Really Bad Movies – Aug. 17, 2021

Interesting Things You Say to Your Spouse

“Please don’t get killed by anyone using a sharp object. I don’t want to go to prison for the rest of my life.” This sentence that I said to Wifey-Poo this morning makes sense if you have a spouse who loves murder podcasts and TV shows. My hands are a wreck. I have blisters, cuts and scrapes on various fingers after the Great Fridge Swap. I’ve seen and listened to plenty of stories of husbands who get caught for killing their wives because detectives see a much tinier wound on them than what I’ve got now. Innocence doesn’t always keep you out of prison, so I’ve hired my wife a 24/7 bodyguard team until I heal.


It’s Time for Rifftrax

My boys and I went to an actual movie theater tonight to see Rifftrax. If you’re not familiar, get familiar. Back in college, a friend named Dave introduced me to the wonder that is Mystery Science Theater 3000. Rifftrax is an offshoot with some of the characters and voice actors from that show. It’s basically three guys watching very bad movies and making fun of them. Last night’s target was the 1988 low budget “Gremlins” ripoff (and, I hope, parody) “Hobgoblins.” It is an unbelievably bad movie that makes absolutely no attempt to be good. I’m quite convinced a monkey with a brain injury could have done this. And it’s an amazing target to riff on. Lots of laughs before Boy the Elder returns to college on Thursday.


‘Don’t Blame Me, I Didn’t Say It’ of the Day

‘Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.’

Jack Handey

I Have the Keys to the Ferrari

On Day Two of my job, the Director of Central Intelligence (or director of operations, my supervisor, if you want to be boring) empowered me to go create our brand. I am beyond excited. You know you’re a weirdo when you daydream about all the possibilities with fonts and color schemes. And yes, fellow font nerds, I’ve already taken Comic Sans off the table.


Today’s Reason to Keep Living

The Waffle House Fantasy Baseball League. This is a little thing I’m starting next baseball season with family and friends. It’s a simple concept: Whoever wins the league gets a trophy, and whoever finishes last has to spend 24 straight hours in a Waffle House. But wait! There’s more! You can reduce that time by one hour for each waffle you eat (and keep down). Wifey-Poo has agreed to join, but I think she’s actually wanting to finish last for the alone time with no responsibilities.


More From ‘A Puzzle Known as Life

Off — Dec. 6, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Detached 💭Intentions for a New Year 📆Red is Deadly 😷 Today sucked. The problem is, I don’t really know what the hell happened. I woke up just after 6, later than I have been recently, and I felt so significantly off that I truly don’t remember much of the first 45Continue reading “Off — Dec. 6, 2021”

Tree Haulin’ — Nov. 26, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Family Rituals 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦The Grinch Rocks ❤️Churros and Poke Bowls 🤤 It’s interesting to think about how family rituals actually become family rituals. There are some that are very intentional. You had something done for you as a child, so you do the same thing for your kid. Others just sort ofContinue reading “Tree Haulin’ — Nov. 26, 2021”

Boy The Singer, Nov. 23, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Self-Teaching 👨‍🏫Beer Flood 🍺🌊Space Mission 🚀 When I left the newspaper industry in 2009, I knew how to write, take decent photos, design pages and copy edit. I landed a job in which the mandate was, “Go make our communications program better,” something I’d assured those who interviewed me I knewContinue reading “Boy The Singer, Nov. 23, 2021”

Big Buck — Nov. 14, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Oh Deer 🦌The Thought Gap 🧠Unplugged 🔌 I was sitting in my as-yet-to-be-named home office this morning when this big boy ☝️☝️☝️ walked out of the woods into my yard. It’s the opening day of deer season in Missourah, a day of significance for many local inhabitants on par with theirContinue reading “Big Buck — Nov. 14, 2021”

Sloth Talk — Nov. 8, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩What Makes a Sloth a Sloth? 🦥Launch Day is Nigh 🚀Talkin’ Free Speech 🎙️ I find myself going down some interesting rabbit holes lately. For example, tonight I wondered why exactly sloths are so slow and how exactly such a creature could survive in a survival-of-the-fittest world, especially when they liveContinue reading “Sloth Talk — Nov. 8, 2021”

Punk! — Nov. 5, 2021

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Wrasslin’ 🤼‍♂️Wifey Poo 🦶Costco 🛒 Boy The Younger and I found ourselves this evening in the most difficult-to-spell-without-looking-it-up building in the Midwest, Chaifetz Arena, home of the Midwest’s most-weirdly named college basketball team, the St. Louis University Billikens. But we weren’t there for hoops. We were there to watch the oddContinue reading “Punk! — Nov. 5, 2021”

FIL’s Day — Sept. 19, 2021

Today was all about my father-in-law, Marvin. FIL died in November following complications from heart surgery and COVID. Wifey Poo and the sisters-in-law organized an ice cream social and issued an open invitation to the family and FIL’s friends. When we set the date for late September, the thought was that we’d be past theContinue reading “FIL’s Day — Sept. 19, 2021”

Work Drinkin’ – Sept. 3, 2021

I’ll Drink to That Since my departure from newspapers in 2009, I’ve worked for very conservative not-for-profit organizations. An electric cooperative. A Lutheran benefits provider. A pediatric orthopedic hospital. None ever encouraged me to post photos on our social media of employees drinking during the workday. But that happened to me today following our champagne-tastingContinue reading “Work Drinkin’ – Sept. 3, 2021”

Moving Day – Aug. 13, 2021

Moving Is Fun … … when someone else does it. At just before 9 a.m., movers from Two Men and a Truck arrived at our Wentzville house. There were four men. Within three hours, they’d loaded up all the crap we had boxed and the furniture and other assorted LifeJunk we’ve accumulated through the years.Continue reading “Moving Day – Aug. 13, 2021”

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