wrestling 🤼♂️Dog Talk 🐕 Don’t fuck with the Bucyrus Bratwurst Festival board. That’s a message Abigail Brocwell is learning the hard way. Brocwell was expected to be inaugurated as the queen of the festival in the northern Ohio town earlier this month, but she was stripped of the…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩3, Unassisted ⚾A Sad Day 📅Tracking Your Vagina 🌸 The last time Boy The Younger was on a baseball field, the “coach” of his team removed him from a game in the middle of an inning because I had privately messaged him to not attempt to steal home with my kid…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Hydrogen Issue 🚀Karting 🏎️Lake Life 😌 I was all excited to watch the launch of the moon-bound Artemis 1 rocket this morning, only to see the clock stopped at T-minus 40 minutes because of a “hydrogen issue.” Don’t know about you, but I’m thinking having an issue with hydrogen is a…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Karen in Control ⌚Karting 🏎️What podcast? 🎧 In the winter of 1993, I went to a comedy club with a friend and, in the spur of the moment, decided to be one of those who came forward to join the fun and be hypnotized. This was decidedly out of character for…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Little League Flap ⚾Grandpa Joe 🤦Psychedelics 🍄 Boys are interesting creatures who aren’t easily understood. One of the many, many weird things boys do is mercilessly make fun of their best friends. My closest friends in middle school and early in high school were affectionately nicknamed Goon, Tree Frog, Butt and…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩 Death Cometh Sooner 💀Twitter Security 🔓Game Over 🌑 Average life expectancy in the United States dropped in 2020 by almost two years in 2020, the biggest decline since World War II. Every state and the District of Columbia saw a drop. Guess it was a little bit more than that…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Worm brain 🧠Chicken Big Mac 🐔Eye Twitch 👁️ Caenorhabditis elegans is probably too elegant of a name for something that is really just a disgusting little worm about a millimeter long and most easily found in rotting fruit. It is more commonly known as a lab roundworm and was the first…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩The Agliata Homeschool Academy 🚌Hypnosis 😳Sunburn 🌞🔥 When you tell people you homeschool your children, you typically receive one of three responses: An enthusiastic: “Oh, that’s so cool!” An I’d-rather-be-dipped-in-acid: “Oh wow! I could never do that!” A you’re-one-of-those-weirdos: “Oh… really… homeschooling, huh?” The percentage for each has changed in the…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Indycar 🏎️Best Friends 😎Baseball Irony ⚾ There are certain people who look at car racing as an endless series of left turns. These people are idiots on whom nuance is lost. Boy The Elder and I crossed the border yesterday late-morning to head just past the fine city of East St.…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Swine Inflation 🐖Swamp Thing 🎥Phone Calls 📱 Life was different when I went to college in Iowa after growing up in suburban New York City. This isn’t to suggest I was a city kid. I wasn’t. The city was a place we went to a few times a year, and where…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Triple-Threat 🖥️🖥️🖥️Tasmanian Tiger 🐅Video Work 📹 Humans were not meant to stare at laptop screens. At least, humans of a certain age were not meant to stare at laptop screens. I say this after successfully lobbying for a second monitor at work, which effectively turned my laptop screen into a third…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Look Before Brewing ☕Hoop Construction 🏀Nuclear War ☢️ If you’d like an indication of how much of a Monday yesterday was for me, know that I ended up with an orange in my coffee. Well, to be fair, it wasn’t a full-blown orange. It was something called a Cutie, which is…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Weird Date 🪦Nature Walk🌳Bulldog Bath 🐶 If you have a date walking around a cemetery, you’re either weird or goth, and neither Wifey Poo nor I were wearing black today, which I guess tells you all you need to know about us. Old cemeteries are something of a fascination for us,…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩So Long, Kid 👨👦Steak Celebration🥩Chip & Joanna 🪚 Regular readers of my drivel know that I’m kind of an emotional guy, which is like saying that Jack kind of could have fit on the spacious floating door with Rose in Titanic. So it should come as no surprise when I say…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Cash 4 IRS 💰Cash 4 Workers 💸Sound of Silence 🤫 Be extra careful on your taxes this year. The IRS is expected to receive nearly $80 billion when The Inflation Reduction Act eventually becomes law, and its plan is to hire 87,000 full-time workers. More than half of the $80 billion…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Spoon Nose 🥄👃🏻Dump Truck 🚚Twitter Traitor 🐦 Every night, I strap a mask attached to a long hose to my face so I don’t die. Not satisfied with looking kinda like an idiot, I then wrap a flexible Velco-enabled strap around my chin and fasten it on top of my bald…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Thanks, Yankees ⚾Kitchen Moment 👩🍳McDonald’s Glasses 🥛 Wifey Poo and I were recent college graduates and months away from becoming Married Folk when our relationship nearly faced its greatest test. The New York Yankees were rolling toward their first World Series appearance since I played with Matchbox Cars, and the St.…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Mammoth Dilemma🦣Zombie Pigs🧟🐖Stadium Pals⚾ Finding the fossilized remains of a Wooly Mammoth in New Mexico isn’t exactly news. It seems the furry elephants loved to hang out in the land so frequently visited by aliens. What is news is the condition of the fossils from the latest find. Some of the…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Ankle Shot 🦶🏻Teamwork 🤝🏽Talkspace Stupidity 🤪 Over the years, I’ve played catch with Boy The Younger dozens and dozens of times. From those early days of him aimlessly flinging an oversized soft thing a few feet forward, to now when he’s zipping a real baseball the regulation distance from a pitching…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Creative Desert 🎨So Long, Supra 🏎️Taco Truck 🌮 I have absolutely nothing today. On most days — even the really, really bad days — I can push out something creatively worthwhile. A blog post. A flyer. A video. Not today. Today I have jack shit. This is professionally problematic, considering my…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Hungry=Stupid 😋Strategic Planning 📅Bed Sizes 🛏️ Hunger is a strong motivator. This, most of us know. Yet I witnessed this truth at a whole new level this weekend. Wifey Poo and I traveled up to Hannibal, Missourah, for a few days. Hannibal, for you uncultured folks, is the hometown of Mark…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Change 🌀Me, Different 😷Bad Baseball ⚾ I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Most everything in humanity is governed by two intertwined forces. Supply and demand. Scarcity. Whether its the economy or human emotions, everything about us is geared toward responding to these two things. For example, when there…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Double Standards 🦅Birthday Deals 🎁Video Guy 📹 The United States has a problem with hypocrisy. Don’t worry, though; it’s nothing new. It just happens to be glaringly apparent right now. Our revered Founding Fathers got things off on a really bad foot when they penned the lofty statement that all men…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Revolution 🌍Rain 🌧️Refund 💰 By this time tomorrow, I will have completed 48 trips around the sun. Or is it 47 and I’ll be starting my 48th? Whatever. I’ll be 48 years old tomorrow. I have to admit, I’m feeling kinda blah about it. Looking back, this past revolution was busy…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Bitchy Mother Nature 🌧️⚡Tech Woes 🖥️Maturation 👦 Overnight storms made for a restless night, as waves of rain and thunder rolled through our section of Missourah. Flash flood warnings pinged my phone sometime in the middle of the night, and by the time I left for my drive to work, eastbound…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Rollercoasters 🎢Sad Puppy 🐶News Roundup 🤖 It’s possible to think a lot of thoughts while plummeting 90 feet at a 90-degree angle while staring up at the sun. This I learned yesterday while at Silver Dollar City in Branson, Missourah, with the Core Four, Div, Wifey Poo’s baby sister and baby…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Date Day 🤟🏽Prison Justice 👊Universe Questions 🚀 Wifey Poo and I ended up having more than 12 hours to ourselves yesterday here in the Midwest Redneck Mecca of Branson, Missourah. Boys The Elder and Younger, along with BTE’s lovely girlfriend of nearly three years, and Wifey Poo’s baby sister and family…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩WFH WTF? 🧑💼Rebel Ball ⚾Psych Myth 🧠 As a writer/columnist/blogger/thought-spewer, I always enjoy when I get something out there before anyone else. I dug that when I was a newspaper journalist, and I dig it now. That’s why I’m happy to be hearing national publications and sites like Business Insider starting…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Fahrenheit 🌡️Blindingly White ⬜Alone Time 👴 Muricah is very much a reactionary nation. Much of what we do and who we are is because we were pissed off about the way someone else did things. Monarchy? We’ll have a democracy, thank you very much. The metric system? We’ll measure stuff our…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Tryouts ⚾BBQ Sauce🍖TMNT🐢 There is cause for celebration in the Core Four: Boy The Younger has been drafted. Sadly, we’re not talking about the ongoing Major League Baseball draft. Rather, we’re talking about the sick modern world of Little League baseball. Not to get too “Get off my lawn!” on you,…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Growth 💗Dreams 💤Redecorating 🛋️ There are moments in a dad’s life in which he can see the growth of his sons quite clearly. Sometimes that growth is physical. One day, Boy The Elder was a short, stocky little boy and then, boom, he came home from his high school job at…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Burn Pit🔥Alaska Ass🍑Nose Hair🐽 Having a plan is a far different thing from having a plan work out. I’m really good at the former, yet the latter seems to be extremely elusive. Yesterday, my plan was to take the huge pile of chopped-down cedar-tree limbs that have been in my backyard…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Jewel💎First Kiss💋Slow Ahead🐢 Wifey Poo and I are headed out into the sweltering hell that is Missourah this evening to see the woman who, should she knock on my door and say “let’s go,” I am fully empowered to join in the next part of life’s journey. I jest. Sort of.…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Parenthood 🚓Alexa 📋Quick-Hitters 👋 Just about every statistic imaginable tells us we shouldn’t have kids — at least, not if we’re concerned about our own happiness, mental health, marriage, career, finances, time or ability to buy a really boss car instead of a freaking minivan. Yet here we are, still a…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Lawrence Pfaff Sr. Sucks 🚓Engagement Talk 🌯Quick-Hitters 👋 From what I know of Lawrence H. Pfaff Sr. of Belmont, NY, he was kind of a douche. The 81-year-old man died on June 27. I never met him. Never even heard of him. Until I read his obit. And about that obit?…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Travelling Companion🚓Free Beans 🌯Unfollowed 👋 Brandy Bottone is either stupid or brilliant. Whichever it is, she’s also right. The Texas woman was traveling in the HOV lane — which, for the country folk out there, stands for High Occupancy Vehicle and is reserved for cars with two or more people to…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Slots 🎰Dude Perfect ⚽Bye Bye Facebook? 👋 My mother-in-law (AKA The Judester) is nearly 81 years old and has knee problems that keep her from getting around too well these days. Watching her stand up from a chair is to feel pain yourself. Yet when I walked into the Ameristar casino…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Reflections on Grandma 👵Kids & Death 👨👦👦Don’t Say It 🤫 My grandma died yesterday, four days shy of her 96th birthday. As it goes with people at that age, it wasn’t a surprise. She had been fading for more than a year and, though she still was breathing, that version of…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Sleepwalking 🧨DnD Gang 🎲Gas Idiots 🛢️ If there were a day-by-day measure of the collective output of workers in these here United States of Amuricah (and for all I know, there is), I would venture to guess that July 5 ain’t our most productive day. I base this on my observations…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Stupid Parade 🧨Math Matters ➗What Amazon Reveals 🚚 Not being a hugely patriotic person at this point in my life, I made no plans to go to any Fourth of July parade this year. It seems mighty foolish to be celebrating freedoms that are eroding right before our eyes, though I…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Alone Time, Girl Time 👩👧Picture Hanger🔨What Amazon Reveals 🚚 Wifey Poo and I found ourselves in an interesting position at home today for a little bit: Alone. Boy The Elder took off for Six Flags with his buds, and Boy The Younger left with a friend and his family (Chicken Owner,…Keep reading
🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Oil Change 👨🔧Goose Lover🛦Church & State⛪ Based on my history, the last place anyone should ever look for me is underneath a car. Yet that’s where I found myself late this morning, side-by-side with Boy The Elder as he showed me exactly how stupid I’ve been all my life. I’m not…Keep reading