🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩
Christmas Video 🎥
Fighting The Big Boss 🥊
Roland The Farter 🍑💨
I spent much of the day making a video for my job with The Allen Brake Team. I shot the footage a few weeks ago, and today was the day to identify the clips to actually use, assemble them, find the right music, put everything just so and add the right little bells and whistles to make it special.
This was not made easier by the fact that Adobe Premiere Pro crashed on three separate occasions while I was in the middle of some intense editing and, for some reason, the whole “autosave” thing apparently didn’t work.
This necessitated a break in which I left home to go to the cigar store, lest I throw the freaking laptop through a window.
We have come a long, long way with technology. But don’t for a second think we don’t have a long, long way to go.
In any case, I’m happy with the result. Let me know what you think.
The year that’s coming to an end has been an interesting and difficult one. It started out with the intense sadness of losing a beloved family member, my father-in-law. The first half was consumed by a bare-knuckle brawl with Longhaul Covid, a fight that beat me up early-round-Rocky-fight bad before I finally started to turn the tide in late July. The latter half has all about trying to settle things down … financially, professionally, personally. I am under no illusion that life will ever be easy. I have absolutely no clue what that actually looks like. Things seem to have been bumpy for the majority of three decades now.
But that doesn’t mean they can’t be better.
I have worked really hard as of late to finally confront the Big Boss. Y’all know about the Big Boss, right? Gamers do. They know that it’s the final thing between the hours and hours and hours they’ve spent advancing by beating lesser enemies and achieving the goal of winning the game. I have spent decades beating lesser enemies. It wasn’t until October of this very year that I finally turned my focus to the Big Boss.
Wifey Poo asked me recently if I was sad that it took so long before even identifying what the Big Boss was, that I’d spent about six years doing intense work trying to win a game without knowing exactly what I was fighting. Hell yeah, that makes me sad. It makes me angry. Not just for those six years but for the three decades or more that, if you look at it a certain way, have been lost to living as far less than my best.
But I can’t do anything about that. What I can do is turn and face the Big Boss today. And then do so again tomorrow and the next day and the next.
I think about Super Mario Brothers and how, back in my day, you only got three lives with which to win a game. Sure, you could earn extra lives as you went along, but you could play for hours and be on the verge of victory and then get hit by one Bowser hammer too many — and suddenly your game was over. Unless you had a cheat code, you were starting from that first damn screen.
Thankfully, my life is more like modern-day video games in which you’re able to re-spawn time and again to continue the fight more or less where you were last knocked down. Sure, you might have to go back to the previous checkpoint, but you’re never starting from scratch.
So as I continue the battle with the Big Boss, I take comfort in the fact that these past six years … these past three decades … have equipped me to face the fight. It hasn’t been easy. Hell, it’s been downright difficult. But I’m here. Now. Today. Ready to fight.
Ready to win.
📚 Let’s Learn Something Together 📓🖊️
Did you know someone once was given a bunch of land because he was a good farter? It’s true.
Roland the Farter (I’m not making this up) lived in 12th-century England. He was given about 30 acres of land in return for his stinky service to King Henry II. Each year, the king would call upon Roland to come to his court at Christmas, at which time he was required to perform, and here I translate for you from Latin, “one jump, one whistle and one fart.”
Don’t worry. I won’t be offended if you don’t believe me and Google that shit on your own.
My takeaway from this is that Boy The Younger, who has been an expert farter literally since Day One of his life, was born a few centuries too late.
The ‘What Did You Say?’ of the Day
Yes. Yes he did. And he didn’t. And that is just one of his many, many failings that makes me shake my head when I hear of otherwise rational people who still support this idiot charlatan demagogue.
Hi. My name is John, and I’m a COVID Longhauler. It was a quarter ’til why-do-they-start-school-so-early on a Monday morning, and I was about to kick Mike Tyson’s ass. Of course, if history was any indication, what really was about to happen was the separation of my head from my shoulders. That’s what had happened…
Today’s Reasons to Keep Living
- Fighting the Big Boss tomorrow will (theoretically) be easier than fighting it today.
- It’s supposed to be 70 degrees tomorrow. In December. In Missouri.
- Wifey Poo says she got me some great Christmas presents this year. Gotta stick around to see that!
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The term “hot as balls” definitely applied to today, though I don’t know exactly what it means. It was parents weekend at Mizzou, so we traveled yesterday evening to see Boy The Elder and attend a football game today in which the Tigers took on the mighty Southeast Missouri State Somethingorothers. The game itself was…Keep reading
Me this morning, in GIF form: Folks, I try. I really do. But I’m worn thin. I got up and decided before starting a work-from-home day that I would attach the TV I just brought over from Old House to the new stand I bought. Easy-peasy. Hooked the wires up and turned it on. And…Keep reading
In high school, I was friends with a girl named Denise. She and I were both free-spirited creative types who liked to write. For a time, we served as co-presidents of the formed-by-us creative writing club, and we even went on a date (that didn’t work out too well). Denise was and is a no-bullshit…Keep reading
Today was a work-from-home day, filled with the excitement of having my new office location set up. Well, sort of set up. For the past month, I have been relegated to the basement because what is to be my Mancave was jam-packed with the detritus from New Home’s previous occupants, my in-laws. But over the…Keep reading
The score was 54-0 when I decided I would coach Boy The Younger’s basketball team the next season. After all, there wasn’t much room for me to do any worse. Still, this was a bold decision, considering the entirety of my team basketball experience came in one 3-4 season as a high school freshman on…Keep reading
My “awake” part of this 24-hour spin on Mother Earth’s axis began in the wee hours of the morning when I came to consciousness screaming — scaring the crap out of Wifey Poo in the process — because evidently calf cramps are a thing for middle aged men. How Do You Cheer in Cross Country?…Keep reading
I’m what you call an ambivert. This doesn’t mean I eat both plants and animals, though I do. Rather, it means — among other things — that I’m somewhere in the middle between an introvert and an extrovert. Sometimes I refuel by getting away from people and enjoying my solitude. Sometimes I refuel by soaking…Keep reading
I spent a half-hour today renewing my hatred for Robert Gaskins. Don’t know who Robert Gaskins is? I wish I didn’t, too. Robert Gaskins is the principle inventor of PowerPoint. He sold his little tool of the devil to Microsoft in 1987. QAnon Crazies love to point the finger at Bill Gates and say he’s…Keep reading
I stopped at the cleaners on my way home from work to pick up a pair of khaki pants that had an unfortunate run-in with honey a few weeks back. As I stepped through the door, a middle-aged woman named Karen (I’m assuming, anyway) was finishing up berating the lone employee. It had something to…Keep reading
You’re a Wizard, Harry When the Great Awakening of Societal Selfishness began in 2020, Wifey-Poo, Boy The Younger and I began reading the Harry Potter books out loud to help pass quarantine time in a way that didn’t involve baking bread or killing each other. It took more than a year, but we finished the…Keep reading
Kitchen Completed It is laughable even to me that I find myself, at age 47, really good at organizing stuff. I am the grizzled aging man with more salt than pepper in his beard who at a different stage of life had to bulldoze a path through dirty clothes, random school stuff and assorted other…Keep reading
Sometimes Things Be That Way There are some days that, when night falls and you take stock of all that happened, you just say — or at least think — “Well good goddamn. What the fuck was that all about?” Today has been such a day. I look back at the waking hours and realize…Keep reading
I’ll Drink to That Since my departure from newspapers in 2009, I’ve worked for very conservative not-for-profit organizations. An electric cooperative. A Lutheran benefits provider. A pediatric orthopedic hospital. None ever encouraged me to post photos on our social media of employees drinking during the workday. But that happened to me today following our champagne-tasting…Keep reading
An Impressive K Boy the Younger got shelled on the pitcher’s mound last night. As a former pitcher myself, I know these things sometime happen. No one squared up on any pitch he threw. They just hit it where his guys weren’t. And this should happen to him. He’s playing up an age group and…Keep reading
I Parent Like China It pleased me a great deal to share with Boy The Younger this morning that the rules he lives under are similar to those imposed on kids by the Chinese government. Our Communist Owners recently banned whippersnappers younger than 18 from playing online video games on school nights and allow them…Keep reading
Dying Less I think we can all agree that it’s not exactly a good thing to stop breathing more than 53 times an hour while we’re sleeping, yes? OK, good. There’s at least one thing that isn’t divisive in this country right now. When I had my first sleep study in February, I was not…Keep reading
Believing in Myself So here’s the thing: I have amazing intuition. Believe what you want about humans having only five senses. We don’t. We have more. And for me, one of my strongest senses is my gut feelings about what to do and not to do. I’ve had this ability since I was a small…Keep reading
Road Show Coming to you live from somewhere in the Ozarks, where I’m hoping not to hear banjos and have some inbred redneck hillbilly make me squeal for him. Wifey-Poo and I are in the middle of a weekend getaway. It has been a long while since we’ve had an extended period of time to…Keep reading
And the Thunder Rolls My desk at my new office faces out to a busy street – Manchester Avenue – and has a floor-to-ceiling window. I’m absolutely loving it. At my previous job, my desk was tucked away in a corner behind a cube. I called it “My Hovel.” It was a good place to…Keep reading
Namaste, yo I found myself tonight in a state somewhere between awake and asleep, lying on a yoga mat with 40 pounds of sandbags on my shoulders and chest in a dimly lit studio as soft music tinged by rain sounds caressed my ears. I love this state, and I’ve only found it through meditation…Keep reading
Sell This House Our house hit the market today, which is to say the Great Gods of Google allowed for it to be found by Realtors and anyone else who happens to have a larger-than-average nosy bone. Our Realtor said we could share it with our friends and family. I was trying to think of…Keep reading
Stages of Life Over the years, I’ve found tremendous comfort in the stability of my in-law family, especially with my sisters-in-law and, as time has progressed, their husbands. My own family is pocked by constant drama. It took me a long time to recognize exactly how not-typical my own family is and to realize that…Keep reading
Wakey Wakey My day started off with a bag-full of my blood being drained, filled with ozone and then dripped back into my while I listened to a cancer patient banter about QAnon insanity as if it were gospel with the nurse in charge of my treatment. How was your morning? So Long, Sonny Boy…Keep reading
Interesting Things You Say to Your Spouse “Please don’t get killed by anyone using a sharp object. I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.” This sentence that I said to Wifey-Poo this morning makes sense if you have a spouse who loves murder podcasts and TV shows. My hands…Keep reading
Welcome to the World of Real Estate Starting a new job today was a welcome relief from the drudgery of moving. After getting my ass kicked yesterday in the Great Fridge Swap, I welcomed the opportunity to use my brain instead of whatever physical power I might have left. This is the first time I’m…Keep reading