Lefty-Loosey, My Ass – Aug. 15, 2021

Perspective Matters

I don’t know exactly when I learned it or from whom, but I’ve held “righty-tighty, lefty-loosey” as a Truth-capital-T for a long, long time. Today I learned it’s a matter of perspective.

Yesterday, I bragged about how I have become Mr. Fix-It. Today, the God of Home Improvement (Tim Allen?) smacked me in the face as punishment for my hubris. Let’s just say the Great Fridge Swap did not go according to plan or timeline, and I am just now (6:20 p.m.) starting to relax in the aftermath of a project that began at 8 a.m.

It all started to go south when I tried to disconnect the water line from the fridge in our new place. No matter how hard I cranked on that wrench, the nut wouldn’t give way. I even stopped and did the whole righty-tighty thing in my head. It was only after the pipe got damaged that Boy the Elder, who learned the lesson I’m about to share the hard way about a month ago, went rogue and did righty-loosey.

Bingo.

I was thinking about this as I drove to return the U-Haul that was our getaway vehicle in the Great Fridge Swap. Righty-tighty can actually be lefty-loosey if you’re on the other side of the nut. It’s just that, in this particular instance, you would have to be inside the guts of the fridge to have that perspective.

Forgive me for not thinking of it sooner.


Electrician Pitches a No-No

Tyler Gilbert didn’t even pitch last year. With the pandemic-shortened 2020 Major League Baseball season and the cancellation of the Minor Leagues, he didn’t have a place to play.

Last night, in his first Major League start, he threw a no-hitter against a pretty substantial San Diego Padres lineup that admittedly was missing Fernando Tatis Jr. I watched the last inning on my phone from the porch of our new house. There’s something so refreshing about a no-hitter celebration. All these mega-millionaire athletes just become kids again.


A Win for the GOAT’s Grandson

After watching Gilbert’s no-no, I tuned into Top Rank Boxing on ESPN+ and watched Nico Ali Walsh, grandson of Muhammad Ali, win his first professional fight. The guy he fought was 4-1 with two KOs, but he’d never had a match outside the state of South Carolina, which isn’t exactly a boxing hotbed. Ali Walsh knocked him down with a crushing right in the first minute of the fight (trust me, watch the clip below) and finished him off before the round ended. I hope the kid (he’s 21) does well, but man I can’t imagine being a boxer in The Champ’s lineage.


‘Don’t Blame Me, I Didn’t Say It’ of the Day

‘Whatever you’re doing, give it 100 percent. Unless you’re donating blood.’

Bill Murray

New Job News

I start my new job tomorrow! I’ll be marketing director for The Allen Brake Team of Keller Williams Realty. This opportunity is simply amazing, and I’m anxious (and nervous) to get started.


Today’s Reason to Keep Living

Today was, in a word, challenging. Old Me would have been out of control in anger and a wreck in the aftermath. Tonight, New Me is seeing the blessings. My family fired on all cylinders today. The Core Four, as I like to call us, were outstanding. Everyone contributed to helping us overcome numerous hurdles. My boys worked together with grace and kindness. Wifey-Poo was her typical amazing and (generally) composed self. When we’re like this, we’re a team no one can beat.


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🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩CC, BCC, FU 📧Basketball Poll 🏀Andy Rooney 🎙️ This week has largely been a Shit Week marred by Shit People. What are Shit People? They aren’t exactly easy to define, but one hallmark of a Shit Person is his rampant use of the CC function at work to passive-aggressively play power…

Brain Rest — Feb. 13, 2023

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Chill Day 🛋️Busy Weekend ⚾Halftime 🏈 I’m not working today. Not only am I not working at my day job, I’m not doing any work for my side gig today. I’m not planning on doing much of anything, actually. And I don’t feel guilty about that. This weekend was insanely busy.…

Drugs — Feb. 10, 2023

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Big Pharma Sucks 💊Work Rules 🧑‍💼Big Weekend 🏈 Spend any time in front of the television and you’ll see ads touting the latest drugs that you shouldn’t take if you’re allergic to and that you most definitely need to ask your doctor about. Now comes a study showing that the people…

Missourah and the Spy Balloon — Feb. 7, 2023

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Top 5 🎈Symphony 🎻Living Eulogies 💗 Top 5 things overheard in Missourah last week as a purported Chinese spy balloon made its way over the state en route to its rendezvous with an F22’s missile: Despite my high-brow upbringing in Suburbia, New York, I’m not what anyone would call A Symphony…

Pokey Joe — Feb. 2, 2023

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Space Walk 🧑‍🚀Bye-Bye Brady 🏈Failure Rate 🐿️ When Boy The Elder was just Boy and devoid of a younger brother, we had a nickname for him: Pokey Joe. BTE didn’t do anything fast, but more than anything, what he did incredibly slow was get out of a car. That would suck…

Stuck Balls — Feb. 1, 2023

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Raccoons 🦝February 💘Man Nips 🕺 Today I bring you the story of a raccoon who got his balls stuck to railroad tracks. But the reason you think I’m bringing you this story is not the reason I’m bringing you this story. You think I’m bringing the story of the raccoon Neil…

‘Fuck Tha Police’ — Jan. 28, 2023

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Tyre Nichols 😔Tattoo Day ✒️Nephew Hoops🏀 I was a white kid in suburbia, New York, in 1988 when the gangsta rap group N.W.A. came out with its album Straight Outta Compton, featuring the song Fuck Tha Police. It was scandalous, at the time, to suggest that the police would be anything…

Snow — Jan. 25, 2023

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Car Concert 🎵Sick Wife🤒People Suck 🖕 Within the 24 hours in the run-up to Snowpocalypse 2023, the estimates on the Weather Channel app for our snowfall total ranged from 1 to 10 inches. That’s like going to the doctor and being told you have anything from a splinter to terminal cancer.…

STUPID Goals — Jan. 20, 2023

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Mission: Failed 👎Ho 🤣Handy Family 👍 It has to suck to work at the Missouri Department of Transportation. Why? It took exactly 75 minutes for all of 2023 to be a failure. Let me explain. Those of you unfortunate enough to have been involved in any sort of corporate planning process…

Writing Retreat — Jan. 15, 2023

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Houston 🖊️Sad clown 🤡Taco Seasoning 🌮 Houston, Missourah, is not unlike a lot of other rural Missourah towns through which I’ve driven and bears a resemblance to the Small Town USA in which Boy The Elder did a lot of his early growing up and to which Boy The Younger came…

Ceilings — Jan. 14, 2023

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Definitions 📖Missing Bourbon 🥃Mysterious Knocks 😵 I generally abhor any writing that starts with, “Webster’s dictionary defines …” Webster’s dictionary defines “ceiling” as a noun meaning “the overhead inside lining of a room.” The implication is that it’s a limitation, a max, a point of demarcation between what’s out there and…

Movie Ambush — Jan. 13, 2023

🧩 Today’s Puzzle Pieces 🧩Sadness 😥Annoyance 😠Disappointment 😞 When Boy The Elder was Boy The Only in our home, he watched one of the Air Bud movies featuring a basketball-playing dog. Or maybe it was football. Or soccer. By the time that series was over, that dog had played them all. Anyway, whichever Air Bud…

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