𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©
Losing Money đ„
The Best FâN Mom Everđ©
Heat đ„”
Wifey Poo and I took our weekly date Saturday and went to the city made famous in the original National Lampoonâs Vacation movie: East St. Louis.
No, East St. Louis isnât in Missouri and no, itâs not a popular data destination, but what it does have â besides rampant crime â is a casino featuring a Draft Kingâs sports book. On my list of One Hundred Intentions for 2022 and on Wifey Pooâs unpublished, double-secret list of 50 Things to Do in 2022, were betting-related items. Mine was to place a $50 bet on a sporting contest (No. 22). Hers was to place a $25 bet on a sporting contest.
Well, the following morning has dawned and weâre $75 lighter. Canelo Alvarez not only didnât knock out his boxing opponent last night, he lost to him. And the Cardinalsâ Nolen Arenado, a big deal in the life of my Cardinal-loving wife, did not hit a home run in yesterdayâs game. But thatâs not all! Other bets lost include the Memphis Grizzlies beating the Golden State Warriors (they lost by 30) and the spur-of-the-moment 50 cent bet that Jose Abreu was going to get a single in his current plate appearance (he struck out looking).
Moral of the story: Donât bet money you canât afford to lose â especially if youâre us.
Happy Motherâs Day today to anyone who happens to read this and has happened to shove a child out of her hoo-hoo or otherwise found a way to become the female caregiver to a child. (And in this, I am firmly drawing a line that says if youâre celebrating today because you have a cat or a dog or a ferret or a monkey, youâre some degree of insane that should be tested.) When Wifey Poo was a child and someone would ask her what she wanted to be when she grew up, she would instantaneously and firmly say, âA Mommy.â This is shocking to me only in that Wifey Poo actually made a quick and firm decision. She does not come from decisive stock.
Wifey Poo and I were talking recently, and I told her that my superpower was empathy. A few days later, we were talking again (we do that) and she said hers was compassion. Sheâs 100% right, and itâs part of what makes her such an amazing mom. I have made sure to remind my boys as theyâve gotten older that what they were able to experience by having the mom they do is not typical and that they should pay attention to all the things that their mom is that other moms arenât if they ever need to swallow a dose of appreciation for how theyâve been raised.
Wifey Poo is easily a better parent than I am. This isnât to say I suck. Itâs simply to say sheâs freaking amazing. So much comes naturally to her that doesnât come naturally to me or others in the parenting game. I see Boy The Elder now out of his teen years and Boy The Younger about to enter his, and what I see are two good boys with fantastic character who have been shaped by an amazing woman.
So weâre doing this for her as a way of saying âThanks.â Shhh. Donât tell her. She hasnât seen it yet this morning!
Hot weather is approaching. Have I told you how much I hate hot weather? Weâre supposed be in the 90s for the first part of next week. I donât do heat well. Ever since I was a little boy, Iâve been that kid who would turn beat red and start dripping with sweat the moment he did anything outside. Not that it stopped me. My love of baseball was too great for me to worry about looking like a tomato when I came back inside.
Now, the situation is worse because Iâm a bald guy. While that is not new, what is new a fresh sunburn on my dome at least once a year. I have learned the lesson a million times that I cannot be hat-less in the sun for very long. Yet every year, at least once I scald my pate and then suffer the indignity of a peeling head a few weeks later.
And that, my friends, is gross.
In Other Writing âŠ
A Response to Ungrateful Mother in, Eww, Florida
An Introduction: When you are given a gift from a family member, there is no excuse ever to get rid of it. And there is less than no excuse to be a bow hunter. DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, when my daughter and her hubby were a young family with two boys, they gave meâŠ
Keep readingTodayâs Reasons to Keep Living
- Itâs Motherâs Day and I want to celebrate Wifey Poo.
- Itâs the last day of not-butt-hot-weather for a while today.
- I have to make more money to make up for our gambling losses. Ha.
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Peaking â March 8, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Pee Mate đœGame Maker đČDumb Muricans đŠ I have been thinking about death a lot lately, not because Iâm particularly eager for it to happen or because Iâm particularly not eager for it to happen. I guess itâs because Iâm a few months shy of my 49th birthday and please-for-the-love-of-God letâŠ
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The Return of the Africanâ March 6, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Dieudonne đHoops WinđCornhole Roll âïž In 2021, during some of the darkest and most difficult times in our lives as individuals and couple, Wifey Poo and I did a thing. It was a big thing. It was a challenging thing. It was an amazing thing. But to say it was justâŠ
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Tribe â March 3, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©âFull Stopâ đNeedles đBusiness Lessons đ§âđŒ Hereâs something I learned about myself today: One way to ensure that I will debate you on a topic until I give my last breath or until you are huddled in a corner in a fetal position is to end the statement of your opinionâŠ
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Mindful Commute â March 2, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Mindfulness đ§Mullet Prez đ©âđŠłMurder Family đȘ Our brains are amazing things. So adept are they at routines that they can essentially run on autopilot and let you do the everyday stuff like operating a multi-ton object advancing at 70+ mph among lots of other multi-top objects advancing at 70+ mph withoutâŠ
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After Life â March 1, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Bloody Hell đCircus Moments đ€ĄSilence đ€« OK, people: Iâve got a bone to pick with you. But first, a little digression. What in the bloody hell does that phrase mean? âA bone to pick with you?â That sounds absolutely disgusting. And if youâre wondering why I said âbloody hell,â well, thatâŠ
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Angry Marketing Guyâ Feb. 28, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©24 Hour Video đĄRubikâs Kid đ§Dilbert Doofus đ€Ș There are two things I cannot stand in the working world â and in life, in general. The first is people whose lack of preparedness turns ordinary stuff into emergencies. The second is when people criticize the result of something they previous approved.âŠ
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Corruption, Penis Sizes and Bird Drones â Feb. 23, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Mormon Billionaires đ°Bigger Packages đBirds Really Arenât Real đŠ Can we just get on with blowing the tits off the world with nuclear weapons or something and end this stupid thing we call the human race? Yeah, I know thatâs a little dramatic, but when I take a look at theâŠ
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Home of the Hypocrite â Feb. 21, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Muricah The Evil đŠ You Buy You đ°Big-Ass Van đ I find it rather humorous that Muricah warned China not to send arms to one side of the conflict between Russia and Ukraine ⊠and that we issued this warning with a straight face. Iâm quite sure most Muricahns believe their countryâŠ
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Wal-Mart â Feb. 20, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Salve đ©čCar Wash đđ§Light Removal đ I try not to venture too often into a Wal-Mart, especially on the weekend. I cling to slim hope for this nation as it is, and I find Wal-Mart trips do not help my grip. Alas, this weekend, Boy The Younger was under the weatherâŠ
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Shit People â Feb. 17, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©CC, BCC, FU đ§Basketball Poll đAndy Rooney đïž This week has largely been a Shit Week marred by Shit People. What are Shit People? They arenât exactly easy to define, but one hallmark of a Shit Person is his rampant use of the CC function at work to passive-aggressively play powerâŠ
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Brain Rest â Feb. 13, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Chill Day đïžBusy Weekend âŸHalftime đ Iâm not working today. Not only am I not working at my day job, Iâm not doing any work for my side gig today. Iâm not planning on doing much of anything, actually. And I donât feel guilty about that. This weekend was insanely busy.âŠ
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Drugs â Feb. 10, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Big Pharma Sucks đWork Rules đ§âđŒBig Weekend đ Spend any time in front of the television and youâll see ads touting the latest drugs that you shouldnât take if youâre allergic to and that you most definitely need to ask your doctor about. Now comes a study showing that the peopleâŠ
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Missourah and the Spy Balloon â Feb. 7, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Top 5 đSymphony đ»Living Eulogies đ Top 5 things overheard in Missourah last week as a purported Chinese spy balloon made its way over the state en route to its rendezvous with an F22âs missile: Despite my high-brow upbringing in Suburbia, New York, Iâm not what anyone would call A SymphonyâŠ
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Pokey Joe â Feb. 2, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Space Walk đ§âđBye-Bye Brady đFailure Rate đżïž When Boy The Elder was just Boy and devoid of a younger brother, we had a nickname for him: Pokey Joe. BTE didnât do anything fast, but more than anything, what he did incredibly slow was get out of a car. That would suckâŠ
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Stuck Balls â Feb. 1, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Raccoons đŠFebruary đMan Nips đș Today I bring you the story of a raccoon who got his balls stuck to railroad tracks. But the reason you think Iâm bringing you this story is not the reason Iâm bringing you this story. You think Iâm bringing the story of the raccoon NeilâŠ
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âFuck Tha Policeâ â Jan. 28, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Tyre Nichols đTattoo Day âïžNephew Hoopsđ I was a white kid in suburbia, New York, in 1988 when the gangsta rap group N.W.A. came out with its album Straight Outta Compton, featuring the song Fuck Tha Police. It was scandalous, at the time, to suggest that the police would be anythingâŠ
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Snow â Jan. 25, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Car Concert đ”Sick Wifeđ€People Suck đ Within the 24 hours in the run-up to Snowpocalypse 2023, the estimates on the Weather Channel app for our snowfall total ranged from 1 to 10 inches. Thatâs like going to the doctor and being told you have anything from a splinter to terminal cancer.âŠ
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STUPID Goals â Jan. 20, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Mission: Failed đHo đ€ŁHandy Family đ It has to suck to work at the Missouri Department of Transportation. Why? It took exactly 75 minutes for all of 2023 to be a failure. Let me explain. Those of you unfortunate enough to have been involved in any sort of corporate planning processâŠ
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Writing Retreat â Jan. 15, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Houston đïžSad clown đ€ĄTaco Seasoning đź Houston, Missourah, is not unlike a lot of other rural Missourah towns through which Iâve driven and bears a resemblance to the Small Town USA in which Boy The Elder did a lot of his early growing up and to which Boy The Younger cameâŠ
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Ceilings â Jan. 14, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Definitions đMissing Bourbon đ„Mysterious Knocks đ” I generally abhor any writing that starts with, âWebsterâs dictionary defines âŠâ Websterâs dictionary defines âceilingâ as a noun meaning âthe overhead inside lining of a room.â The implication is that itâs a limitation, a max, a point of demarcation between whatâs out there andâŠ
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Movie Ambush â Jan. 13, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Sadness đ„Annoyance đ Disappointment đ When Boy The Elder was Boy The Only in our home, he watched one of the Air Bud movies featuring a basketball-playing dog. Or maybe it was football. Or soccer. By the time that series was over, that dog had played them all. Anyway, whichever Air BudâŠ
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Animal Updates â Jan. 12, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Thorâs Blurry Hammer đPigeon Delivery đïžIdiot List đ€Ș Thor is really, really good with his hammer. And by that, I mean that Thor the walrus in Scarborough, England, is really good at masturbating and ruining New Years Eve. If you havenât heard about this story, stop reading stupid news like politicsâŠ
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Bad Boysâ Jan. 11, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Bruising Basketball đPoke âïžSix?!? đ« I grew up in the NBA era of the Bad Boys Detroit Pistons while loving a New York Knicks team that was, to put it mildly, quite physical. Guys like Steph Curry and LeBron James can makes basketball seem like artistry these days, but give meâŠ
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Done â Jan. 10, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©What There is Like! â âModern Policingâ đšXylophone Time! đ” When you decide to talk about a time in which you truly believe you more-or-less died and saw what comes after this life, you have to be comfortable with the fact that people might think youâre nuts. Hell, talking about it onâŠ
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Media Landscape â Jan. 6, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Grace Ashford! đ°Idaholy Shit! đ„Story of the Year! đ The three most influential people in my life as a journalist are, sadly, all part of the Great Newsroom in the Sky now. Professors Michael Perkins and Bob Woodward (AKA Bob Woodward-Not-That-Bob-Woodward) helped educate me at Drake University, and Lisa Warren wasâŠ
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Santos Kills Puppy â Jan. 5, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Poor Puppy đ¶Romeo and Juliet đ€ŽđžMeta Mistake đ Disturbing news out of Washington, D.C., today as Republican Congressman-elect George Santos (if thatâs his real name) brought a 6-month-old puppy to the house floor and screamed âHey, look at me!â before slitting its throat and lapping up its squirting blood like aâŠ
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Institutions â Jan. 4, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©A Pretty Good Rant đ Tesla Plunge đMissed Lasts đ„ Those of you who regularly read my drivel (I see you, DirtySciFiBuddah) might have become aware of the fact over the past year or so that I am not a huge fan of our worldâs modern institutions. All of them might, inâŠ
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Finishing â Jan. 2, 2023
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Incomplete đźFrustration đ Bowl Bust đ To say that I know how to write is like saying I know how to breathe. No one considers that they know how to breathe. They just ⊠breathe. No one is particularly good at breathing or bad at breathing. Again, they just ⊠breathe. IâveâŠ
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Fifty Intentions for 2023
Welcome to Issue No. 15 of Listicles, the feature that presents the Top 10, Top 5, Top 3, Top 100 or Top 1,000,000 of whatever it is you want to know about. Email your Listicle suggestions to johnagliata@gmail.com. So last year, I had a list of 100 intentions for 2022, and I did fairly well,âŠ
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Vision Board â Dec. 30, 2022
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©2023 đ Helping đ§ The Universe đ Iâm not much for long-term plans and goals. This isnât to suggest I donât think theyâre important. I just think that spending a lot of time on them is futile. Whatâs the saying? Man plans, God laughs. Something like that. Anyway, Iâve learned through experience thatâŠ
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The Point of Suffering â Dec. 27, 2022
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Chain Links đâWorkâ đ§âđŒPopular Toys 𧞠After my first son died in December 2000, I spent a lot of time wondering why. Why me? Why Wifey Poo? Why Jacob? Why this level of suffering in a world supposedly created and run by an all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful God? So I did whatâŠ
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Freezing Fans â Dec. 26, 2022
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Chiefs! đIndy Tickets đïžBank Visit đ° When I bought the tickets to the Christmas Eve contest between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Seattle Seahawks as a gift for Boys The Elder & Younger, it was sometime in September and temps hovered around 90 degrees. The thought that the game mightâŠ
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Jacob at 22 â Dec. 20, 2022
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Timelines đ¶Extinctions đSin City đ As I fall deeper down the rabbit hole learning more about theories on space and time, the concept of alternative timelines comes up again and again and again. Whether itâs the stuff of science fiction or one day will be proven to be the stuff ofâŠ
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Joe(y) the Comedian â Dec. 18, 2022
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©âCousinâ Laughsđ€Improv!?!? đDrake Hoops đ Back when I was a boy, I had a favorite Cousin-Who-Wasnât-A-Cousin. His name was Joey DeVito, and he was in no way a blood relation to me, though I called his father Uncle Frankie and his mother Aunt Celia. Iâm pretty sure this is an EastâŠ
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Doughnut Guy â Dec. 17, 2022
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©Glazed đ©Bingo! đ„ïžDisappearing Christians âȘ I didnât intend to bring doughnuts for my co-workers yesterday morning. It just sorta happened. How it happened and how it played out is a window into my weird mind. First, an explanation: I have a card purchased from Boy The Younger that entitles me toâŠ
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James and Stinky â Dec. 15, 2022
𧩠Todayâs Puzzle Pieces đ§©STLâs Homeless đ„Snake Hoo-Hoos đThat Was Epoch đŽ I found James huddled underneath a blanket as he sat, knees to his chest, head bowed, just outside the doorway of a CVS in the Delmar Loop section of St. Louis. If youâre not familiar with the area, itâs a fun place filledâŠ
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